A moment ago

I went outside for a fag, and to check on the weather. The storm we are expecting will be stronger than anything I've seen down here. I can see that the sea has started to get choppy. We're in for some very big waves later. I might even go out and have a look (if I'm brave enough, that is).
I don't know why, but I started to think about the pub where I play. I do know why, come to think of it. I'd remembered that I wanted to go there yesterday, but in the end I stayed at home instead. I used to dread going there to play. I wasn't at all confident. I worried endlessly about the people and whether they really liked what I did, or if they were just being kind. I could do with being looked after a bit better, but on balance I like what I do there. The people are nice; friendly but not in-yer-face. There are people I look forward to seeing. I hardly ever see a cunt there; one or two weirdos now and again, but seldom a cunt. I can be quiet if I want and no-one minds. There is no intrusion. No getting dragged into unwanted conversations. No-one talking for four or five hours without stopping. I don't struggle to cope anymore. In fact I don't have to cope, 'cos I feel generally quite comfortable. I can go out knowing that I won't go home upset afterwards. For most people I'm probably talking about something small that is taken for granted. For me it's such a big deal.