Friday 30 January 2015
Now
I'm building myself up for the test I'm taking this afternoon. It's a bit of a bummer that I don't have access to the software I'll need to use, which I have never seen or used, so I'm reading up on it now. Of course I'm worried about it. I'm a born worrier. It's my natural instinct. I'm going to give it my best shot though.
Last night
I enjoyed the trip to the pub. It made a nice change. I ended up having two pints, rather than the half pint I'd previously told myself I'd be having. Later on the landlord came up to me and asked I'f I'd like to play there. I'm going to do a gig on Sunday week. Are thinga looking up for me?
Thursday 29 January 2015
Later on
I'm going to meet a friend at the pub. I really need that. I only want to have half a pint, as I must keep myself focused on tomorrow's meeting.
Just now
The exhibition at the gallery was fantastic. There were lots of paintings by some of the most famous artists of the past. That's exactly my cup of tea. I didn't appreciate the most modern ones, but there were mercifully few of them. We went for a walk along the front afterwards, but the strong and biting wind sent us scurrying back earlier than expected. Talking of expectations, I believe some snow is on the way here, and the clouds seem to indicate this.
Shortly
It'll soon be time for the weekly walk. This week we're going to the art gallery, where a new exhibition has just begun. Also the weather is nicer today, which is an added bonus.
For crying out loud
The latest beheading by someone of a certain religious persuasion. What the fuck is the matter with people?
Now
I submitted my application for a very good job, and received a reply this morning. They want me to go in at 2pm tomorrow for a test. I'm delighted. The least this will do is to help me build up my confidence.
Last night
I watched some silent Laurel and Hardy films, which I didn't mind. I had some of my leftover chili con carne. I've eaten the same thing for five days out of six, so I think it's time for a change. I had a bottle of wine to relieve the tedium, and feel a bit coshed this morning. Sleep wasn't ideal. I spent a lot of time awake. Ideas were rushing past me as if they had been tipped out of a mail sack.
Wednesday 28 January 2015
Tonight
Tonight is going to be very uneventful. I have to boil some rice, which is about the nearest I'll get to sweated labour, but don't need to do anything else. Nowadays I'm between a rock and a hard place; I get really stressed by people if I go out, but get agitated and bored when I stay in. I don't know quite what to do.
Now
As I was packing up my things, I noticed that there had been quite an exodus from the library. I went out for a fag or two, and decided to come back. It's got busier again but with quieter people. I've got the earplugs in as a precaution though.
Flora
Now
I'm feeling quite sad. The library is full of mouthy idiots and the noise has upset me. I had to reall struggle, despite having the earplugs in, just to complete a job application. It's crap. I'm going home in a minute. I've had enough.
Sleep
I woke up a few times during the night, but thought I slept well. When I saw my bedding this morning, I knew I hadn't.
Last night
I needed to do something to break the monotony, so I took myself down to the pub in the Old Town. I only had half a pint, but thoroughly enjoyed it. That was at half past four, and there was only one other person in the place. Lovely! Afterwards I went home and cooked another three days' worth of chili con carne. I watched another three episodes of Rising Damp and read for the rest of the night.
Tuesday 27 January 2015
Tonight
I'll cook another chili con carne-type-thing, which means I shan't have to cook for the next couple of days. Later on it will be the usual round of reading or dvds. It ain't quite so enjoyable as it has been, but I don't mind it really. It passes the time.
The news
It really is depressing. Our heads of state are starting to grovel and fawn to the oil-rich tyrant who has succeeded his evil father. Sickening. Why are our governments treating this brutal dictatorship as a friend? Well the answer is oil, which isn't too taxing on the brain to work out.
Weather update
It's turned cold and grey again, and feels very damp. I wouldn't be surprised if we get some snow.
Now
It's earplug time in the library. Loud people of both sexes with deep voices. I can still hear them a bit, but it's nice to try and shut the world out sometimes.
Weather
This morning; grey, damp, chilly. Now; bright, sunny, cold and cheerful. Lovely!!! I know which I prefer.
Lest we forget
Survivors of Auschwitz are about to commemorate the 70th anniversary of its liberation. That those poor people went through one can only begin to imagine. It is sickening to know that antisemitism seems to be making a comeback in Europe. Or rather people have settled in Europe who are antisemitic. Haven't these people suffered too much already?
Is is eminently sad that mankind hasn't learned one thing from this black episode in our shared history. In some countries people are treated no better than if they were excrement, and life comes cheap. When will they learn?
Shopping
One of the charity shops is very good to me. I don't know if I radiate an aura which inspires sympathy in the staff, but I just bought three pairs of trousers, two jumpers and a jacket for the princely sum of £3.00!! I'm pleased as punch!
This morning
I'm coping fine, although my mood isn't wonderful. I long for the day when, hopefully, depression will be a thing of the past.
Last night
After a couple more episodes of Rising Damp I settled down to read. I say 'read', when what I actually did was mostly look at pictures. I'm working my way through a marvellous book called Lost London, which is full of old photographs of the ancient buildings which once graced the capital's streets. Some of the scenes are grim; terraced houses which were once elegant and belonged to prosperous folk were on their last legs, and had been turned into doss-houses. Another sad thing is that there were also some wonderful buildings in excellent condition, which were pulled down in the name of 'progress'. It's quite thought-provoking.
Monday 26 January 2015
Royalty
Stunned
It's really shocking to find out that kind things have been said about one by the person you'd least expect to have said them. I'm still trying to sort out the wood from the trees, but think I've gone and got myself stuck in a thicket.
Lately
Having started to feel the depression starting to lift, I can feel it coming back again. Just what I need.
The weekend
I stayed indoors all weekend, except for when I was playing. On Saturday I watched Young Wives Tale, a really dire dose of upper-middle-class bilge, starring Joan Greenwood and Athene Seyler. It's about a housewife who can't manage to function without the help of a nanny. The trouble is that she and her husband keep being abominably rude to their nannies, so the nannies walk out. I also watched The Perfect Woman, starring Stanley Holloway, Irene Handl and Patricia Roc. That wasn't too bad, and was even funny in places.
This morning
Saturday 24 January 2015
Grim news
The news has just broken about one of the Japanese hostages being killed. It is sickening. I ask you, what sort of people are the ones who are doing this? It's so sad. Nothing wrong with their religion, of course. No. Of course not.
The right word
I've noticed that ever since I stopped going out, I have stopped using the word 'cunt'. It makes me realise how stressful I found it all.
Just now
The playing went well. There weren't as many visitors as expected today. There is a significant exhibition at the local art gallery, and these usually attract visitors to us. Never mind, there's always tomorrow.
In complete denial
Apologies. Excuses. Denial. Why do some people keep on saying that there isn't a problem? What the fuck is going on?
Weather
Cold and sunny today. Lovely weather! So much nicer than that rotten grey stuff we've been having lately.
Our national shame
So our national leaders are paying their respects to this tyrant. Respect is completely unwarranted. He should have been before a court, and called to task over his atrocious human rights record. This news is sickening.
Last night
Chilli con cqarne for dinner, then out came the dvds. I enjoyed two episodes of Rising Damp, then I didn't enjoy Inn for Trouble, starring Peggy Mount. I ended the night with Father Brown, starring Alec Guinness, Joan Greenwood and Peter Finch. I thoroughly enjoyed it, but needed to go to bed before the end.
Friday 23 January 2015
Earlier on
I did my five hours' voluntary work in the charity shop. Again I spent the time steam-cleaning clothes, prior to their going on display. I didn't mind it at all. I was just left to get on with it. And that's that now, until next Friday.
Scot free
The head of state of a country with a particularly nasty and repressive regime has died. The bastard should have been held to account for the way his subjects are treated. No chance of that now. The frightening thing is that his successor promises 'continuity'. I do despair.
Last night
Dinner wasn't brilliant. That'll teach me to make things the way I know how, rather than follow a posh recipe.
Afterwards I watched some episodes of Dad's Army. I enjoyed the first couple, but they were starting to get on my nerves by the time I reached episode 7.
Afterwards I watched some episodes of Dad's Army. I enjoyed the first couple, but they were starting to get on my nerves by the time I reached episode 7.
Thursday 22 January 2015
Soon
Time to go home via the supermarket. After dinner I'll dig out some dvds to watch. I suppose I'm just being exciting again.
Facing the facts
It's about time that our government treated this regime with the contempt it deserves, instead of pandering to it. Of course oil isn't part of the equation, is it?
So sad
I know he was only seventy-five, but so what. So fucking what. I remember the administration where he held office. I don't mourn his passing.
A tormented soul
Just now
My young friend and I went for our weekly walk. It was dark and gloomy, with a strong, bitterly cold wind. We didn't get very far before turning back, but it was enjoyable all the same. There was hardly anyone around, which was so much the better. There's a lot to be said for cold weather.
The foreseeable future
This is the busy part of my week. This afternoon I go walking, tomorrow I work in the charity shop, and I harpsichord all weekend in the local historic building. I wish I could somehow translate my busyness into earnings.
Weather
It's still FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZING out there. Judging by the clouds, I wouldn't be a bit surprised if we had snow.
Peeved
Yesterday I shared the news that India had criminalised homosexuality. I checked the BBC news online. There was plenty of showbiz & sports news, and loads of miscellaneous shit, but there wasn't even one line to report this news. It's nice to know that the BBC values all its customers. Shame on it.
Last night
I had a very simple, old-fashioned and satisfying dinner, and spent the night watching Laurel and Hardy films. I must have watched them all now, so I'll have to find something else to watch.
Wednesday 21 January 2015
Tonight
It'll be another quiet one, with more of the usual films or reading. I don't feel like eating any more of what I made yesterday, so I'll portion it up for the freezer.
Now
The weather is freezing. All the heating is on in the library, and I can still feel the cold in my bones. Deep breath time. I need to buck my ideas up and get to the shops.
Now
I'm getting really bored of the genealogy stuff. It's interesting to go back in time, but there is so little information about the ordinary people, apart from their names in parish registers. That part isn't all very exciting.
Family History
It goes from the ridiculous to the sublime. In 1726 a certain Mary Toft of Godalming hoaxed the town into believing that she had given birth to live rabbits. Well, the sad part is that the said Mary Toft was a distant relation of mine. Oh the same of it. Weren't kittens good enough for her?
Weather
We don't generally have snow where I live, but this morning I saw the first snowflakes fall. There wasn't much to speak of and it was over and done with in a\ couple of minutes. I was hoping that it would snow more heavily, so I could take some photos of it.
The rest of yesterday
I had a bit of a beanfeast, in fact I got completely carried away with the dried beans and lentils. I cooked some lamb with red kidney beans and mung beans. I also cooked some chick peas. For my third dish I made a mixture of channa, toor and vaal dhals. Talk about making a little go a long way!
I spent the night watching Laurel and Hardy films. About 7.30pm I got bored, and went to the pub for half a pint of cider. I didn't see anyone I knew, which was nice for a change. I don't think the cider agreed with my new tablets though. I woke up this morning feeling like I'd been coshed.
I spent the night watching Laurel and Hardy films. About 7.30pm I got bored, and went to the pub for half a pint of cider. I didn't see anyone I knew, which was nice for a change. I don't think the cider agreed with my new tablets though. I woke up this morning feeling like I'd been coshed.
A bad start to the day
This is one of the saddest and most shameful stories I've read for a while. Gay people in India have been criminalised. That is such a pity. Apart from religion (I am an atheist), there is so much about Indian culture that I love; the classical music, the art, the architecture, the various cuisines, the alphabets. My kitchen is full of Indian foodstuffs. Having signed the petition in the attachment, I am going to boycott all Indian products until such time as this disgraceful, vindictive legislation is repealed.
Tuesday 20 January 2015
More A S D stuff, again
http://t.co/O6w86EEVvZ
This time, the article is about the social phobias that I, and people like myself, face. It's always a struggle for me to live socially, and my confidence around people in general is none too good. There are days when you manage to win through, and days where you don't, sometimes with undesired consequences. This side of me has been the most difficult to reconcile with the world outside.
News
Today's news is another grim cocktail of capitalism and cruelty. The atrocities that some people are prepared to commit upon others are depressing in the extreme. I must stop reading the news for a while, or I'll end up making myself ill again.
Just now
I felt like going for a walk in the freezing cold. AND it was FREEZING. I managed to get as far as the butchers, where I had a hot sausage roll to warm myself up. Afterwards I came back to the library via the supermarket.
Ignorance is bliss
...except in the case of this gentleman, a politician, who stormed out of a tv interview with the hump. The problem; the interviewer asked him a question which he didn't know the answer to. Wow. And this lot want to govern us.
Later on
I'm planning a cooking spree later on this afternoon. I'm going to make vast quantities of two more curries to go with the one I cooked this morning. I'll have enough to stock up the freezer, and can have them in different combinations. I know I'm feeling better now. Yesterday I wouldn't have thought about it, let alone done it.
More A S D stuff
On Facebook I follow various autism groups around the world. I'm interested in how other people have experienced life, and what sorts of things the groups do. Here is one example from a French group, however I disagree with the description of autism as a disease. It's just a way of thinking, which causes lots of difficulties in life, because it is different from how most people think.
http://www.francetvinfo.fr/france/video-autiste-et-fiere-de-letre_801565.html
http://www.francetvinfo.fr/france/video-autiste-et-fiere-de-letre_801565.html
A S D stuff
I didn't go to the meeting with the new autism group. I had been looking forward to it, but my state of mind yesterday prevented me from going. This morning I joined a group on Facebook for autistic musicians. The posts look intelligent, and I wrote a potted biography for it just now.
At the moment
The earplugs are in. A woman has brought her brat in with her. It's been tantrums and boo-hoo I want ever since they got here. I know what he wants alright. I know what the mother wants too, for letting him get away with it.
Last night
I watched Port of Escape (1956) starring Googie Withers, John McCallum and Joan Hickson, and Dance Hall (1950) with Diana Dors, Bonar Colleano, Petula Clarke, Gladys Henson etc. I haven't seen them for a long time. They're alright, I suppose, but help to while away a couple of hours. Also I'm reading a marvellous book called Lore of the Land. It's arranged by county, and then relates different facts and superstitions to the various towns and villages where they originate.
Weather
It has been bitterly cold for the past few days, and the nights have been even colder. I love this weather, particularly the sunshine, and the fact that we are getting noticeably brighter mornings and late afternoons. I went for a short walk along the seafront yesterday. Lovely. There was hardly anyone about, so it felt really peaceful.
Now
After a really low few days, and some terrible nights, I woke up this morning with quite a headache. First thing I cooked a curry while I had me coffee and fags, and now I can feel the mood going away. YIPPEE!!!! Depression is a curse.
Friday 16 January 2015
In complete denial
And this person's country wants to join the EEC. God help us. By the way it ain't in Europe anyway, unless someone's changed the borders without saying.
Just now
I went outside for a fag. It struck me that there was still daylight, where a few weeks ago it was already dark by four o'clock. It's a nice time of year.
A brave man
Please read the man's words yourself. I have already done so. What he says is sometimes profound, and always patently full of common sense. The society in which he lives reminds me of George Orwell's 1984, where citizens must either conform or die. I hope this courageous man's country will once and for all stop persecuting him for speaking the truth.
Again
Family history
I'm starting to re-live my previous existence, by spending lots of my free time on researching the family fossils. It is mind-blowing to see four hundred-year-old documents on which they are named, and two hundred-year-old documents which bear their signatures. Centuries ago this branch of the family appeared to be wealthy. I have a transcript of a will from 1625, where my ancestor left money to his numerous 'dafters' (spelled that way). Daughter used to rhyme with laughter. It made me chuckle.
News
I am so pleased that that poor man in the middle east hasn't been flogged again. I do hope they won't beat him anymore. It does make one realise how lucky we are, to live in a country where one can criticise the state.
Tonight
I'll have another read tonight. I'll make a simple veggie meal for dinner, and then just lollop around on the sofa.
Now
I feel quite deflated. No excitement nor nuffing. I've started remembering to take my new tablets twice a day and not once. That's about as interesting as I can manage.
A musical interlude
I'm playing at the historic building this weekend. This has become my usual habit now, and one which I look forward to.
Today
Today was my first day at the charity shop, and it went well. I had the job of steam-cleaning clothes, prior to putting them on sale. I didn't mind it at all. It was something I can just get on with.
Thursday 15 January 2015
In the library
The constant verbal diarrhoea and miscellaneous shit you have to listen to is unbelievable.
Soon
Going for the weekly walk in a moment. I hope the weather holds out. It was very windy and raining all night. It don't look too wonderful now.
Why?
I know the man has broken the laws of his own country, but the punishment to which has been sentenced seems both cruel and excessive. Sadly it is neither cruel nor excessive by that country's own standards. I'm glad I don't live there, and pity any free-thinking people who do. It must be hell for them.
Words of wisdom
The headline reads 'The Pope speaks out against insulting religion'. I agree. He might start by looking at his own, which is insulting enough.
Conclusive proof
I was born in Greenwich. The locals pronounce it either 'Grinnidge' or 'Grinnich'. Received pronunciation for it is 'Grennich'. I've just looked at a Canterbury parish register for 1725. One of the marriage entries records the groom as being 'of Greenidge'. That has settled an argument about something that has always irritated me. Received pronunciation IS wrong.
Wednesday 14 January 2015
A little while ago
I walked down as far as the sea-front. I had planned to go for a walk but the wind was just too strong for that. So here I am, back at the library.
Shortly
It's just about time for a walk. I've had a productive time with music, and an interesting one with the family history. It's a bit too crowded and noisy here ow, but I expect I might come back later.
The rest of today
It's bright enough to go walking, but the coastal winds are dangerously strong. I feel a bit listless, so will probably stay at the library.
Weather
It's bright and sunny today, although it's still very windy and feels colder. I don't mind it at all. It's much nicer than the oppressive darkness that we've been having lately.
Family history
One of my grandfathers was killed in the Second World War, and is buried abroad. Yesterday I found a picture of his grave online, and saw it for the first time.
I was told that he was a really nice man, and I have discovered for myself that he came from a reasonably cultured family. I wonder why he married into our lot then, as he would have been quite out of place on both counts.
I was told that he was a really nice man, and I have discovered for myself that he came from a reasonably cultured family. I wonder why he married into our lot then, as he would have been quite out of place on both counts.
Harmless fun?
I don't understand this. Mind you I don't have to. It's a different country and a different culture. None of my business. I don't know why I bothered reading it.
Last night
It was a bit boring. I just read a bit put on a film called A Canterbury Tale (1944). It's not one of my favourite films, but there are some lovely old shots of Canterbury.
Tuesday 13 January 2015
The rest of today
After I've finished at the library, I'll go home via the supermarket. Dinner tonight will be sausages and mash, which is nice and simple. Later on it will be films or books.
Thinking to myself
Recently there is the feeling that things are different. To all intents and purposes everything looks the same, but it doesn't feel the same. People look the same but don't seem the same. I can't quite put my finger on it. It may be to do with the way I've been feeling. At the same time I have no imagination. Let's see.
Food
I'm mindful of the fact that, what with all the eating over Christmas, I'm a bit fatter than I should be. For the past few days I've resisted the urge to eat during the daytime. I hope this will help me lose a bit of girth round the belly.
Now
The earplugs went in a little while ago, and they certainly do the job. I'm quite hard of hearing when I've got them in. I can hear the muffled sound of people blathering, but no more than that. Lovely!
A fag break
Just now I nipped out for a smoke, and came across someone I know enough to say hello to. He'd had some sad news, and I was given all the details. I could never turn someone away when they are obviously so upset, and it is nice to think that one is trusted. However given my own present state, I could feel the stress levels rise to the point that my joints started tingling. I'm going out for another, much-needed smoke in a moment.
Just now
I've just been and signed up to work five hours a week in a local charity shop. I hope it'll get me nearer to some paid work.
The weather
Every time I woke during the night, I could hear the rain. It was still raining when I got up, and has only just stopped. The horrible grey of earlier has been replaced by bright sunshine.
Sleep
Not brilliant again. I was awake for some time before getting up for a 'short walk' at 3.30am. I remained awake for some time afterwards, and woke up for the last time at 7am, when the alarm rang. I had several unpleasant, recurrent dreams about buses and underground trains. I also dreamed about my late mother. I'm very tired.
Last night
I picked up a book called 'Chronicles of London'. I didn't fancy reading, but there were plenty of good illustrations to look at. Afterwards I watched Hatter's Castle (1942), starring Robert Newton.
Monday 12 January 2015
Tonight
Indoors again with either a film or a book, or both. I'm neither exciting, adventurous nor sociable these days. Never mind.
Earlier on
I went for a walk down the high street to look at the charity shops. This time though I wasn't buying anything, but looking for a job. I'm going back to one of them tomorrow to complete the paperwork for voluntary work. I really need to earn, but I suppose this is a start.
Today
I did my rounds starting with the doctors, where I needed to collect my prescription. Luckily the problem with the tablets for the fits was sorted out. After that I went to the back-to-work people, followed by the Workhouse. Afterwards I collected my tablets from the chemist. I am looking forward to this afternoon's lessons.
Weather
It's still very grey, but not such a dark grey as yesterday afternoon, with a very strong wind. It's not too cold in sheltered spots.
Sleep
It wasn't brilliant, and I woke up several times. I think I must have been gnashing by teeth, and some of a top filling was embedded in a lower tooth. I woke up finally at 7am, with my bedding all over the place.
Last night
After a curry which I'd cobbled together from minced beef, mung beans and black eyed beans, I watched some films. After Laurel and Hardy in Hog Wild (1930), I watched Escapade (1955), starring Alastair Sim, John Mills and Yvonne Mitchell, followed by Alive and Kicking (1964), starring Kathleen Harrison, Sybil Thorndike and Stanley Holloway.
I couldn't get into them so read at the same time. The book I'm reading (The Italian Boy) probably isn't what I should be reading just now. It's about Resurrectionists in 1830s London, who resort to murder to supply 'subjects' to the anatomical schools. The social history was really interesting, but didn't do anything to cheer me up.
I couldn't get into them so read at the same time. The book I'm reading (The Italian Boy) probably isn't what I should be reading just now. It's about Resurrectionists in 1830s London, who resort to murder to supply 'subjects' to the anatomical schools. The social history was really interesting, but didn't do anything to cheer me up.
Sunday 11 January 2015
How am I?
Work
I left some of my business cards at the historic building where I play, and handed in a card at a restaurant where they have live music. I've also applied for about fifteen office jobs, so I do hope I hear something.
The rest of today
I'm going to make another curry for dinner, just for a change. Afterwards I'm going to start on a book I've had for years but never read, namely The Italian Boy. It's a history book about grave-robbers in 1830s London, and is full of social history. I may watch a film too.
The weather
It's been ferociously windy all day. It started off bright and sunny, but is now horribly overcast and dark grey again. It's so miserable.
A musical interlude
The playing went very well today, and people said some very kind things about my playing. I've been learning new pieces whenever there aren't any customers around.
Sleep
Although I lay awake for some while during the night, I woke up this morning in less of a tangle and feeling not so exhausted. A result.
Last night
I ate all the leftovers from the previous day's meal. I watched Laurel and Hardy in The Music Box (1932), followed by Cast a Dark Shadow (1955) starring Dirk Bogarde, Mona Washbourne, Margaret Lockwood and Kay Walsh, and Small Hotel (1957) starring Irene Handl and Billie Whitelaw. I thoroughly enjoyed all three.
Saturday 10 January 2015
Weather
It rained a bit while I was playing, but has stayed dry for most of the time. It's still quite mild, and the strong winds are expected to stay around for a bit.
Tonight
Another quiet night indoors. No need to cook, and I'll just settle down with some films, or read instead.
A musical interlude
The playing went well, and I had some really nice comments from customers. I'm back there tomorrow.
Weather
It was very windy all night, and continues the same this morning. It was funny watching the birds hurtling around almost uncontrollably.
Sleep
Rough again. I woke up several times. I woke up tangled up in my bedding and lay there for a while,thinking and thinking. Then I checked the time and it was 5am. I lay awake until my alarm rang at 7am. I feel tired.
Last night
I cooked something new, and made a better job of eating what I dished up. Afterwards I watched Night Owls ,another Laurel and Hardy film, and Diamond City (1949) starring Honor Blackman and Diana Dors. I enjoyed both.
Friday 9 January 2015
Someone I know slightly keeps on having these silly little tantrums on the above site. It's really getting on my nerves, particularly when it's mostly over nothing in the first place. Some people just don't seem to realise when they've got it easy.
More artistic license
Strange as it may seem, these are both portraits of Jean-Paul Marat. The bottom picture is his death mask. The portrait by Joseph Boze manages to beautify his subject slightly. After all, you don't want to go round upsetting revolutionaries.
J M W Turner: Dudley (1832)
Tonight
Later on
This afternoon my friend and I will go for our weekly walk. I'll need to play it by ear though, because I don't know how strong the wind will be along the coast.
John Martin: Pandaemonium (1825)
G F Watts: Chaos (1875-82)
What a fantastically bizarre painting. All the dark colours and indistinct features create a feeling of numbness. The painting seems to want to say something without actually saying it. I know the feeling.
Another musical interlude
I listened to some more Scarlatti last night. I think I may be getting back to my usual practice of listening to music very quietly when I go to bed at night. As a rule I don't really listen to it at any other time.
Pet food
Weather forecast
We've got some nasty weather on the way this weekend. I've just checked the forecast, and the winds will be increasing in strength from this afternoon. Time to fasten the seat belts.
Writing
There are letters that I've wanted to write for months, but still haven't written. I can't seem to focus on it. I don't want to write unless I can write honestly about things, but at the same time I feel that there are things I don't really want to write about.. This is my dilemma, and it's playing on my mind.
Goya: Blind Man's Buff (1789)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWKmpivtrI0
This is the chocolate box Goya that I also like. I've seen this painting in the Prado, Madrid. The music goes very nicely with it. Enjoy.
Memories
Soon
I'm going to drop in on some friends for a short while, before going for the weekly walk. That is, if the weather permits.
The weather
It is considerably brighter today than it was yesterday, however the wind has already picked up and is strong along the coast. I don't mind this at all. It's much nicer than the terrible gloomy light we've been having.
Artistic license
It's rather like now, in a way, where one sometimes daren't tell the truth for fear of some terrible retribution.
A musical interlude
I'm back playing at the historic building on Saturday and Sunday. I think I'm going to enjoy that.
Sleep
That was very bumpy again. I did the usual thing of waking up, turning round and pulling the bedding back over myself. Unusually the bedding was over me when I finally woke up feeling shattered.
Last night
I started of with defrosted curry, which was equally as un-enjoyable as what I'd eaten the previous day. After a couple of Laurel & Hardy films I got out the Diana Dors boxed set. I enjoyed Lady Godiva Rides Again. I thought So Long As They're Happy was absolute bilge, despite the strong cast.
Thursday 8 January 2015
Tonight
It'll be another quiet one at home. I expect I'll watch some dvds, but I can't make my mind up what I'm going to watch. I seem to get more and more exciting by the minute.
Later on
I really don't fancy meatballs and pasta again tonight, so I'll defrost some curries from the freezer. I can't be bothered to cook. Having a freezer is a real advantage for me. I can cook when I feel like it, and defrost things when I don't.
Goya: Folly and Fear (1812-20)
This moody picture reminds me of night-time. When I think of it, it reminds me of day-times too, both in my own life, and in the life of the world.
Goya: Aquellos Polbos (1799)
Goya: May the Rope Break (1815)
Me and my camera
Dreary
The dark, wet weather continues unabated. The forecast is for a marked deterioration over the next few days, with torrential rain and gale-force winds. I don't mind that one bit. At least it will be interesting.
Jean-Fery Rebel: Les Elemens (1737)
While I was outside having a fag, I remembered this lovely piece of ballet music. The opening movement, Le Cahos (Chaos) represents order being imposed on chaos. Of course it's all done according to the manner of its time. It occurred to me while thinking that this is something I need to learn to do in my own life. I must.
August Friedrich Albrecht Schenck 'Anguish' (c1878)
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