Later on

It has turned very warm this afternoon, leaving me with very little energy. I do like the weather though. I had intended to do a bit of housework, but I can't see me doing it. I'll have to do it tomorrow, as my support worker is coming round early tomorrow afternoon. It shouldn't take too long. The flat is in pretty descent shape. Dinner will be nice and simple. I don't know whether I'll read something or watch something this evening. I may do both, or I may do neither.
On a different note I've just seen a photo of some very brightly-coloured iced fairy cakes. They looked hideous. Bright colours like that really put me off my food.
And while I remember too, I played for a wedding reception last Friday. The couple had been living as man and wife for fourteen years. Well two days after the wedding, she walked out on him. I don't know what's going on there.

In the meanwhile

After a mediocre sort of afternoon I took myself home. Having decided on curry for dinner, I realised I had no ginger so I'd need to go out. I had a cup of tea accompanied by the noise of the children upstairs. That decided me to go back to the library for a bit. Now there's a baby screaming its head off, so I'll have to leave here too.

In general

I had a simple meal and a quiet evening, doing nothing in particular. It wasn't exactly quiet. The fucking noisy kids upstairs and their fucking noisy computer games saw to that. I hadn't taken my night-time tablet for a couple of weeks, as I didn't want to  become dependent on it. I took one at half past eight last night though, and ity knocked me out until nearly eight this morning. I don't feel like writing now. I'll go to do a bit of practice before we open. I might be back at the library later on.

In the meanwhile

I was on my way home, and sauntered by the historic building. I was surprised to see staff there, and stayed to do some practice. When I went outside for a fag, I noticed a woman and a boy looking very disappointed that we were closed. It turned out that they were just down for the day, so I let them in and showed them around. I told the people I didn't know much about architecture, but could talk to them about how people lived. They were very interested in what I said, and the boy asked lots of questions. Afterwards I got him playing the tambourine to an old dance. It was very enjoyable for me too, and I did well out of it besides.
After a nice cup of coffee and a couple of fags in the garden, I made my way back to the library. I can't see me doing any housework when I get home.

Later on

All my recent playing has begun to catch up with me. I'm fairly tired, so I'll have an easy day at home, perhaps doing just a bit of housework. I can't think about dinner yet. I'll make that decision once I've woken up a bit.
I'm still seething over the incident of vandalism at the weekend. The names of the individuals haven't been published, because they are a father and son, and the son is underage. We know their names though. I don't want to jeopardise any future legal proceedings by publishing their names, but will plaster them all over social media as soon as I can.

This morning

I woke up thinking about yesterday evening. You see I went for a drink with my best friend, whose birthday is today. That made a lovely change, although the artist whose exhibition I was meant to play for came strolling in. Never mind. I've had a great deal more to worry about than that.

I felt very slow this morning, so after the fags and coffee I treated myself to a simple fried breakfast. Then it was off to the library.

Other stuff

The weather was nice all weekend. It stayed humid, but was not so uncomfortably hot as it has been. I ate well over the weekend. Yesterday was curry again, but only because I felt like having something ordinary.
The people upstairs have been horrible all weekend. Two boys (either she's got one more than I knew about, or she's borrowed or acquired one, or she's got one staying with her) have been playing computer games very loudly at night. The earliest they stop is at about ten o'clock. On Saturday night they played until a quarter to eleven. I'm still waiting for them to fall out of the window. I wish I could pray for it, but I can't. I'm an atheist.

The interesting stuff

I had a fantastic weekend at the historic building. We had lots of visitors, and I played to an audience for most of the time I was there. There was also plenty of little workshop things, and getting the kids involved. I did so well that I managed to stock up my freezer, and get a few weeks' worth of electricity.
I watched some more good films over the weekend; The Slasher, Women of Twilight, and Good Time Girl. The British certainly knew how to make a Film Noir. Whether or not we still do is a matter for conjecture.

In the meanwhile

The historic building's garden had been vandalised overnight. Luckily one of our neighbours caught them in the act and gave a good description when he called the police. The idiots are now guests of the police force. They did try to break into the building too, but weren't successful. We had to talk to the police before we were able to open the building to visitors, somewhat later than usual. But we did open.

In general

I have a busy weekend on the musical front, harpsichording for three afternoons in a row. I hope that we will have plenty of my sort of visitors. I'll need to go to the supermarket later on, but don't have anything else planned. I'll just play it by ear.

This morning

Up at twenty to seven this morning. It's a bit cooler and breezier today, although still very humid. Coffee and fags first thing as usual, and deep in thought. I've been thinking about my week. I'm staying up much later now than I have been, and have realised why. I don't have to go to bed just to shut myself off anymore. I can do that in my front room. I'm really relishing every moment of my regained solitude. Of course the anxiety and depression are still very close top the surface, but they are in a different place now, and not all around me as they have been.

Yesterday

I went to the historic building to run through the piano stuff for the last time, and to do a bit of work on the Handel. I didn't want to rush, so I bussed it to the venue the long way round. The wedding do went very well. The Chopin was clumsy in places, but I managed to pull it off.
The weather was still very sultry, and I was tired and hungry when I arrived home, but had no appetite. Dinner was what I could assemble quickly and with the minimum of effort. Thoroughly un-enjoyable too. I could do no more than pick at it.
The people upstairs were shocking bad. The little girl was shouting out of the window at half past nine. Two other kids were still noisily playing computer games at nearly eleven. What is the fucking matter with people? The woman seems to have the parenting skills of a slug. I watched Alfred Hitchcock's film Number Seventeen, but that took a great deal of effort on my part. It was a case of stop, start all evening, with a lot more stop than start. Bed some time after eleven.

Later on

My mind is churning round, thinking about the piano stuff this afternoon and the three days' worth of harpsichording. I'm imagining the scenario for today's do, and still trying to work out the order in which I'm going to play things.
In a moment I shall take myself home for a bit of breakfast. I really fancy toast and bacon, but if I have that I'm going to stink of it all day. So I'll just have a bit of toast. After I've had a bath, I shall take myself all togged up to the historic building, and run through my stuff. I haven't played it with a suit on, and want to make sure my arms aren't going to be restricted. After that it'll be a bus ride to the venue.

This morning

I got up at half past seven this morning, already flagging from the heat. After the fags and coffee I ironed a shirt, and picked out a suit and tie to go with it. The it was up to the library. On the way there I houldn't help noticing how bad the smell of seaweed is. It's quite stomach-turning.

Yesterday

It was hot an muggy all evening, although not so bad as the previous night. The air reeked of rotting seaweed, which it always does in the hot part of the summer. I watched Alfred Hitchcock's Young and Innocent, and that was very entertaining.
The people upstairs had their moments but were generally quietish. Mother was on the phone last night. 'Fuck off you two' she shouted when the kids interrupted her at half past ten. Bed at midnight.
I heard the little girl repeatedly shout 'fuck' out of the window this morning. I don't need to wonder where she gets her language from. Isn't it disgraceful.

The rest of the day

It'll be a cup of tea with some nice lemon curd tarts when I get back. Then it'll be a bit more practice before doing whatever, and making dinner somewhere along the way.
I'm thinking a lot about the music stuff. I've got a lot of playing to do over the next four days. I'm quite looking forward to it though.
I'm hoping that this evening won't be as hot as yesterday, and that whatever neighbours won't be as loud and for such a long time.

In the meanwhile

I went home and rescued some stuff from the freezer. I've decided to make meatballs for dinner. I did a bit of dusting but didn't feel like doing any more, what with the heat, so I took myself to the historic building. I knew that nobody would be there, but that didn't matter. I went to rescue some surplus plants, lying neglected and un-watered under the stairs. I gave then a good soaking when I got home, and then put them out on the balcony. The sill is now completely full. After that I ran through the Chopin and the flashier bits of the Mozart. The Chopin is not how I would want it, but it'll pass. Then, bored again, it was back up to the library.

Today

I'm going to take myself home very shortly. I don't have any plans for today, so I hope to be able to take things easy. I'll try and do lots of piano practice later on. Once the wedding is out of the way, I shall be able to concentrate on the Handel for the historic building.

This morning

The day started a bit cooler than yesterday, but I'm still feeling quite hot. After the fags and coffee I though I ought to eat something, so I sliced a stale roll from yesterday, and had it toasted with marmalade. My mind is full of the wedding do I'm playing for tomorrow. I hope the Chopin doesn't let me down.

Yesterday

The heat was very uncomfortable all evening, and it wasn't until nearly midnight that it began to cool down slightly. I didn't fancy eating. I felt I should have something, so I had a tiny bit of cheese with a roll.

The weather made people behave very oddly. Early on there was a very protracted, noisy domestic 'incident'. That was really horrible. I wish they'd done it at home instead.

The man downstairs went to work as usual. The ladies stayed behind, and shortly afterwards were joined by their 'male' next-door neighbour. Well that's up to them, but the evening was horrible. They got drunker and drunker and louder and louder. At about half past nine they were joined by someone else who remained outside drinking, and shouting a conversation into the flat. The men were conversing in one hideous language (I won't say which) and the women in another hideous language (I won't say which). At ten past eleven it suddenly went quiet, but from then on the silence was interrupted by the man bashing on their locked windows and calling the women, who ignored him. Then he went away, came back and did the same, went away, came back and so on. It was still going on after midnight when I went to bed.

The two men were dressed according to their religion. That's the funny thing about religious folk. They are seldom as pious as they would have us believe, and are quite happy to indulge in behaviours that they denounce in others. That is called hypocrisy.

Later on

I'll go to the supermarket in a moment to see if there's anything I fancy for dinner. I'll do a little bit of housework when I get home, but not too much. It's very hot. Besides I need to give my hands a rest. I expect this evening will be pretty much as usual.

In the meanwhile

I've just had a very busy few hours with lots of playing and lots of talking, all to appreciative visitors. It's a pity some of them didn't show their appreciation in a more useful way. The weather is very hot this afternoon, and I sweated buckets underneath the several, heavy layers of period dress. The German came in handy today when an elderly couple came to visit.

Now

It's about time I got myself moving. First of all I've got to deliver the documents. Then it's straight on to the historic building for piano practice followed by harpsichord practice. Then I need some time to don my period costume before the place opens.

Since last night

I slept through to half past four, and then had some broken sleep until seven. This morning started off hot, and it's getting hotter. After the coffee, fags and bath, I finally bucked up my ideas and fished out some documents I need to deal with shortly. I felt very relieved when I found them.
When I got to the library I found an email from my brother. It looks like I'll be going up there before too long. I've told him, though, that I won't go until I've sorted out the things that are on the go here.

Yesterday

When I got home I polished the bathroom floor. I couldn't think what to have for dinner, so it was curry. I generally have curry when I can't think what to have for dinner. Afterwards I spent the evening watching Jeremy Brett's Sherlock Holmes things. It was very warm all evening and into the night. Apart from a couple of stampedes and screams at ten past ten, the upstairs' neighbours were quiet. Bed at eleven.

Since earlier

After tea I got to work and had the final clearout. After hoovering the spare room I steam-mopped and cleaned the bathroom floor. I left it drying and brought myself back to the library. I feel like I'm really starting to get somewhere. I also have a feeling that my life is finally about to turn round for the better. I hope so. It would be nice to have a few more choices in life. Meanwhile the weather continues bright, sunny and very warm indeed.

Later on

I think I'll spend this afternoon at home. I'll do a bit more housework after I've had a nice cup of tea. I don't want to over-work the hands though, as I need to be able to play. I think I'll rather enjoy being at home. It feels much nicer now. I don't know what I'm having for dinner. Let's see what I feel like when the time comes round.

In the meanwhile

I strolled by the historic building and noticed that staff were there, so I went in for some practice. The piano stuff is under control, although the stuff I used to play for the pub has now got a bit rusty. As for the harpsichord, I've nearly got a third Handel suite under my belt, and I've started work on another three. The weather is absolutely gorgeous. I didn't fancy going home straight away, so here I am back at the library.

This morning

The weather has been beautiful from the start, and it feels like we're in for a hot day. I took my time with the fags and coffee, thinking about my playing at the historic building tomorrow, and at the wedding reception on Friday. First of all I went for the dreaded haircut, and then went straight on to the library. My brother hasn't replied to the message I sent yesterday. No surprise. I'm not really that bothered.

Sleep

I was out like a light and woke up at about four o'clock, still in the same position I'd fallen asleep in. My wrist was aching; I think I must have been gripping the bedding all night. I did manage to fall asleep again for another couple of hours.

Yesterday

When I got home I steam-mopped, cleaned and polished the kitchen floor. I also had a bit of a clearout. Dinner was nice; spaghetti with tomato sauce, fried port and olives. That's probably a funny combination, but I enjoyed it. Then there was fruit tart for afters. I had the lovely bottle of bubbly that I'd been given the previous day. After all, I did have good reason to celebrate. I watched one of the Jeremy Brett Sherlock Holmes things, and turned in at eleven. The people upstairs were cunts all evening, but they are cunts most evenings. It's only to be expected, but I am consoled by the fact they will be gone soon.

The rest of today

I'm just about to make my way home to do a little bit of housework. Before that I'm going to the shops to get something nice for dinner, to go with the lovely bottle of Cremant du Dura that I was given yesterday. Then I'll put my feet up and watch something.
I had a message from my brother. It was a kind message, but it made me feel uneasy. However I've replied, telling him exactly how my year has been. They are considerably better-off than I am, so I hope that my letter won't be misconstrued as a begging letter. The way I look at it, there's no point in replying if I can't tell the truth about myself.

Stunned

The bit of good news I'd been waiting for finally came to pass. Having two good days one after the other is quite a record for me. Phew!

Yesterday

I had an unusual day. It was unusual because only nice things happened. I had a very good day at the historic building. My time there was made even more special by the arrival en masse of my best friend and family. Shortly after they left someone I know came in to see me too, so I played him the Rameau (Les Sauvages) that I'd been learning for his next visit. Afterwards I spent the rest of the afternoon and evening at my best friend's. Lovely dinner and a nice drop of wine! When I got home at a quarter to ten, Little Miss Anthrax was running around and shouting. Mother was in residence. She got her tuppenceworth every now and then. One of the kids was still up and playing when I went to bed at eleven.

The rest of the weekend

I got enough in tips for a drink, so I'll have one tonight. Tomorrow I'm playing as usual, and then going to my best friend's for dinner. Unfortunately I shan't be able to stay, as I've got things I need to sort out at home, but I think there will be enough time to watch a film.

In the meanwhile

We had plenty of visitors today, but of the disinterested sort. I played my bollocks off but think I was barely noticed. Never mind. I'm really building on my repertoire. I've got two Handel suites under my belt, and only the Gigue still to learn from a third suite. I think I'm going to base my next recital on Handel. I took a few more surplus plants for my balcony. Then it was home for tea and crumpets and then up to the library.

Soon

I shall be off to the historic building in a tick. One of the new staff, a dressmaker, has offered to make me a decent costume, but needs a pattern, so I've printed a picture of musicians in period costume to show her. I'm hoping that I will have a successful weekend. I play quite a bit of Handel lately, and it seems to be going down very well with our visitors.
I've been thinking... I'm going to ask the dressmaker if she would make me an outfit c1760, for when I play the music I like. I'll ask her how much she will charge.

A message

I did go to the gallery again yesterday afternoon, but still didn't see anyone so I went home. I sent a message to the artist and got a really shirty reply, grumbling about the lack of a keyboard and the lack of a phone call, the whole implication being that I am unreliable. They are apparently expecting me this lunchtime. This lunchtime? Well I have got my own life, and I'm playing at my usual venue this lunchtime. Tough titties. For one thing I don't do phone calls. That is for other people to deal with. Another thing is that it almost unheard of me to forget an appointment, but that isn't entirely my fault. The whole thing was on/off for such a long time, that I couldn't be bothered to keep up with it. Besides I've been having a rough ride lately, and getting my own life in order is much more important to me than someone else's poncy exhibition. I've really got the hump about it, but won't have for much longer. Other people really are a selfish cunt.

Since last night

I slept soundly, but woke up with vague recollections of strange dreams. The weather is beautiful today, and I enjoysed my usual 'breakfast' at the balcony. Then it was a quick was and brush-up and straight to the library.

Last night

I didn't fancy cooking, so I had some cheese with chips and coleslaw. I spent the rest of the evening looking at the encyclopaedia of languages and turned in at nine. I could hear the kids upstairs playing nicely (apart from Little Miss Anthrax screaming out of the window occasionally), but I didn't hear mum at all. I suppose she must have gone out. The woman is incapable of staying quiet for more than three seconds at a time.

The rest of today

All sorts of conversations going on around me, so it's just about time I went. I don't have any plans for this evening. I haven't even decided what I'm having for dinner yet. I suppose this evening will be just as usual. The weather hasn't deteriorated yet. It's pretty much as it was this morning.

In general

My mood hasn't been great this week. Yesterday I hit rock bottom, but know now that I have turned the corner. I'm much calmer than yesterday, although inside I'm still restless. I know I have good news to look forward to, and today it seems so much nearer than it did yesterday. And I'm over the moon at the prospect of my feral neighbours moving home.

In the meanwhile

When I got home I got a reply from the historic building, to the message I'd sent them yesterday morning. I couldn't be bothered to move the thing. Instead I went there and did my practice. While I was there we were visited by an elderly Australian couple. Although we were closed we allowed them to come in. They enjoyed my playing, and sat for some time listening to me. I did the workshop thing, and they really lapped it up. On the way out they left me a generous tip, so I'm off to the supermarket once I've finished at the library. On the way here I went to the exhibition, but the place was locked and deserted. I'll try again on the way home. If it is still closed that'll be that. I'm not going to keep running up and down.

Now

I'm feeling awfully tired, so I'm going to spend today at home. I'll need to go and look at the exhibition, but I'll keep that as brief as possible. I'll try and practice a bit this afternoon.

This morning

Up at seven this morning feeling very drowsy. The weather is mild and overcast with the odd spot of rain. It looks like it's going to deteriorate, rather than improve. Fags and coffee at the balcony, with all yesterday's events going round in my head. Then it was up to the library as usual.
Apparently the Olympic Games are currently taking place. I'm so glad I haven't got a telly. I haven't a clue what's going on with them. In fact I didn't even know they were on until I looked at the news on the computer.

Musical stuff

I didn't get access to the historic building yesterday, so wasn't able to play for the exhibition. It was very embarrassing to have to go and tell the artist. He was ok about it, but I felt bad. It's lucky he had other musicians laid on too. He did invite me to the opening night but I didn't feel up to it. I'll pop in this afternoon instead.

Yesterday

I listened to the Brahms and it was quite as expected; nasty, insinuating thirds and sixths and deliberately 'clever' turns of harmony. I'm sure there must have been at least a couple of references to either Beethoven or Bach (or both), but I couldn't be bothered to listen out for them. I enjoyed the way it was performed though; clear and sharp and not at all muddy.
It was curry for dinner, and I ate it all. Afterwards I watched a made-for-television film about some Victorian murders. The performance was wooden and not at all convincing. The costume was hilarious. The women were all the wrong shape, owing to a complete lack of corsets. The leading actress had a bustle that was at least a yard longer than everyone else's. Her deportment was shocking, and the bustle bobbed up and down whenever she moved, and stood up at the most ridiculous angle when she leaned over. She looked rather like a pantomime horse. The biggest blooper, in what was supposed to be 19th-Century London, was the American spelling gray, rather than the British grey. Very clumsy and very annoying.
Late in the evening there was a knock on the door. Gulp. I pulled myself together and answered it. It was the owner of the flat upstairs, who came to tell me that she'd won the court case. The people upstairs should already have left, but obviously haven't. I suppose there-s going to be an ugly scene very soon, with bailiffs and screaming kids and the like. I bet she's already got somewhere to move into. Bed at a quarter to ten.

The rest of today

Now I'm off home for a nice cup of tea with a cheese muffin and some lovely lemon curd tarts. It'll be curry for dinner. I can't be bothered to cook anything too strenuous. After that I'd really like a quiet evening. The weather has turned much warmer this afternoon, no sitting at the balcony will be nice.

Since earlier

I went home to try and settle down. No answer yet from the historic building, so it doesn't look like I'll be getting my keyboard today. I've been back and forth to the gallery to tell the artist, but the place is still deserted. I did want to tell him in person, but I've had to send him a message. I can't keep running up and down all day. I'm feeling fidgety and have brought myself back to the library. I've borrowed a recording of Brahms' Deutsches Requiem. I really cannot stand Brahms. All I want to do is to pull the thing to pieces. The experience may well be mitigated by its performance by a period instrument orchestra that specialises in the 19th Century.

Soon

I'm feeling very tired and quite stressed about the playing. I'm going home in a minute. The weather is lovely today, and not quite so warm as yesterday.

This morning

Up at twenty to seven feeling tired and drugged. Coffee and fags by the balcony as usual. I started thinking about the artist's exhibition that I'm setting up for this afternoon, when I had an awful realisation; I'd left the keyboard at the historic building and the place is shut today. I've sent a message to the manager to try and arrange collection today. If I don't hear back I shall have to let the artist know this afternoon that I haven't got anything to play on. Just what I need. Cunt.

Yesterday

I enjoyed dinner, and had an uneventful evening. Bed at a quarter to nine. The kids upstairs were in. They weren't being loud, but I could hear them. I couldn't hear mother though, so I suppose she must have gone out.

Later on

I'm not going to stay long at the computer. I'll be going to the supermarket shortly. I fancy a hamburger for dinner. When I get home I'm having tea and toast. Apart from that I hope this evening will be quiet.

Since yesterday

After a nondescript sort of evening I went to bed at a quarter to nine. I say nondescript, but the people upstairs were at it for much of the evening. This time it was computer games; the sound effects and the 'music' sounded like they were being played through large speakers.
I slept quite soundly, thanks to the tablets, but got woken up during the night the garage next door's burglar alarm. Up at a quarter past seven this morning.
I couldn't be bothered to rush anything. After a leisurely smoke and a coffee, I had a bath and then played patience on the computer. Unusually I didn't fancy going to the library, so I went straight to the historic building instead. I managed to sell some cds today, so I've been out of town to get a new toaster. I'm feeling rather pleased that I didn't have to wait long for it. The weather is bright, sunny and very warm. We had to wait for summer this year, but it was worth waiting for.

Today

I went to the historic building to do some practice, but I was too livid to concentrate. I did speak to the manager about last Sunday's incident, and he said (again) that he would do something about it (again). Tedious. The good news is that I am allowed to wear permanently a very good period costume. It felt good to wear, and the way I moved changed accordingly. It turns out that nobody else liked my Madam Butterfly outfit. I thought it was just me.

In general

Hmmm. I have a habit of making my own bed and then having to lie in it. My current situation is nobody's fault but my own. I let my generous nature get in the way again. Yesterday I thought I'd seen the last of someone. Today I find out that I apparently haven't. I have given one week from today as the final deadline. If they are not gone by then I am going to put their things out. I took the precaution of getting the keys back. What is the most disgraceful is that the person tried to persuade me that I'd misunderstood, knowing full well that I'm autistic. I'm not going to do anything about the situation until next Tuesday. Hopefully it will have resolved itself before then. I don't ever want anything at all to do with other people. The ones that gravitate towards me want a give-and-take relationship, where they do all the taking and I do all the giving. Other people are a cunt.

Yesterday

I cooked nice things for dinner but didn't enjoy them. I spent the evening looking forward to bedtime. I took the tablet at a quarter to nine, and drifted off to the sound of kids thudding round overhead.

Since earlier

I went home and lay down on the sofa with a book. I did have the tea after all. Afterwards I thought I'd take myself out for a breath of air, so here I am again at the library. I shall need to go back home soon though, as the tiredness hasn't really gone away. The weather has been quite beautiful this afternoon; blue skies, sunny and warm.

Since yesterday

I didn't sleep well. I woke up at ten past one, thinking about the idiot at the historic building. He was left in charge, and decided to refuse admission to people half an hour before we close. I'm livid about it, and will tell the man in charge when I see him tomorrow. I also thought about my toaster, which exploded on Saturday morning at the grand old age of fifteen. I also thought about the conversation I'd had earlier in the evening. So I got up for a fag by the balcony, then went back to bed, and picked through a dictionary of languages until nearly four.
Up at seven this morning, feeling very tired indeed. I got to the library as usual, having forgotten that the computers would be out of action for cleaning. I didn't want to go home, so I waited for them to come on. I'm going home very shortly to lie down. If I feel up to it, I may treat myself to a cup of Darjeeling and a nice lemon curd tart this afternoon.

How am I?

It's been a difficult year, what with the workhouse system. The impact of it all has just registered; the delay in processing is an autistic thing. It's a bit like the supernatural, where foresight is usually hindsight. On top of that I was in another situation due to another autistic trait, namely over-helping someone. That, however, is now in the process of resolving itself. The net result of this has been a longish period of bottling up increasing amounts of anxiety and depression. They have now come to bite me. I'm getting all the unwanted physical effects of when these things build up over a period. I feel thoroughly exhausted, so I'm going to take things very, very quietly. I'm going to give myself lots of rest. I am playing this Wednesday. I have no hope of not playing. I have to do it. Then on Thursday night I'm going to have to wing it, and improvise at an artist's exhibition. I'm not pulling out of that either. If I'm lucky someone might book me as a result. Hey-ho.

The weekend

I had a middling sort of weekend at the historic building. One of our new volunteers, and interesting and intelligent lady with an extensive knowledge of Early Modern history, is a dressmaker. She is as unhappy with the Widow Twankey outfit as I am, and has offered to make me a more historically-accurate costume.
Dinner was boring on both days, but stayed up late. Evenings very routine.

In general

I spent yesterday evening stuck in front of the telly. This time it was a couple of World At War disks followed by Mr Turner. I had to stop them from time to time for the usual reason. Bed at nearly eleven. Steel feeling grotty today. I need to play so I'll take myself there very shortly. After that I'm going back to bed. The weather is glorious.

Typical

I got bored at home and couldn't settle down. After rescuing a portion of chicken from the freezer, and after a cup of Darjeeling and a nice doughnut, I decided to go back to the library. The weather is very warm but with a cool sea breeze, so I enjoyed the walk. So far, so good.
When I got to the library, I booked the computer I always try to get, the one that's away from the main suite and where you don't have to listen to all the cackle. When I got here I found a woman's bag on the seat and various papers around the keyboard. I moved the bag to the next seat and put the papers tidily with the ones on the next desk. Then a woman came hobbling over. I politely told her what I'd done, and she replied "I had my leg up on that seat". I answered that I'm working here because I can't handle all the noise next door. She replied "I can't handle having my leg down". I replied "Oh, can't you?", turned round and rolled a fag. I could hear her muttering loudly under her breath. Good. Aren't people lovely. I just love rudeness.

More musical stuff

Next Thursday I'm going to play silent film music for an artist's exhibition. It's such a while since I heard from him I thought it had died a death. Besides he is one of the most chaotic people I have ever met. His plans seemed to change several times a day. That's why I wasn't holding my breath.
Later on I'm going to play for a wedding reception. They want a mixture of classical and old-time songs. They have requested the Fantasie-Impromptu, and that's why I've been working on it. It's quite painful for
the left hand since I had the operation. I haven't got the stretch I once had, and the fingers are in a different place from where they used to be. But I've nearly cracked it. The other classical pieces I've got lined up are much less demanding, but generally popular. I've run the programme by the prospective groom, and he says he's happy with it.

The rest of today

When I get home I'm going to stay there. Can't make up my mind about dinner so it's going to be another curry. The screaming brat who is running unsupervised around the library is very annoying. And so are its responsible adults, who are somewhere else in the building. I am waiting for some good news imminently.

Today

The weather is beautiful today, and I understand we are to expect a heatwave at the weekend. After the coffee and fags I made my way to yet another assessment. I'm going to start another round of counselling sessions with the same lady I saw before, when she becomes available. Shortly I have to go to both the doctors and the workhouse. Then I'm going home to lie down.

Them upstairs

They have continued to be very quiet. That's quite out of character for them, and quite eerie. All except for Wednesday, when they gave one of there virtuoso performances. Little Miss Anthrax was her usual, horrible self, and so was the rest of the family. I've just emailed their landlady, to find out how she got on in court.

Musical stuff

I had a fantastic session on Wednesday. We had loads of appreciative visitors, and I also played for a party of women from some local organisation or other. The annoying person who won't stop talking upset our two new volunteers last Sunday. I think he's going to be weeded out at last. Hope springs eternal.

How am I?

Been a bit unwell. Spent Wednesday afternoon and the whole of yesterday lying down. Not brilliant today, but I have important stuff to see to.

Today

I've got nothing planned for today, which is just as well. I'm still aching from Sunday, so it's off home for the duration.

Since last night

I slept reasonably well, but woke up still feeling tired. Then it was the usual fags and coffee and straight up to the library. The weather is cooler than yesterday, but it's bright enough.

Yesterday

Dinner was enjoyable. I made some dhal paratas to go with a couple of curries from the freezer. The people upstairs continue to be very quiet. I didn't hear Little Miss Anthrax at all, not even this morning. I think they are on the way out. YAY!!!!! I didn't do anything at all, except to sit there and take full advantage of the peacefulness of it all. Bed at twenty to eleven.

Later on

I had wanted to go to the allotment later, but I am too tired. I'm not as young as I was, and yesterday was all very strenuous. I need to pop into the doctors later and then go to the shops. Apart from that, I expect today to be quite unremarkable.

This morning

I was very tired when I got up at seven. It was fags and coffee at the balcony, and then up to the library. On the way I sorted out the electricity, council tax and fags, so I haven't got to think about them anymore. It's another scorcher of a day. I shall have to try and avoid the sun for a bit, as my face is sunburned from yesterday.

Them upstairs

On Saturday night they got home at ten past nine. Little Miss Anthrax ran up and down a few times, but apart from that it was dead quiet. Yesterday they got home at before nine, and I didn't hear the kid at all. I heard it this morning though, but the sound was muffled by their windows being closed. This is all so very different from what I usually get.

Yesterday

The historic building opened after all. The organisation in that place is absolutely shocking. Nobody bothered to tell us. We only found out we were open when two staff turned up. The mouthy git who gets on my nerves has already managed to annoy our two new volunteers, and yesterday was the first time he met them. He was also heard making inappropriate comments to some visitors, who after paying for their tickets, turned round and walked out. Great.
I played for the first hour and a half while the others got ready for the carnival. We duly set off and made our way to our allotted slot. The local paper came and took our photo (will we be in this week's rag, I wonder?), and so did the local tourism board and the carnival organisers.
The procession was gruelling in the heat and the strong, gusty breeze. I played the recorder for a bit, but it wasn't long before I lost interest and carried the banner instead. We had lots of kids calling out excitedly to us, which was lovely. The school visits always go well. Along the way I saw by best friend's brother & his family, and a couple of other people I'm always happy to see, and that cheered me up. I'm relieved that no cunts caught my attention. I'm hoping that they were in the crowd though, as I'd really like them to see how well I'm doing without the benefit of their acquaintance.
When I got home it was bangers and mash for dinner, and a couple of tins of rocket fuel. They went down a treat at the balcony.

Saturday

My time at the historic building was far from brilliant. The pasta for dinner was rather nice, as was the warm weather. I didn't watch anything or read anything. Instead I sat at the balcony, enjoying the plants and watching nothing in particular. Bed at half past ten.

The weekend

I'm playing today as usual. There is an event on in the Old Town today, so I hope my time will be successful. The house is closed tomorrow, so of course I shan't be playing. Instead we are all going in costume to take part in the carnival. That's going to be strange for me and very hard, what with all the people and all the noise. I've thought it out. I shall put the earplugs in and stand in the centre of our group so that I shan't have to talk to people. Deep breath.

Since bedtime

I had a bit of a funny night. I suppose that was because the evening had been so peaceful. I kept waking up desperately wanting to go for a sprint, but I hadn't the energy. Every time it happened I soon fell asleep again, despite my intense discomfort. Up at a quarter past six this morning, to the sound of a party in full swing downstairs. I'm not grumbling about it. It was just a bit odd, as I hardly ever hear the downstairs neighbours. Then it was coffee, fags, bath, toast, and straight up to the library.

Them upstairs

They were out for all of yesterday and into the night, so it was very quiet. I heard them arrive at ten past ten, so I braced myself for a bumpy ride. There was no need though; apart from the patter of tiny footsteps there wasn't a peep out of them.
Little miss madam was up by about eight this morning, and going round the flat like a dose of anthrax. Meanwhile mother was either having a nice lie-in, or being strangely quiet.
I don't want to raise my hopes, only to have them dashed, so I shan't speculate about whether she's moving out. I can only hope. In the past I used to try and make excuses; it wasn't the kid's fault, I wouldn't want the woman to lose her home, and all that sort of bollocks. You know what? I don't care any more whether she gets booted out. In fact I hope she does get booted out, if she doesn't move first of her own volition.

Yesterday

The rest of the afternoon was routine. The chicken curry came out really well, and co did the cauliflower pilau that went with it. Afterwards I watched the first disk of Rameau's Zoroastre before starting on Carry On Loving; one of the direst films ever made. Bed at half past ten.

Now

I'm getting bored at the computer. I've done my bit on the historic building's social media page, and somewhat boosted its readership. We now have over 440 followers, instead of the 280 I started with, so I must be doing something right. In a moment I'll take myself to the foreign supermarket for a bottle of their nice cider.

A thought

I have a history of helping people well beyond the bounds of what is reasonable. I have recently learned that this is an autistic trait. I have resolved never to do that again, except for a very few special people. That is going to be very hard for me to do, as I am by nature generous. I can't be generous with the pennies though, as I don't have any to spare. And that doesn't sit easy with me. I like sharing. And I like giving.

Later on

I had some very welcome news, and breathed a big sigh of relief when I heard it. So I'm not taking my tablet tonight. I'm going to have a cider instead, because I'm woyth it. When I went home earlier I decieid what I'm having for dinner; chicken curry (groan) with channa dhal, cooked the South-Indian home-made way. I'm really enjoying the weather today, so I daresay I'll spend much of this evening looking at the balcony. Well done, good news! That's exactly what I've been hoping for for for quite a while!

A bit of levity

This is supposed to be humourous (allegedly). It's strange how a good joke can be pregnant with truth.

The rest of today

I'm going to do some practice at the historic building in a moment. Apart from the pickling I don't have any plans for today.

Since last night

I don't know whether I was asleep or unconscious, but I don't remember anything at all about the night. Up at seven this morning, drowsy and slow. Fags and coffee by the balcony and then up to the library. The computers were down to begin with, but they'd been fixed by a quarter to ten. The weather is beautifully sunny and comfortably warm.

Yesterday

I had an easy afternoon. After a rather enjoyable dinner I picked through an illustrated encyclopaedia of Scotland. Afterwards I prepared some vegetables and vinegar for pickling today. Bed at nine. The people upstairs were scarily quiet, but the little girl started piping up just as I went to bed.

An afterthought

I'm still a bit pre-occupied with the other night's dream. I feel sure it must be trying to tell me something. I'm still thinking about the conversation with my support worker, and about the hoverfly larvae. The latter have reminded me of another type of individual that I seem to attract; the psychic vampire. These people home in on one and get themselves firmly dug in. Then they proceed to gradually drain all one's energy until there is nothing left, while they themselves flourish as a result. Religious people come into this category. Religion is nothing less than a fraud that is practiced on the gullible. The gullible convince themselves that they are deriving some sort of 'betterment' from this 'wisdom'; in fact the preachings do no more than to reinforce the person's sense of inferiority, but with the promise that better things will come once the person is dead. It's blackmail by another name; be good or you won't get all the promised rewards.

The rest of today

I shall make my way home presently, and have a nice cup of tea. I think I shall stay home for the duration, and try and rest for a bit. I'm still mulling over what to have for dinner, but whatever it is, it's going to have runner beans and onion with it. Let's see how this evening turns out.

Today, so far

I was still very drowsy when I got up. I had the fags and coffee at the balcony as usual. I noticed that all the aphids had gone, and so had all the grubs. I expect they have probably pupated now that their food supply has dried up.
I went to the allotment straight afterwards. I had a bumper crop of half-a-dozen runner beans, but there are still plenty of flowers on the plants. My onions had been eaten away, but I harvested one moderate-sized brown onion and some silverskins. I shall pickle the latter with some cauliflower.  I gave the whole lot a good watering while I was there. Then it was straight up to the library.

Sleep

No sooner had I got into bed than the little girl got very lively, and I heard her stampeding around directly overhead. I was just starting to fall asleep when there was another stampede followed by what sounded like a toy cupboard crashing to the floor, with all its contents falling out at the same time. No intervention from mother, even though it was nearly eleven o'clock. So that was that. I was wide awake, feeling shaken and nervous. Sleep was consequently very unsatisfactory.

Yesterday

Dinner was a particularly un-enjoyable minced beef thing. Afterwards I watched some more episodes of the World At War, followed by a documentary about Rameau's Zoroastre.
The people upstairs were more subdued than normal. I could hear the kids from time to time, but their windows were shut. The woman started running her loud machine (carper cleaner, I wonder) at ten past eight for about half an hour. Bed at half past nine.

Since earlier

I had a so-so sort of time at the historic building. The highlight was a comment in the visitors' book, where the writers were bowled over by my comprehensive knowledge of social history from a musicological standpoint. It always makes my day when people actually get and enjoy what I'm talking about. Mediocre tips, but enough to get another pack of meat for the freezer. After I've been to the supermarket I shall go straight home until tomorrow. I had been hell-bent on going to the allotment today, but I still don't feel quite up to it. My mood is still a bit odd from last night's dream and the subsequent chains of thought. And I'm still tired. I'm to expect a call from the funny farm at some point. My support worker will attend the interview. I've got to get this medicine thing sorted out. I'm sure I shouldn't be this tired after more than four months of taking it. I don't want to take tablets. I have told the responsible persons time and time again that tablets have never worked for me. They don't improve my mood. All they do is to make me feel drugged. The tablets are a cunt.

Now

The loo in the library is out of action, which is so often the case, so I'll need to make my way home before disaster strikes. While I'm there I'll have a bit of toast before I make my way to the historic building. The weather has started to improve so, touch wood, I'm hoping for a decent day.

Thinking

While I was at the balcony earlier on, I remembered a strange dream. I was back in Galapagar (in my dream the place didn't resemble the town in real life) and moving into a rented room. The place was a slum and the room filthy, disorganised, shabby and cluttered. I cleaned and tidied a bit and got into bed. No sooner had I laid down than I started to feel uncomfortable; there was a sense of frantic movement and an odd tickling sensation. When I pulled back the bedding I saw that the sheets were crawling with insects, and tiny moths flying out in all directions. I called out for the landlady, who charged into the room grumbling. I showed her the bed, and she stood there arguing and protesting, and insisting that there was nothing wrong. Then she reached under the bed and pulled out a plastic tub. I was horrified to see that it was filled by two of the most appalling, menacing-looking creatures; they were lying apparently lifeless on their backs, and resembled both king crabs and trilobites. They were vividly coloured in blocks of red, green, yellow and black. The woman told me they were "solo cucarachas" (only cockroaches). Then I woke up.
This morning my train of thought was as follows:
Insects figure largely in my life at the moment. On the one hand there are the house-flies that bob around aimlessly before finding their way onto the fly-paper. On the other hand there are the hover-fly grubs that are putting paid to the aphids on my fuchsias.
The insects remind me of the sort of people that have generally gravitated towards me throughout my life; people who smile yet who are malevolent and abusive. Yesterday my support worker commented that my autism is very apparent, and asked me if I attracted people like the ones I have just described. She was spot on as usual. She also warned me that there were many such people in the Old Town, and thought I'd be better suited to a 'nice part' of the next town. She also observed that the rest of my life is likely to be clouded by depression with the occasional flashes of brightness, except if I can manage to make it into academia. She says her organisation has the resources to help me to succeed in this endeavour, and she has something lined up for me in the near future.

Since last night

I slept very badly. It was as if I were in a state of limbo; neither asleep nor awake, and thinking lucidly throughout. Up at half past seven feeling very tired. Fags and coffee by the balcony, and straight up to the library. The weather is humid, mild, overcast and windy, but looks like it's trying to brighten up.

Yesterday

I had another good go at the Chopin and the new Handel suite. The house was closed yesterday, but we allowed some visitors to come in, as they were only down for the day. That brought me the unexpected bonus of some tips from people who enjoyed my practice session! So afterwards it was straight up to the supermarket to get some more things for the freezer.
I spent the rest of the day at home. It was a fatty pork and scotch bonnet thing for dinner, and rather enjoyable too. The people upstairs were generally, but not always, quiet. I put on La Vie En Rose, but had to stop it so many times that I lost interest, and didn't finish the film. Bed at ten.

The rest of today

When I finish at the library, I'm going to try and do some practice. I don't know if my hands and brain will respond though. Afterwards I shall go home and stay there. In short, I expect it to be a quite unremarkable day.

In general

It started raining just before I went to bed. It was a very fine sort of precipitation, and more like mist than rain. When I got up this morning, I could see that it had rained heavily during the night. It is very overcast, warm and humid at the moment, but I can see that the sun will break through at any time.
I had intended to go to the allotment later on, but I still feel too drugged for the journey. I really want to go today, but fear I shall have to put it off until tomorrow.

Since last night

I weren't half tired when I got to bed. Apart from a quick sprint at ten past five, I slept right round to half past eight this morning. I must have needed that sleep. Although I was knocked for six, I went to the balcony and got through the fags and coffee as quickly as I could. I noticed that there were very few greenfly left on the fuchsia. I hop that doesn't mean I've seen the back of the hover-fly larvae. I've grown to rather look forward to seeing them. Afterwards it was a mad dash to the meeting with my support worker. I made it just in time.

Yesterday

I spent the afternoon doing nothing in particular, but found myself intently watching the hover-fly grubs making short work of the greenfly. Curry for dinner, and not a bad one either. Afterwards I watched some more of the World At War.

The people upstairs got home at about eight o'clock. Fucking kids fucking shouting, fucking screaming ant fucking stampeding around. At just before half past eight I had to stop my dvd; her ladyship was running a machine that made a loud, grinding sound. Cunt. Bed at nine, feeling worn out.

The rest of today

When I get home I shall have another bash of the Chopin on my piano. I have now re-memorised everything except the coda. It feels odd playing it on the piano rather than the keyboard, but I'll need to play it on a piano. Afterwards I'll have a nice cup of Darjeeling with some toast and cake. This evening will, I expect, be quite as usual. Haven't made my mind up about dinner yet. I'll rescue something from the freezer when I get home.
The flat is still looking lovely. I can't for the life of me think why I never cottoned on to the housework thing years ago. It doesn't take five minutes either.

Since earlier

I went to the historic building and had a go at the Chopin. I've broken the back of the coda. I've also started learning another Handel suite, but, thankfully, on a much smaller scale than the one I currently play. I also saw an article about us in the current issue of a national publication, so have been broadcasting the fact inasmuch as I am able to. The weather now is warm, humid and a bit overcast. I wonder if it'll rain.

Musical stuff

All the hard work I've put into the Chopin is really producing results. I've nearly got the codetta bits right, which only leaves the coda to work on. I'll definitely have that up and running by the time I need to play it, later on this month. Sometimes I think I'm probably not as daft as I look.

Gardeners' world

One of my fuchsias has been heavily infested with greenfly, and hasn't thrived for some while. On Saturday morning I saw a huge hover-fly (I've never seen one like it) depositing its eggs individually around the plant. I had a look after I finished playing, and saw some grubs working their way up and down and eating them. Good news; wherever the grubs happen to be is nor completely free of aphids. And the plant has started to flower! The score is as follows: Hoverfly larvae 1, Aphids 0.

Love thy neighbour

They were quiet on Saturday. I could hear that they were in, but they behaved themselves. Sunday was a different matter. I thought I was going to have another quiet evening, but I was wrong. I know they got home at ten past nine because I heard their front door slam. They had company, both infant and adult. Windows open, raised voices, calling from one room to another. Those fucking kids were still running around and shouting when I turned in at half past ten. The little girl was the worst, periodically screaming her head off. She threw four tantrums within an hour and a half, wailing and shouting. Do you know what? I'd bloody well give her something to wail and shout for. And there wouldn't be a next time. It's grin and bear it time. The cunts are in court any day now. I can't wait for them to go.

The weekend

We had indifferent weather for Saturday, but a hot and sunny Sunday. I had a good couple of days at the historic building, which was very good news for the freezer. Something is different this year. People still visit the building when the weather is hot. In the past they used to go to the beach instead. We must be doing something right. Evenings were dull, and I spent them ignoring dvds of the World At War.