I know that in the past I have appeared to be a bit weak. I can understand how people arrived at that conclusion, for I was unsuccessful, cried very easily and completely lacking in confidence.
Well I've had several long, hard looks in the mirror since I was diagnosed. This is what I saw:
1) I did not do well in the world because of my neurological and sensory issues.,
2) The embarrassing spells of crying were actually autistic 'meltdowns' (I fucking hate that word. It's become such a cliché), where my head became so overwhelmed with thoughts that I couldn't cope with it.
3) Thinking I was mad, I have spent my whole life trying to hide those things that people might recognise as mad. I didn't want anyone to know. Also I didn't want to worry anyone I was close to. I was always myself, but could never be myself. No wonder I lacked confidence.
Do you know something? The more I think about it, I think I must have been very strong to have led such a horrible life with all the autistic stuff going on in my head. I really don't know how I managed.
No comments:
Post a Comment