Across the ages...

My ancestor John Freeth (1731-1808) is a man very much after my own heart. He was a humble innkeeper, a radical, a leading figure of the Birmingham Enlightenment. If he was anything like his descendants, then he was probably a bit of a cunt too. But I admire what he had to say about the terrible Enclosures Acts of the Industrial Revolution:

THE COTTAGER'S COMPLAINT, ON .. ENCLOSING SUTTON-COLDFIELD

HOW sweetly did the moments glide,
How happy were the days!
When no sad fear my breast annoyed,
Or e'er disturbed my ease;
Hard fate! that I should be compelled
My fond abode to lose,
Where threescore years in peace I've dwelled,
And wish my life to close.

Chorus

Oh the time! the happy, happy time,
Which in my cot I've spent;
I wish the church-yard was his doom,
Who murders my content.

My ewes are few, my stock is small,
Yet from my little store
I find enough for nature's call,
Nor would I ask for more!
That word, ENCLOSURE! to my heart
Such evil doth bespeak,
I fear I with my all must part,
And fresh employment seek.
Chorus—Oh the time, &c.

What little of the spacious plain
Should power to me consign,
For want of means, I can't obtain,
Would not long time be mine:
The stout may combat fortune's frowns,
Nor dread the rich and great;
The young may fly to market-towns,
But where can I retreat?
Chorus—Oh the time, &c.

What kind of feelings must that man
Within his mind possess,
Who, from an avaricious plan,
His neighbours would distress?
Then soon, in pity to my case,
To Reason's ear incline;
For on his heart it stamps disgrace,
Who formed the base design.

Chorus

Oh the time! the happy, happy time,
Which in my cot I've spent;
I wish the church-yard was his doom,
Who murders my content.

 

Today

I've had a very interesting and enjoyable sort of day, exploring an historic mediaeval town near to where I'm visiting. I enjoyed the old alleys, charity shops and the pound shop, and had a lovely cream tea for breakfast. The town was very picturesque and atmospheric. Afterwards we visited a couple of Saxon churches. I cooked a very traditional and tasty dinner for three, and it tasted much better than when I cook for myself. It was all very convivial.
I've been up since half past three this morning, and am consequently very tired. I hope I sleep better tonight, and that I am not pestered by the horrible nightmares of the past couple of nights. I've already had a bottle and a half of wine, with that end in mind, but have my eyes on a further glass or two. Nightmares is a cunt.

A funny sort of night

The awful ordeal of the last two years, and the events of the past couple of weeks, have caught up with me. I've had one of those nights where the anxiety and depression have ganged up with the autism to leave me feeling completely battered.
I'm away from home this week, and having such a marvelous time with dear friends, and catching up with people I hadn't seen for such a long time. I now have the opportunity to go to India, and I'm really excited about it. I love carnatic music, and a trip to certain cities in Tamil Nadu will give me (I hope) the opportunity to find some interesting recordings. I'm worried about the climate, the general business of it all, and the insects. I'm quite phobic about insects at the best of times. I know it's quite silly, but that's how I am. I've decided to go for only a week, just in case I find it too difficult.
I had really terrible nightmares last night, and woke up in a state of panic at half past three this morning. The agonisingly long period of mistreatment by those in authority, the final outcome at the tribunal, the uncertainty about my flat and my impatience to move, my concern for the man at the historic building who had a heart attack, my finding myself in charge of the building when there is nothing I would rather do less, my playing for a wedding reception next weekend, my forthcoming concert; I woke up with all these things going through my head, and sweating profusely.
On top of that there are still things that I need to sort out with my support worker when I see her. And on top of that, there is the full expectation that things will go wrong for me. That is what generally happens. Ain't I cheerful.

My week

I have had a roller-coaster of a week. There was the build-up to my tribunal hearing, which was really stressful. Meanwhile the hideously noisy downstairs neighbours gave regular performances every afternoon and evening. Meanwhile the man who runs the historic building suffered a heart attack last Sunday night. That piece of news was awful. He is likely to be off sick for a long time, and it is possible he may not come back. So that leaves me in charge. I don't want to be in charge, but am determined the building remains open. We are very short of volunteers too, which is a headache. This week I have found myself at the reception desk instead of playing, and that's not ideal. I feel very shaken by it all. I don't cope well with all this sudden change. My few days away might do me some good, I hope.