Sevillanas

I loved this song when I was in Madrid, and still do.

Dinner

I'm making a dhal as part of tonight's dinner. I always buy huge bags of lentils from the Indian supermarkets in London because they are so much cheaper than elsewhere. The only trouble is that Indian lentils are so full of seeds, stones and dust that it takes ages to clean them. Indian lentils are cunts.

Purcell: Chacony in G minor

I have just listened to this beautiful piece. It is of significance to me.

Weather forecast?

Highly comical. Hmmm...

El Progreso

No tengo mas vergüenza de lo que soy, sino ni tengo orgullo también. Finalmente tengo el sentido que me he encontrado. Impiezo a entenderme, de entender quién soy, y de entender qué es el mundo. Apprendo a vivir una vida sociál. Ya se que me quieren y respettan la gente, y tengo unos amigos muy cariños. Ahora tengo una familia. Sin embargo no tengo ningúnas delusiones, porque reconozco que todavia hay muchos obstáculos a superar. Hoy tengo una vida mejor.

When I was a boy

I didn't like being a boy. I wanted to be a grown-up.When I was about eight I got very chatty with an 'old' (probably about fifty years old) lady called Aunty Gladys (or Gladstone as I used to call her mistakenly, because of the history book I was reading). I know two other aspies who were friendly with older people too. Also my friends' children get on so well with me. I wonder if the trait is shared by all aspies?

Odd?

When I write my blogs I often face a dilemma. Should I say it, or shouldn't I? I want my blog to be truthful so that it might be of some use to anyone who faces the same issues. For this reason I tend to err on the side of saying things. I find myself being totally candid about myself in a way that has hitherto never been possible. I never say anything that I don't mean (even after a cider), and always remember what I've said. Of course this doesn't necessarily apply to when I'm joking. Of course, because I believe something to be true doesn't mean that it necessarily is true for everyone. Nevertheless it is true for me. 

Some of my friends who read me may find some of my views or comments odd. For me they are not odd. They express who I am. Frankness is a big problem for people with Aspergers. I avoided the company of other people because your honesty can leave you open to ridicule. It has taken me a great deal of courage to express what I have, and I am becoming stronger as a result.

Mein Leben

Obgleich es gibt soviel was Ich sagen möchte, doch will Ich kaum sprechen. Ich weiβ nicht wie Ich das euch erklären kann. Ganz normalewiese überarbeitet sich mein Gehirn. Das ist sehr anstrengend. Macht nichts. Heute ist für Mich ein gewöhnlicher Tag.

An meinem deutschen Freund

Als Du bei unns warst, hatten wir von diesem Lied gesprochen.

Le vieux piano

This is another singer's performance of one of my favourite Piaf songs. I've just been listening to it.

Comment ça me va?

Maintenant je suis en train de fumer. A la même fois je me souviens de toutes les personnes que j'ai jamais connues,de toutes les conversations récentes, des humeurs, des sentiments et d'absolument tout. Mes pensées sont nombreuses, complexes et ont l'air abstrait. Jusque récemment mon esprit etait un fouillis.  Finalement  je commence à apprendre comment mettre toutes les parties à leurs propres places. Quel résultat!

Ein vorkommender Besuch

In einen paar Wochen nimmt der Staatsbesuch der königlichen Wuppertaler Botschaft statt. Ich freue Mich schon die Ankunft meines Freundes. Wenn er kommt werden weder Trompetten noch Trommel geben, aber Ich erwarte, daβ wir zusammen eine ganz spannende Zeit haben werden, und daβ wir viel Spaβ machen werden. Auch  freue Ich Mich schon mit ihm zu gesprächen, lachen und trinken. Prima!

Now

I slept very soundly last night, but have woken up feeling troubled. I'm managing fine and am getting on with life. When I've finished the coffee and fags bit I'm going to cook some vegetarian curries to take to the pub.
I'm going there during the afternoon and will play and play for as long as I want, so I'll need to eat at some point. I expect to see friends there later.

The rest of yesterday

The lesson with the new student went very well. I showed the girl exactly what she wanted to learn. Smiles all round. After that I came home for my dinner before going to the pub. When I got there I went straight to the keyboard and ran through a few of the old pub songs.
Inside I feel very unsettled, but I'm stronger now and able to cope with it. I sat quietly outside watching the water, until it was too dark and chilly to continue doing so.
There was hardly anyone there, and by 9.30pm there was only only myself, the landlord, and a man who had just delivered some beers. The landlord and I had another game of scrabble. I won again, but by only a few points. I'm getting fed up with winning. I want to lose next time.

Gute Morgen!

Seitdem Ich vom Pub wieder nach Hause gekommen bin, habe Ich eine Stunde geschlafen. Die Schlafe war aber sehr rastlos, und noch finde Ich Mich ganz müde. Ich bin um drei Uhr nachmittags aufgewacht, und nun genieβe Ich Meinen zweiten englischen Frühstück des Tages. Das besteht aus eine Tasse Kaffee mit einige Zigaretten. Prima! In eine Stunde gehe Ich die neue Studentin Musik zu lehren, nachdem esse Ich zu Hause, und gehe sofort zum Pub. Früher habe Ich den Inhaber des Metroladens getroffen, der am kommenden Wochenende Feier hat. Ich hatte gemeint, daβ Ich am Monntag spielen sollte, aber nun hat er Mich gebeten, wenn Ich anstatts am Samstag spielen würde. Kein Problem!

A normal day

I woke up tired this morning due to insufficient sleep. The constant deluge of thoughts, people, conversations and strong emotions has prevented me from sleeping any further. I can't stop thinking and worrying. It's no good my sitting here moping about it. I've put my brave face back on, and now I'm off out.

How am I?

Inside I feel very sad, but am doing my best to conceal it. I don't think it shows. In a minute I will go down to the pub and practice on my keyboard. I'm glad they never thought I was a psycho. They knew I wasn't and wondered what had pushed me over the edge. I'm so glad that's all sorted out now.

A bittersweet reunion

When I got to the pub yesterday, the regulars were delighted to see me. A couple that I didn't recognise called me by name, and asked if I was going to play. It was a bit overwhelming. It was also very sad, because the person I like to see most of all wasn't there. I know what a terrible time he must be having. Awful.

Do you laugh or cry?

Unbelievable.

A new person

Although I am going through a great deal of anguish, I now realise how strong I have become. I will start my new piano student this afternoon. I will go to the pub after dinner. I will grieve privately. I can get through this. I will always think about my brother, and will him to come through. I fear the incident last Friday has set him back years. I hope not. I think someone has a great deal to answer for.

The stars

...or all of the above?!!

Aspergers and relationships

I know of at least one aspie who is very happily married with a lovely family. My only relationship was a disaster that lasted for nearly ten years, until he married a rich woman for her money. Let me tell you about the partner.
He was aggressive towards me. God help me if I disagreed. He was a psychological bully who saw that I was vulnerable and exploited it. He was domineering. I was ridiculed in front of people. My own interests and abilities were laughed at. He stole from me. I was terrified of him, and worried about when he was coming home. He didn't like me talking to people and would be horrible to anyone who was friendly to me. He said horrible and untrue things about me to people I knew. He didn't like me going anywhere. He oozed charm in public. Later, my family told me that they detested him and were nice to him for my sake. I was convinced that I loved him. I was also convinced that I was worthless and that no-one else would want me. With hindsight, it is Aspergers that kept me in that relationship. You thrive on routine and find change extremely challenging.
I know of at least one aspie who has experienced many of these things either now or in a previous relationship. How many more people go through all that, but are unable to free themselves?

Toilet humour

Time for a bit of levity. A friend sent me this a couple of days ago. Ha!

Now

I've just got up after less than four hours' sleep, so of course I do feel tired. My mind is so busy, and the thoughts are very powerful. There is great sorrow plus some joy. I will try and be strong.

The weekend

When I first knew him, I was able to offer support to my brother because I had already experienced many of the issues with which he was trying to cope. Lately he has offered me support by listening to the issues I now have to cope with.

On Friday night I felt uncomfortable with the crowd who were in the pub, so I went outside to sit down. My brother asked me what was wrong. I took his hand and started to speak. Shortly afterwards his partner ran out and ordered me to release his hand and take hers instead. My brother ran inside. I told her I was having one of my spastic moods, and she shouted 'you can't say that'. I insisted that I can call myself whatever I like, so she shouted 'Go and fuck yourself', and ran off to complain to the landlord.

Shortly afterwards my brother came out looking very distressed, and (as ordered, I expect) tried to sell me her side of the story. Of course I couldn't accept it. I had a meltdown and sobbed uncontrollably. Her vindictive cruelty had been well aimed, as she knew the state of my moods from having read my blog.
I went to the pub on Saturday to see how my brother was. He looked terrible, and so did I. The landlady spoke to me and said I wouldn't be served. She asked me to stay away for a while. I said goodbye to my brother on the step, and he looked so terribly sad.
To try and keep the peace I sent an apology to my brother's girlfriend, to which she couldn't even be bothered to reply. Shame on her. I was due the apology.

Yesterday I had coffee with one of my autistic friends, and he was horrified by what I told him. He went and spoke to the landlord, who invited me for a game of scrabble tonight. The landlord was very kind, and understood what had happened. My brother apparently handed in his resignation yesterday. I know he was tired, but he really liked it at the pub. I thought it was my fault, because I had stood up to his partner, but the landlord assured me that it wasn't.

I feel desperately sorry for my brother, for not an ounce of kindness, understanding or warmth will he get from that woman. God help him. She resented that we do understand each other. That is why she was always so spiteful and aggressive towards me. Can higher education teach one how to be a human being?
I know what Aspergers is, and earnestly hope that my brother will realise his full potential. He's such a wonderful and talented bloke. I am so sad that I don't honestly expect to see him ever again. I'm sure she's seen to that.

When I wasn't asleep I spent the whole weekend in tears, believing that everything was my fault. I can't tell you how wonderful it feels to be vindicated.

My brother

Let me tell you about my brother. He's not biologically my brother, but we became brothers through our shared Aspergers. He's very much like I was at his age. I'm now at a later stage, so can offer support through hindsight. He offers support through knowing how I feel, and by understanding. We understand each other. It is a kind of love, perhaps not as you imagine it, but through a feeling of kinship through the experiences, feelings, thoughts that we have in common. That is very rare in life. He's a special bloke.

A thought

I've just learned that my friend's young son has been taken poorly. He's a lovely, bright little kid. My thoughts are with him. Please be kind and send him yours.

Home now

The lesson went very well and dinner was lovely. I've arrived home still feeling a bit edgy. Off about 9.15pm to play scrabble.

The supermarket

I've just come back from the supermarket, having bought some cleaning things and fag papers. In addition to all the usual tractors and wheeled things, there was a whole army of walking sticks going in every direction. It added a bit of variety to my shopping experience.

Touchy

I'm sitting here thinking away as usual. This time the deluge of thoughts is seasoned with the noise of a van engine, which has been running continuously for about an hour. I'm finding it increasingly difficult to concentrate, and have a tingly feeling in my hands. Time for a walk shortly.

Now

I've just had a lie-down and think I may have slept for about an hour or so. I say 'may' because all the time I was aware of the sound of revving engines etc from the garage opposite. When I got up I revived myself with a few jelly babies. Pure luxury!

Some thoughts

I have been thinking of my own condition, and of those around me who share it. I wonder if it has an evolution, something like:

Lonely but bright child, who doesn't make friends, and grows into:

A highly intelligent adult, who has no friends, or has difficulty keeping them, who is quiet because of difficulties in communication, and develops into:

The same, but this time vocal, and trying to understand themselves and the world, always trying to communicate and live socially, who develops into:

Someone who has acquired all the social skills, communication skills and coping skills to manage life.

I am not a doctor, but three of these states has applied to myself.

Just now

I went for a nice stroll this morning. First of all I finally went to the hospital to return the heart monitor. Then I walked to the post office, then to a cafe for a small breakfast, and then to the landlords to pay some rent. By the time I got home, my legs were feeling older than the rest of me.

Free speech

I don't remember who said it (Rousseau or Voltaire), but the quote is something like 'I may not believe in what the person says, but I will defend his right to say it'.
I sometimes refer to myself in abusive or offensive terms. I believe I do have the right to call myself whatever I like, without comment. Of course I would never use these terms to refer to another person. I have to deal with my life in my own way. So what if someone may be offended. It is for me to be offended, not them. I find the complainant's attitude grossly offensive. It will soon come to the point where humans lose the powers of speech and language, because nobody utters a single word for fear of offending someone.

More about myself

I don't have a good imagination, neither am I a good liar. I don't like lying. I do have a good memory though.
I am still clumsy whenever I try to talk about my inner feelings, although I am making headway with this. I will only attempt to talk about these things to my closest friends. I don't know how I stumbled upon it, but my coping method for this ordeal is to hold the hand of the person I'm speaking to. The hand gives me something to focus on while I'm trying to speak, as well as making me feel comfortable and reassured.

The weekend

I want to write about my thoughts over the weekend. Usually I write when things are fresh. This time I will leave it another day or so, and write with hindsight.

Today

I woke up while it was still dark, and got up around 5.30am. It's a nice hour at this time of the year. When I've finished the coffee and fags routine I have a couple of boring things to do. I'm looking forward to this afternoon, when after the keyboard lesson I will be treated to a home-made steak and kidney pie. This evening I will play scrabble with the pub landlord. Hey ho.

More about Aspergers

I've had an unusual weekend, having spent more than half of it asleep. It was that funny sort of sleep, where you feel like you're awake. I feel like I've been busy all weekend. I've noticed that I tend to go for a nap when my mind is particularly overloaded. Perhaps I need to do that in order to cope with all the information.

Beside the seaside

I just met up with two friends who were on their way back home, so we walked along the seafront. I've never done that sort of walk at 11.30pm before but I enjoyed it. It was pitch black with hardly anyone to be seen. Lovely.

Unas cosas sobre T.E.A

Pienso durante todo el dia, exactamente como todos los otros dias. Tengo millones de pensamientos, a vezes individualmente, a otras veces todos juntos. Recuerdo todo lo que se me han dicho, y todo lo que he dicho. Recuerdo todos las conversaciones, las experiencias, los sentimientos, las personas, las cosas, los lugares etcétera. Recuerdo tambien casí todo lo que aprendido. Igualmente recuerdo lo que quiero recordar, como lo que no quiero recordar. Así son mis dias.

La vérité

Je viens de rencontre à un ami, et comme d'habitude il avait raison. Lisez les mots suivants:

Si une personne dit qu'on est imbécile, qu'est-ce qu'il veut dire? Est-ce que ça signifique qu'on est imbécile en fait, ou qu'on est imbécile de son avis? De mon avis c'est le dernier.

Quels mots sages.

Ein Biβchen müde

Mein lieber Leser

Sie müssen sich nicht ängstigen, über was ich nun schreibe. Mein Wochenende ist ziemlich anstrengend gewesen, deshalb habe Ich viel geschlafen. Ich sichere mich, daβ es sich schon alles ergeben wird. 

Fortepiano by Longman & Broderip (London, 1789)

Good news. The lady who contacted me about piano lessons has got back to me. I'm going to see them on Tuesday evening.

Now

I'm feeling a bit headachey from the drilling that continues outside. My mood is still a bit odd, but I'm certainly not depressed. Another micropub tour (alias pub crawl) is visiting later, so I'll play all the old songs as usual. I'll go down there and set up after dinner.

Just now

I've just been to the supermarket to purchase the wherewithalls to make a bolognese sauce.  It was awful. The place was full of shoppers, whose average age was about ninety-seven. The ones with sticks or leaning over shopping trolleys evinced a dream-like state, and drifted about in slow motion. They reminded me of giant sloths. How none of them got mown down by a tractor wanker is beyond me.

More about Aspergers

The picture is of Isobel II and Francisco de Asis of Spain. Why did I choose this picture? Well why not?

All the people I have spoken to who have Aspergers say that they have spent their lives being bullied.

Come on world. Enough is enough. Get your act together. Stop bullying people and educate your kids to do the same. This is the twenty-first century, so please come and join it.

More Aspergers

I can't remember whether I've taken my tablets today. I've still got the noise of road works outside. The thing is that my mind is so busy concentrating on things, that I overlook everyday life.

a song for Europe

This is dedicated to a particular cunt

About my life

I have always had issues with communication. I was not allowed to say what I thought when I was a boy, and with hindsight I'm sure that hasn't helped me. Because of my difficulties in communicating, and my natural fear of doing so, I have been bullied for most of my life. At school I was knocked around and verbally abused. At home I was psychologically abused, which was the worst of all. As an adult I had no social life at all until last June. I had no conversation in any of the languages that I speak. I had nothing to say. I could not bear to be around people, and I don't know how I ever managed to hold a job down. People always took the piss out of me at work, usually because of my sexual orientation (but probably because of my intellect). In my last job, I had people of a certain imported religious persuasion (including two managers) verbally threatening me. Still, here I am.
Even though he's not bullying me, the cunt's behaviour leaves me with the feeling of being bullied. He is asserting his 'authority' over one by not allowing you to speak. This silence is something that I've worked very hard at, to try and overcome it. What he's saying is 'I don't care who you are or what you think. You will listen to me'.
Without being too melodramatic, I have suffered greatly in my life. I don't want to go back to all that. I am so glad that people have listened to me. I'm so glad too that I haven't been blamed. Most of all, I am glad that, this time I have been believed.

Fog

I really like fog. Unfortunately I have a real pea-souper in my head. I feel like I have a balaclava on inside my head. I don't care because I feel happy.

To my German friend

Thank you for your kind and considerate words, and your thoughtfulness. Thank you for the videos, which make me laugh. Ich freue Mich schon, die Ankunft der Königlichen Wuppertaler Botschaft. Ich wünsche Dir Freude.

To my brother

Thank you for all your support and for listening. Thank you for being there, and for reassuring me that I'm not going completely mad. Thank you for sticking your neck out x

To my friend

Thank you for your support and kind words yesterday. I'm sure your supper club will be a great success x

My friend from uni

The picture is of students being silly. Of course we never behaved like that!

Seriously I want to thank you for your kind words and for understanding, and for the arrival of your tribe. What a big help x

An Meinen Freunde

Ich freue Mich sehr, daβ Ich euch kenne. Für Mich war gestern ein ganz brutaler Tag, aber dank sei euch war er soviel leichter als normaleweise. 

Ich möchte die folgende für ihren lieben Wörte herzlich bedanken:

Mein Freund vom Uni

Meine Freundin die eine Aspiefamilie hat

Mein Bruder

Mein Freund in Nordrhein-Westphalen

Auch bedanke Ich die Familie meines Unifreundes, für ihren lieben Besuch.

Wegen Meinen Freunde bin Ich der glücklichste Mann der lebt.

Pink elephants

I've got quite a hangover today, but luckily I don't have a headache. I feel quite chilled, but tired. I'm not rushing anything today. Nice and easy does it!

Boring things

When I've pulled myself together I will return the heart monitor to the hospital. I expect a good telling off, because it should have been there by 9am yesterday. After that I'm going to the estate agents to pay some rent. After that comes the exciting bit where I buy tinned tomatoes to make a sauce, and baked beans. What a jolly life I lead!

More about Aspergers

I had a good talk with the pub landlord yesterday, and I am delighted that he listened to me. Of course I know that he has a business to run. I explained properly how I am affected by the cunt's behaviour. I also explained that his behaviour upsets my brother. He is like I was at his age. He puts up with everything because he doesn't know how to get away from the situation. The landlord accepted that regular customers were being upset by his behaviour, and that new customers never came back after he had got at them. I am so fucking happy that I was listened to and heard. It's not just me after all. I'm not going mad.

More Aspergers

After a meltdown I know to expect a fit a day or two later. I also expect to slump into a deep depression which can last days, weeks or months. This time something new has happened, because I don't feel depressed at all. Will wonders never cease?
Yesterday I had the right conversations at the right time with the right people. I had a good cry when I probably needed it. I got pissed as well. What I usually do is to bottle it all up. I hope I learn from this.

Yesterday

I went to the pub earlier than normal at about 4pm. On the way I took some photos of plovers in the harbour. I'm not interested in wildlife, except for knowing what things are and what they do. I am fascinated by the way that the bird inhabitants change with the months.
My brother was on duty yesterday evening, and we had a chance to talk. I am glad that he understands exactly what I am going through, but it saddens me at the same time to know he also goes through it. Later on some of my friend from uni's family came by. I went outside to chat with his brother's partner and burst into tears. Very embarrassing indeed and not at all dignified. I made sure that I got completely pissed by closing time.

Facing the world

Emotionally I feel quite battered and bruised, but I'll try and put a brave face on it as usual. I'm going to the pub shortly to play scrabble.

Mein Tag mit Aspergers

Seitdem Ich zuerst aufgestanden bin, bombardieren Mich all die Gedenke, All die Gespräche, all di Täte, all die Gefühle, all die Erlebnisse von gestern. Ich erinnere Mich an Alles in allen Einzelheiten. Obgleich Ich habe mir den Mund Heute noch nicht geöffnet, fühle Ich sowie Ich ohne Unterlass spreche, aber nur in meinem eigenen Gehirn. Es ist für mich so eine grosse Ablenkung. Meine Gedenken sind eine Barriere, hinter Der ich eingeschlossen bin. Später gehe ich ins Pub wie normaleweise, da Ich muβ meine Routine haben. Auch brauche Ich bei Freunde ruhig sein.

Heute ist ein Scheiβtag.

Staying positive

I'm trying so hard to cheer myself up, so I thought I'd send myself some marigolds. I used to grow these whenever I had a garden. They are so warm and friendly, as well as being easy to grow and reliable. Of course the marigolds I mean are Calendula, not those horrid Tagetes.

Noise

Outside my window, the pneumatic drilling continues for the third day. I must say it's doing wonders for my mood.

Good news

A few weeks ago, a lady started talking to me after hearing me play, and I gave her my business card. She's contacted me today about piano lessons, and I'm going to see her next week.

Now

I've just had a lie down on the sofa. I had a tingly feeling in my face and arms, then spent a few minutes being unsure if I was awake or asleep. Now I feel a familiar sort of tiredness. I think I may have had a fit.

Hurrah!

Re. the Cunt

I have finally been listened to rather than just heard. A result. No more bashing the head against a brick wall, I hope.

The heart monitor

I was supposed to have returned the above gadget by 9am. I feel a bit calmer now but need to lie down and rest. I can't see me returning it until tomorrow.

Something nice?

A group of young people came into the pub while I was playing. They were already quite merry. I saw them sniggering at the old-time songs that I was playing, and then they went and sat outside. Later on, one of the lads came and asked if I knew any Beatles songs. I played Hey Jude and Love, Love, Love. They really enjoyed it and asked me to play something classical.
Afterwards the lad told me it was the anniversary of his father's death, and that I had made the evening special for them. What a lovely thing to say.

Hope

I don't expect my mood to last too long, rather I hope that it won't. Yesterday I talked to a customer and my brother about the evening's events. No, I'm not going mad. Yes, my analysis was correct.
It is very frustrating to be told that I am having difficulties because of my own intolerance. All I want is to be left alone, and to be allowed to have a conversation without it being interrupted and changed to another subject that I'm, not interested in. Is that a lot to ask?
In future I will tell him very impolitely where to go if he ever again follows me or interrupts my conversations.

A horrible night

I played during the afternoon and came home at 4pm to collect my dinner and change into my concert gear. The playing went well until the cunt arrived about 6pm. He sat next to me and talked loudly throughout. A couple who had been singing were drawn into conversation, and they got up and left shortly afterwards. I couldn't concentrate and took myself outside for a smoke. He came out too. In fact he followed me outside whenever I went for a smoke with anyone, and interrupted the conversation.
My brother and I always talk about how we are managing with things, and about issues connected with Aspergers. What for me is the most difficult is that the cunt homes in on my brother, who is unable to challenge. I have to keep interrupting when I see he's having problems. Whenever we go outside for a fag and a chat we are followed, and the cunt talks over you to hijack the conversation.
I had a meltdown and blew up at the landlord. I did apologise later.
I slept really badly and woke up tired. I should have returned the heart monitor to the hospital by 9am but am still trying to calm down.

Tolstoy: War and Peace

I was in contact with one of my closest people yesterday. She commented that I hadn't opened a new chapter in my life, but got an entirely new book. She's dead right. Lovely observation.

Realisation

I have gone through life feeling completely uncomfortable with myself. I used to think that this was because of my sexuality. I like blokes but don't consider myself gay. I don't like the gay scene, and certainly don't want to segregate myself further from mankind by wearing a badge. Of course the way that my family treated me when I was a teenager was quite shameful, and it certainly didn't get me off to a good start in life.
On reflection, the reason I don't get on with gay people may be to do with Aspergers. Aspies tend not to get on with their peers because of communication difficulties. I certainly did have behavioural issues and psychological issues when I was younger. Again my family didn't notice anything.
I now feel much more comfortable with myself. I can be myself wherever I go. I am no longer afraid of expressing my own views in company. I feel stronger. Moving to my new home has been a catalyst for this. There are my family here, and the family and friends who have gravitated towards me. For the first time in my life I have spoken to other aspies and find that we are alike in so many ways. The whole thing has been a revelation to me.
I realise too that there are issues I may never learn to deal with, so I will continue to find my own coping mechanisms.

Noise

I've got back from the hospital now, so phase two of my day is underway. I'm boiling some chickpeas so I can finish cooking the tagine. When that's done I'll go down to the pub to play.
I enjoyed the walk to hospital because the weather was lovely. It looks like it's changing now.
For the past two days someone has been drilling the road just down from where I live. It makes it very difficult to concentrate, especially when it's accompanied by car alarms.

A dream

Last night's lovely sunset.

I had a dream last night, parts of which were recurring. It involved meeting people (and a dog this time) at a bus stop, but being unable to find it. The other bit I remember is new. A friend was at the front of a queue in the bank while I looked on. I see three people push in front of her so I challenge them. My friend told me off, insisting that they were before her.

A message

To my friend who left me a comment: I'm really glad the kids enjoyed it. Well so did I. Bring 'em along whenever you like!

More about Aspergers

Yesterday I met another older person at the pub, who has been diagnosed with Aspergers. Is there an epidemic of it in this town? Am I infecting everyone? There seems to be quite a jolly congregation of us at the pub nowadays.

The doctor

I'm going to have a heart monitor fitted today. I am surprised that the doctor has sent me for this, as I went to see him about epileptic fits. I expect the results to be negative, and await the referral to a neurologist, which is what he should have done in the first place. I might be daft but I ain't stupid.

Last night

Last night was lovely. The atmosphere and the company were brilliant. The vintage car show had brought people into the area, some of whom came to our pub. We had a rousing singalong. Another Irish couple came in and continued singing after the throng had left. They will come back tonight. A different couple told me they were there because they'd enjoyed the music the previous evening. Some friends brought their kids along, and I was surprised that they knew the words.
My brother wasn't pestered by the leech for a change. In fact he didn't talk much (by his standards) and left quite suddenly (unusual).
My brother and I played scrabble, and I lost by seventy points. It was a good game.

Today

It's St Georges Day today. So what.

I have a busy day. My schedule is as follows:

9am: go up to the hospital to have the heart monitor fitted

finish cooking the tagine I started yesterday

play at the pub during the afternoon

c 5pm come home to put a suit on & collect my dinner

back to pub to play

Eine speziale Familie

In der Stadt wo Ich wohne, wohnt eine Familie, mit der Ich Freunde geworden bin. Durch Aspergers sind wir vereinigt geworden, weil der Vater und möglicheweise drei von ihren vier Söhne die Gleiche haben. Wir haben soviel gemein. Uns sind wir sehr nah geworden, und freuen uns wann wir zusammen sind. 
Heute Abend spielte Ich im Pub Klavier. Auf Englisch heiβt das 'a singalong'. Das bedeutet daβ Ich  die alte Lieder spiele , und alle zusammen  singen . Heute habe Ich Stolz, daβ die ganze Familie dazu gekommen ist. Ich fühle schon, daβ wir zusammen gehören.

What an idiot

I just treated myself to another go at the underarm deodorant. I sprayed it under my t-shirt, and some of the spray hit one nostril and one eye. I'm sore and a bit weepy on that side, although the eye doesn't look very red.

Pests

I can't understand why people keep dogs, cats and budgies as pets. Why do they talk to them as if they are human? Why do they attribute human intelligence to their behaviour? What's the point of them?
There are some strange types who keep such dangerous things as pythons, lizards, poisonous spiders, and rheas. Yes, remember the pet rhea that escaped from its owner's Hertfordshire home last week and couldn't be found? A rhea can apparently kill a person with a single kick.

Cats

We always had cats when I was a boy. When I had my own garden, my opinion of the things changed. Cats are cunts. I did nothing but clean up shit after all the local cats. I wish I'd had a cat-a-mix then.