News

For the past three months I have been hanging on my post, waiting for a tribunal date to be set. Well a letter came yesterday, saying that the tribunal had already been heard, and saying that 'I had elected for the case to be dealt with on the basis of the paperwork alone'. I certainly hadn't made that decision. In fact I wasn't even asked that question. So I have been tried in absentia, as it were, at a hearing that took place some two hundred  miles from where I live, and without me being told about it. So much for British 'justice' and 'fairness'. These are nothing more than a figment of the national imagination. It has left me feeling heartily sick. I've sent the paperwork to my support worker, in case anything can be done.

A history lesson

I've just finished reading a substantial (but very well-written) biography of Marie Antoinette. The woman was nothing more than a product of her background and her times, as are we all. Yes she was treated shamefully at the end, but I don't blame the people who rose up against what she stood for. I don't like the idea of violent revolution one bit, what with all the gas-bags spouting ideology for ever after, and for all the intolerance and cruelty which inevitably follow in its wake. However I fully understand why revolutions occur, living in the country and time that I do.

In general

My week has been, mentally, very exhausting. I have written to appeal against the decision I received recently from H.M. Government's agencies. In the meanwhile I have taken them to court over their previous treatment of me, and am waiting for a date to be set. Earlier on this week I had the sad task of cleaning up a flat whose occupants had been arrested. The flat was in a shocking state and I almost threw up once or twice. Add to this my usual round of harpsichording and psychiatric appointments. It does tire me out.

A question

'That time of the year' is rapidly approaching. In fact it has been rapidly approaching since September, when Christmas goodies started to appear on the supermarket shelves. I've just seen an advert by a restaurant, showing that they will give free meals to the 'homeless and needy' on Christmas Day. Of course this is a highly commendable act, but what are the homeless and needy to do for the rest of the year? And why doesn't the government do something to improve the lot of these poor people? Where is our national responsibility?

Today

I've had quite a busy day. After an hour at the library first thing this morning, I went straight to the historic building. Today I was in gardener mode. I raked up a vast quantity of fallen leaves, and put them on the two compost heaps. After that I moved and re-planted some chrysanthemums and pansies, which has bade the front of the garden look a whole lot brighter. Two other staff have made a display of hand-made poppies, in preparation for armistice day tomorrow. The weather wasn't very nice; cold and wet, and left me chilled through to the bone and with sore hands. Still, that was a job well done.

Today

We've had a fair bit of rain these last few days. It's good for the garden (I've taken over the gardening at the historic building), but I really don't like being out in it. It has been wet all day, but not so cold as yesterday, but sufficiently nasty to keep everybody indoors. We didn't have a single visitor at the historic building, and I can't remember the last time that happened. I did make use of the time, though, practicing new pieces. We closed an hour early, so I shall be home nice and early this afternoon.
Last July I had an appointment at the funny farm. When I got there the woman I was supposed to see was on holiday. She'd forgotten to record the appointment on the computer. At that point muggins dropped off their radar for the second or third time, and I couldn't even be bothered to contact them. Well last Saturday I got a letter, completely out of the blue, from the said woman at the said establishment, asking me to an appointment this week, and asking me to phone if I couldn't attend. Well I can't attend. My support worker will come with me, and I need more than three working days' notice to arrange that. And I'm not phoning. They already know that I don't do that, so I've written them a letter. Let's see what happens.

In general

Yesterday I had rather a nondescript sort of evening. Around teatime I was contacted by my support worker, who had just read the report I sent her. She was not impressed by the errors and omissions, so we are meeting to prepare our appeal. The appeal is probably on a hiding to nothing, so it's likely I'll be taking them to court again. That's the trouble when the writer is government-approved rather than independent; they are bound to tow the government line instead of being objective. It was a simple spaghetti for dinner, followed by a couple of documentaries, and the marvellous Vincent Price film The Masque of the Red Death, based on Edgar Allan Poe's story. The weather has been noticeably colder lately, and I put the heater on for the first time this year.

Fossils

Meet my ancestor John Freeth of Birmingham (1731-1808). He was an interesting man. He was an innkeeper, poet and songwriter, and a major figure of the Enlightenment in Birmingham.  He also ran a coffee house (the Leicester Arms, Bell St), where his circle, the Jacobin Club, met. I think I like him already, but I expect he was a bit of a cunt, like the rest of my family. The paintings show the man himself, and himself with the Jacobin Club.

Past times

I've had such a lot on my mind lately, and such a lot going on, that I haven't been able to write for a while. So much in fact, that my brain ground to a complete halt where it was so overloaded.
British values include such virtues as fairness and tolerance, so we are told. Well the government's treatment of the disabled is anything but fair or tolerant. It has been so disgraceful that the U.N. has published a damning report on the subject. I don't like to play the victim. It really doesn't become me. I can't help pointing out, though, that most of my year has been blighted by my own personal experiences of this so-called 'fairness and tolerance'. I am in fighting mood, and am taking the government's agencies to court over my treatment at their hands. The papers have all been sent, so now all I am waiting for is a date.
I can hardly believe the current state of things, except that I know my experiences to be true. I can fully understand why thousands of disabled people have committed suicide as a result of the terrible cruelty to which they had been subjected. The government, needless to say, is in complete denial of this fact. I am certain that, were it not for my intellect, I would by now be drugged up to the eyeballs in an institution, living on the streets, or worse. I must be as tough as old boots to have been able to withstand the repeated horrors of this year.
The country seems to have gone back in time to about 1837, when the reforms of the 1834 poor law were starting to be implemented. People such as myself were categorised as "idiot, imbecile, lunatic, feeble-minded". We were the undeserving poor, who found incarceration in a workhouse infirmary (and all the concomitant brutality and cruelty) preferable to starvation on the streets. We were objects
of derision; objects of fun to the morally-upright. We were objects then, and are still.
I can only hope (but not pray. That is outside my experience.) that real fairness and real tolerance will one day find a place in the policies of those who govern us.

In general

I've had a lot on my mind lately, and the latest, awful news has really knocked me for six. The news I have been carrying around for three days is this: two people I work with have been charged with a high-profile murder. You would not believe how shaken and upset I am. I couldn't bring myself to say anything before now, but their names and one of their photos have just been published by the local paper. I don't understand why people do such terrible things to another person. No wonder I can't sleep. I wake up during the night feeling completely beside myself. That's enough now. I'm bloody tired.

Since last night

I had another bad night, and woke up at ten to three this morning, thinking frantically. After a few fags and a couple of mugs of coffee, I took myself back to bed. I was awake for a while, but think I slept for about half an hour. I finally got up at about six. After the rest of the fags and another coffee, I made my way up to the library, only to find out that the computers were out of action. So I took myself to the historic building three-quarters of an hour early, and sat in the garden. It weren't half cold! I had the talk and came back to the library afterwards. I'm going home for a snack, but I don't know what I'll do afterwards. I'm too tired to think of that.

Yesterday

I enjoyed by rough-and-ready dinner. After that I watched The Old Dark House, a tedious comedy with a brilliant cast, and Escapade, a dreary, middle-class melodrama. Bed at half past nine. Them upstairs were quiet again.

Later on

I'm having bangers and chips for dinner, which will make a nice change. I hope I'm in for yet another quiet evening, which would be lovely. I'm bound to watch something, but I can't think what at the moment. I'm off to the historic building in the morning, as I want to speak to the manager. We have something very serious to discuss in connection with one of the staff. That has been playing on my mind since I heard the shocking news yesterday morning. As if I haven't already had enough upheaval in my life. As if I haven't got enough to think of in the first place. It's all very worrying and very distressing.

Today

Last night was cold and windy, and it has continued the same. The dreary fags and coffee were followed as usual by a trip to the library. Afterwards I popped home for a bite to eat, followed by the first trip of the day to the doctor's surgery, as I needed to collect some paperwork. Then I went to the library for another session on the computer, before going straight back to the doctor's for the first of my new lot of counselling. It didn't work for me this time. It was a new practitioner, so I had to start from scratch again. I went straight from there to a meeting with my support worker. We had some business to attend to. Also she introduced me to someone who is going to help me with the psychological stuff. Now I'm back at the library, but shan't be here for much longer.

Last night

The curry was boring. Afterwards I watched Time Is My Enemy, a very good cops 'n robbers film, followed by the beginning of Young Wives' Tale. That was supposed to be a comedy, but was so appallingly unfunny that I switched it off. Bed at nine.
I slept much better last night. I was awake for a while from ten past two, what with everything going round in my head, but didn't wake up finally until nearly seven this morning.

Later on

I'm going home very shortly. I do feel appallingly tired, so I'll try and get some sleep. I expect it'll be mince for dinner, followed by a film, and then bed. The weather has turned noticeably colder and windier now. In fact it's more like autumn.

More things

I've been quite wrapped up in the genealogy again. It was the news of my father that got me thinking like this. I realise I'm now in a position to put some sort of closure to a very sad part of my life.

Things

Last night was peaceful again, and so was this morning. Not a peep out of the people upstairs. I'm not going to tempt providence by expressing an opinion. After dinner I watched Passport To Shame and On Approval, which made for a miserable evening's viewing.
I turned in at around half past nine, and was wide awake long before ten to four this morning. This morning has been all fags, coffee, tiredness and thoughts.
I spent ages and ages waiting to be let in at the historic building. It turns out that something very serious has occurred, so we shan't be opening today.

Generally

I suddenly realised that I'm now the oldest person in my family. Big deal. we all get older at the same rate. I'm still waiting for some letters to arrive. Very annoying and very boring.
Later on I'm having shepherd's pie and chips for dinner, which will be such a treat! Then it'll be a film or two, depending on the noise.

Today

I slept through to half past six this morning, which was quite an achievement. After the coffee and fags it was up to the library for a short session, before taking the bus to see my support worker. Afterwards I went to the historic building to run through some English music for the first time, by John Blow and William Croft. It's very good too, and sounds very English to me.
Then it was back to the library. My dad's demise has got me back into family history mode, so I had another look at the website I used yesterday. I've found a whole load more closely-related ancestors from the 18th Century. I now know that my family has been living in the same area for at least three hundred years. I bet my ancestors were a bunch of cunts too.

Yesterday

I had a lovely evening round my friend's. When I got home all was quiet, so I thought I'd watch a film. The Weak and the Wicked was on the menu, and I really enjoyed it. It was a well-acted melodrama with some hilarious comic episodes, and a very strong cast. Bed at eleven.

Autism stuff

After a lovely, nice cup of tea, I took myself to bed to try and get a bit of sleep. No chance. My brain was too busy. I lay there, yawning, for about an hour, before getting up feeling completely frustrated with myself.
I'd been thinking about my father. How I loathed the man for having been so cruel to me when I was a kid. And I loathed him for deserting my brothers and I. Now he has joined the silent majority. A bit like the Monty Python parrot that no longer is, has ceased to be, and has shuffled off this mortal coil.
Then my whole life seemed to flash before me in an instant. I've always rejected the label of disability, but things started to fall into place. On the one handy condition gives some advantages, such as a huge intellect and attention to precision. On the other hand it is quite limiting. All the uncontrolled mental activity, the anxiety (particularly social anxiety) and depression, the inability to understand body language and unwritten social cues, the inability to read between the lines, the feeling of 'otherness' and the almost total lack of confidence, have been disabling factors in my life. They have held me back from reaching my full potential, which might have been much simpler had I been 'normal'. I think I have now accepted that I do have a disability, and need to try and be a bit fairer to myself, rather than fighting it off.
I keep seeing pictures on social media of a particular drinking establishment, where I used to play in a previous incarnation. It really is most annoying. The place is a cunt-trap.

Now

I'm getting a bit bored with the computer, so I'm going home to complete my Dad's entry on the family tree. While I'm there I'll have a nice cup of Darjeeling and a muffin. I might lie down for an hour before I go out again.

In general

I've just bumped into my support worker yet again. Actually it's really the other way round. She bumped into me. She says she has a very good feeling about last week's assessments. I'm sure that everything must be alright, otherwise she wouldn't have said it. It's still going to play on my mind though. It's all this 'wait and see' stuff. I've never been good at it. I need to be absolutely sure where I am with things.

Today

I can't see me getting a nap this afternoon. It's been a funny sort of day, what with all the unfinished activity from last week, what with the lack of sleep, and what with the unexpected news I found out earlier.
Earlier on I took a vulnerable person to get some financial advice. He volunteers at the same place as me, and is vulnerable because of mental health issues. He's been taken advantage of, by agreeing to buy something on his card for someone else. Needless to say that person didn't buy the cheapest they could find. Far from it. And needless to say that someone has no intention of paying the bill. Predatory cunts like that really do make me angry and upset.
Later on I shall be off to my best friend's. I think I shall come home though. I've been waking up stupidly early, and would feel very uncomfortable about prowling round their house for fags during the night.

News

I've just discovered online that my father died a few years ago. Now I can complete his entry on the family tree. I must admit I do feel a bit shaken. I didn't expect that.

Yesterday

My time at the historic building started of very dire indeed. Most people just walked past me. IJust as I was packing up to leave an hour and a half early. a group of visitors walked in and sat down. And they stayed. That made my day.
Having sorted out my tummy, all the stress of the moment has started it up again. It was lentils for dinner and dates for afters. I'm still a bit sore, but it'll be alright in a few days. After dinner I watched London Belongs To Me, a lovely melodrama from 1948. Bed at half past nine. The people upstairs were a cunt. The kids were still running round shrieking when I turned in.

Now

I have been buffeted by thoughts and memories from last week's events. My sleep has been all over the place. I've been up since a quarter past three this morning, so I'm feeling mentally tired, physically tired and sleep-deprived. I did try going back to bed at five this morning, but I didn't manage to sleep. The weather is lovely this morning, but it's starting to get cooler and more autumnal.

In the news

The disabled have had a desperately bad time of it since the present administration was voted into office (by a minority of the population I might add, but that's another story). It has been reported in the press that the law is about to change, and people with chronic conditions that never improve will no longer have to be re-assessed every six months or so. This will apply to autistic adults, which is good news. Autism is, however, classified as a 'disease' along with MS and all sorts of other things. Well autism is not a disease, but that's just nit-picking. I still don't trust this government, so it's going to be another time for waiting and seeing.

In general

I had a mediocre sort of time at the historic building. We had visitors alright, but I'm sure some of them came in just to get out of the almighty hailstorm and the torrential rain which followed it. The quality of the daylight was very poor, and this affected me. I played very hard and my hands feel very tired. So does my head. I'm off home shortly for an average sort of evening.

A brainwave

Very soon I shall be in a position to start visiting people that I haven't seen for a very long time, and who I miss dreadfully. I've decided to get a railcard and travel in comfort!

Today

I heard it rain quite heavily during the night, and severe storms are predicted for our area later on today. I woke up at six to a dull, dark morning,. The day started with fags, coffee and toast, and lots and lots of thinking. The thinking shows no signs of stopping, but I never stop thinking anyway.
I'm playing this weekend as usual. Today I'll make an effort and wear the period costume. I hope this weekend will be a good one, and that the weather won't stop people from visiting us.

How am I?

My mind is still very restless, and trying to come to terms with the week's major events. I don't believe in counting one's chickens before they have hatched, but I can reasonably expect at least some of the clutch to hatch. It's a time for waiting and seeing, something I've never been particularly good at.
This morning I have a very slight hangover. It just goes to show that I'm not as used to wine as I used to be.

Yesterday

I played for a very long time, so was consequently very tired for the rest of the day. I had a junk-food dinner made from things I had in the cupboard. Afterwards I tried watching an episode of Coast, but had to give up because of the antics of that dear, sweet Little Miss Anthrax. When things quietened down I watched another previously-unwatched dvd from my collection; Madame Bovary. That was very well-made. While I was watching it I enjoyed a bottle of wine that I'd been given. Bed at some time after ten.

Today

I was up at four, feeling just as tired as I did yesterday. After the fags and coffee it was time to iron a shirt and have a bath. I felt a bit fed up, and ended up taking myself to the historic building at seven. We got everything set up and I did some more practice.
The event went very well indeed, although we finished earlier than expected.
I'm going home in a minute. I expect it'll be another early night.

The rest of yesterday

I duly arrived at the historic building just after lunchtime, and started getting things ready for the forthcoming event. The weather turned so we were unable to do much outside. When the rain started I did some practice instead.
Boring curry for dinner. Then it was a couple of episodes of Coast. Bed, exhausted , at twenty past eight. The cunts upstairs were being noisy, but at least they had their windows closed.

Yesterday morning

I woke up at the crack of half past four in the morning, exhausted and full of apprehension. I arrived at the venue a couple of hours before my appointment, so I had a nice walk around the town centre.
The assessment came round. To my surprise the assessor had studied my condition prior to the appointment, and asked me completely pertinent questions. Her whole manner was both kind and curteous. She told me at the end that I do qualify for the help I've been asking for, and that she was going to send her report to the person who makes the decision. I left the meeting in a complete state of shock.
The first time I was assessed I answered the questions truthfully but literally. I answered to each question that 'I can do that'. What I should have added is 'but I don't do it because....'. If it weren't for my support worker, I'd still be up the creek.

Tomorrow

It's going to be a strange day. I've got the assessment first thing in the morning, then I'm spending time at the historic building to do my stuff. The computers at the library will be out of action for the day. Still, I suppose it'll do me good to be offline for a day.

This evening

I am a creature of habit. Although I sometimes do a bit of jiggery-pokery with the ingredients, I have always cooked a roast dinner in exactly the same way. The outcome is more-or-less predictable. But then people always tell me that my roast dinners are good. Well I made a good 'un today, so am inclined to agree with those people. Now it's all peace and quiet.

Earlier on

I had a reasonable sort of day at the historic building, which was a surprise. The first hour there was very quiet indeed and I didn't expect the day to come to anything, but plenty of people came in after that. When we were closed I sorted out the tombola prizes and tickets for Friday. Then it was a bus ride to my friend's where the chicken seems to be doing very nicely. The weather has been lovely and warm.

The next few days

I've got a busy time ahead of me. Tomorrow's assessment is some distance from where I live. After I've got myself home I need top go straight to the historic building. We have an event on Friday and I'll be playing for six hours. Tomorrow though, I'll be helping to get everything set up beforehand. Then I'm playing on Saturday and Sunday as usual.

Later on

After I finish playing I'm making my way back to my friend's. I'm going to cook a roast dinner, which I haven't done for years. I used to make a very nice roast dinner, and people always used to comment (very favourably) on my potatoes. I shall rescue the meat from the freezer once I get home.
I'm apprehensive about tomorrow's assessment. My support worker assures me that there's nothing to worry about, but I can't help it. I don't know the venue. I don't know who the assessor is. I don't know who will make the decision. And I don't trust them. I can't help worrying.
I haven't heard from my nephew since last Christmas, and I've long been meaning to drop him a line. It's his birthday today so I took the plunge. I would like to see him. When I lived in London I used to see him quite often, and do miss that.

Autism stuff

Two things are playing on my mind, both of which concern people's cruelty to others. The first story is that of an autistic kid, who was treated in such a way as to humiliate him in front of his class. To me this is both horrible and unforgivable. Life can be very hard for those of us who are 'different', where we are expected to comply with totally inflexible rules which are suited to 'ordinary' people but are completely alien to our way of thinking. This system has caused untold suffering to those of us who don't quite fit in.
The second thing that has disturbed me is one of those horrible mobile phone videos of somebody being bullied. I saw it on social media and wish I hadn't. I suffered terribly from bullying throughout my childhood, and the bullying continued into adulthood. This is apparently a common experience for autistic people. The childhood bullying is a mixture of fists and cruel words, whereas the adult bullying tends to be of the psychological sort. How anybody with an ounce of humanity can find any enjoyment in the suffering of others is beyond me. It leaves me feeling quite shaken, and brings back some terrifying memories from my distant past.

This morning

I was up at about six o'clock, and the sun had just started to come up. The weather is bright and cool, and promises to be warm this afternoon. I shall need to get myself home before too long. I'm not very happy with my appearance, so I'll have a wash and brush-up when I get there. If I was on my own I wouldn't bother, but I'm going to be with friends, and that's different. Afterwards I'll be straight off to the historic building to get myself ready to play.

Last night

I had a strange night. I was convinced that I had been awake all night, but whenever I checked the time, it was a couple of hours later that the last time I had checked. I was deep in thought as the day's events started to sink in. I thought mostly about the assessment. I am certain that the assessor had given a much fairer report than the one I got first time round. Then I realised that she wasn't the one who would be making the decision. It was all down to some anonymous bureaucrat sitting at a desk in some remote office. That got me worrying, what with government quotas and all that.

And finally

A very long and trying day is gradually drawing to its close. I'm so enjoying spending the evening without the company of my upstairs neighbours, the cunts. It's very dark outside. It has started getting dark quite early now. So off I go now for a little bit of peace and quiet!

Since this morning

I arrived at the venue for my appointment with three quarters of an hour to spare. Just as I walked into their car park, my phone rang. It was the people I was going to meet, ringing me to cancel the appointment. I rang off and hit the roof. Shortly afterwards my support worker turned up. She was not best pleased when I broke the news for her. She went into the building and made such a fuss, that they agreed to see me after all. I was called in an hour and a quarter later than my appointment time. I was surprised that the assessment only took some fifteen minutes. My lady reassured me that this was a good thing; the assessor would have gathered all the evidence she needed. Now it's time to wait and see.

Soon

I'll need to make a move very shortly. I'll have about an hour to spare once I reach my destination, but I want to make sure I get there on time. I'll allow myself enough time for cancelled buses, and enough time to get off the bus and wait for another, if the one I'm on gets too noisy. What I definitely don't want at the moment are any more screaming kids. Chin up, best foot forward and a deep breath or two.

In general

I've just had a strange quarter of an hour. The library's loo is still out of order (because it had been vandalised again), so I took myself to one near the supermarket. The place stank of piss, so obviously hadn't had its daily clean yet. Then I went into the supermarket, to get some jaffa cakes to eat on the way to my appointment. The place was full of people hobbling round with walking-sticks, and generally getting under my feet. Then there were the wierdos with supermarket trolleys, who can't be bothered to hold the thing and push it. They propel the thing along by putting their forearms on the handle and leaning forward. Lazy, annoying cunts. They ought to bring back transportation for people like that.

The appointment

I'm not at all looking forward to my assessment. The people conducting it are no more than the government's lackeys. They have targets and quotas to meet. They obey without question. They are the sort of people who have oiled the wheels of many a totalitarian state. They deliver cruelty and injustice, and smile while they are doing it. I am under no illusion. This time though, I have someone to speak up for me. That's what I really needed before, but it hadn't happened at the time I needed it. The last time I saw these people I wanted to give a good impression. I don't know why I did that. I suppose I thought I needed to. I was all togged up, all smart and clean-shaven. This time I am going exactly as I am, and I won't even try to mind my language. If I have to speak, then I shall say it exactly as it is, and in my own language. Deep breath now.

Today

I don't remember anything at all about last night. I don't think I fell asleep. It was probably a case of falling unconscious rather than sleeping. Up at about seven this morning to the usual fags and coffee, and then on to the library as usual.. I still feel very tired.
This afternoon I've got the first of my assessments, and I'll be staying at my best friend's afterwards.

Yesterday

I felt really poorly all day. Dinner tasted alright but looked revolting. It was better when I made it with pork rather than chicken. In the evening I spent a couple of hours with friends, enjoying a nice glass of wine. I was back home for a quarter past nine. I wanted to go to bed, but didn't feel ready to settle down where I was feeling to overtired. Upstairs was all silence, so I watched part of Stage Fright. Bed at ten.

The rest of today

I shall be off home shortly. I could really do with a sleep, but can't see me getting any. I shall make a concoction for dinner; chicken portions cooked with bacon, chorizo, tomato and a pile of lentils. I shan't need to make anything to go with it. I'll probably have a raw green chili with it to help it down. Afterwards it'll be off to my friend's with the remains of yesterday's matar panir and pillao rice. Then it'll be home to try and watch Stage Fright, and then bed. I must try and sleep better tonight.

Since earlier

As soon as I got home I took myself to bed. I couldn't sleep though. My mind is too full. After a while I heard a bit of a crash as something came through the letterbox. When I got up to investigate I found it was the opposition's papers for my hearing at the tribunal. That was a depressing read. I read a bit of the Mayhew and then lay down on the sofa for a bit of shut-eye. No chance; Madam took up residence, and started playing what to her severely-limited brain passes for music. It wasn't loud, but the aggressive percussion and pointless bass line seemed to ooze through the ceiling, and make the top of my skull feel numb. Well that was that. After a cup of tea with the usual accompaniments I made my way to the library, still feeling quite odd and out of sorts. Today has been a bit of a cunt really.

Autism stuff

This question is for those of you who are autistic: If someone asks you what it is like to be autistic, what do you say? My answer is 'How the fuck do I know?' For one thing I have never been anything but autistic, so I do not have a point of comparison. For another thing I cannot properly describe how I feel. For yet another thing I know how I feel, but the words I use never quite describe the feeling. The words will say something about it, but won't say exactly what it is. In truth I don't really understand how I feel, and I suppose that's why the words I use are so inadequate. I sometimes feel like asking someone what it is like to be neurotypical. I'd really love to know.

One thing that really gives me the hump is when someone says 'You don't look autistic'. What a fucking imbecilic statement. It's like saying to someone 'You don't look deaf'.

This morning I received a copy of the papers that the parish wants to use against me at the tribunal. I saw something that made me laugh at first, and then made me very angry. My doctor has written on my medical records that I have learning difficulties. Learning difficulties???? Don't make me laugh! I'm at least as intelligent as he is, and I suspect a great deal more intelligent. He, in fact, is really the one with the learning difficulties. His 'cultural' approach to my autism (he told me it isn't important) has prevented him from understanding the real significance of what I've tried to tell him. His 'blinkers' actually prevent him from understanding. It is largely as a result of his almost complete lack of action, that I find myself in the position that I've been in for too long.

Now back to the first two paragraphs. This week I shall have to try and tell two different people that I don't know, on two separate occasions, how my autism impacts on my life. Well how the fuck do I know? I don't know what to say. I am so lucky that my support worker will be there to advocate on my behalf.

Today

The weather is cooler today and rather more overcast than it has been. I still feel like I need some sleep, so I'm off soon to see if I can get some. Later on I'll make something for dinner, and then I'm off out for a drink with friends this evening.
I'm sure it's all the things I have on my mind that are making me feel so tired and run-down. I'm not at all looking forward to the appointments, but I am reassured by the fact that my support worker is coming with me.

Since last night

I was very tired by the time I went to bed at half past nine. I lay there for quite some time trying to settle down when, later into the night the woman and children went berserk immediately overhead. They really are a pack of animals. I slept badly and was wide awake at ten past three this morning. Rather my body was wide awake, but my head felt very odd. I had fags and coffee, and toast afterwards at half past four. By a quarter past five I could feel myself flagging, so I took myself back to bed. I don't know whether I slept or not, as I was thinking constantly and lucidly.
Up at twenty to seven to fags minus the coffee. Then up to the library as usual. I do feel quite odd.

News

Once upon a time I knew two individuals. They were spiteful, vindictive liars. My trouble is that I've always tried to see the good in others, to the point that I would imagine goodness where there was in fact none. Well a little dickybird told me the news that the couple had parted company. I don't usually gloat over someone else's misfortune, but I'm going to indulge myself on this occasion. I feel totally justified in doing so, given what this pair have been to me. It's quite uncanny how people's lies are sure to find them out.
I also heard some news about another couple. Not only did they believe the lies they had been told, but acted upon that false information. Well he has gone completely off the rails, and the pair of them have shown their true colours. I don't like saying 'I told you so'. It's smug. I am sick and tired when someone tells me that so-and-so is a nice person, when I know otherwise. Now I know I am not in a minority of one.

The weekend

My weekend's playing was really appalling. I played well, but there was so little interest that yesterday I packed up and left an hour and a quarter early.
I tried to watch Stage Fright yesterday evening, but the kid that sounds like a performing seal performed until gone nine o'clock. I didn't watch the film. I had to listen to the shouting instead. It wasn't the best weekend. The only nice part of it was a drink with my friends yesterday evening.

Today

I'm playing today, so I'll make my way to the old building very shortly. I don't feel up to wearing period costume today. Getting it on is alright, but getting it off afterwards is quite an ordeal. The weather look like it's going to be nice this afternoon. I hope it won't be too nice though, or people will go to the beach instead of coming to see us.

Since last night

I only woke up once during the night, but slept through to nearly eight this morning. I've been coughing a lot since I woke up, but it seems to be quietening down now. I still feel run down. I'm sure it's the stuff next week that is doing it. And of course yesterday's letter probably hasn't helped.
After the fags and coffee it was straight up to the library, although rather later than usual. It's a beautiful, warm morning.

Yesterday

When I got home I found an annoying letter that was obviously a mistake. I've sent it to my support worker to look at after the weekend.
I was on tenterhooks all evening. The beginning of the evening was noisy, but most of it was quiet because they went out. Madam banged and crashed after she got home at ten.
I enjoyed dinner. It was something different; a chicken casserole thing with chips. Cheese and apple for afters. I watched some more episodes of Coast and turned in at eleven.

Now

I did about three hours of practice, and broke the back of two new Scarlatti sonatas. I also worked a few Handel movements to death. The hands and brain feel just a little bit tired now. I think I'll make my way home soon. I'm not looking forward to it, but I'm staying put out of sheer bloody-mindedness. I mustn't forget that I live there. I haven't made my mind up yet about what I'm having for dinner. I'll have a look in the freezer when I get back.

Today

The weather is beautiful this morning, and comfortably warm. I'm going to the old building shortly, as i want to do some practice. When I got to the library earlier my support worker came over and spoke to me about the current state of things. She really is brilliant. I shudder to think what my life would be like if she wasn't helping me.

How am I?

I'm still feeling very run down, and had a bad night coughing. I've got quite a bit on my mind just now. First of all there are the two medicals next week. Also I have taken the parish to the tribunal because of how they have treated me, so I'm waiting for a date for the hearing. Then there's an event at the historic building next Friday, and I'm working on a programme of piano pieces to play in the garden. And then there's my usual schedule of playing. It's very tiring.

Them upstairs

While I was cooking I got a call from the landlady of the flat upstairs. The bailiffs cannot come until 12th October. I don't know what is going on there, but it looks like I've got another three weeks of them. This is now the fourth time that I've been told they are moving out on a particular date, only to find they haven't moved at all. I don't really expect them to move in October either.
Yesterday evening was horrible until well after seven. The noise was like Jurassic Park. It is all very draining.

Yesterday

When I got home I got on with the cooking. It was spaghetti bolognese for a change, but it was quite edible. I spent the evening watching episodes of Coast, and turned in at about half past eleven.

Shortly

I've just had the message I've been waiting for, so I'm just about to go and do some practice. I'm playing a lot of Handel lately, so I think I'll give the Scarlatti an airing.

Just now

Social media is full of animal stories today. There's a luvverly film of some soppy idiot stroking a dog, which, needless to say I didn't watch. What a load of bollocks. Much more to my liking was a suggestion that all stray cats should be destroyed, because of the terrible harm they do to wildlife. This is eminently sensible, but I'd go one step further. I'd have all dogs and cats put down, whether they are stray or not. The one exception would be those dogs that help blind and disabled people. Just keep a few breeding pairs and put the rest to sleep. The English may be a nation of dog-lovers, but I'm not. Dogs are a cunt, and so are cats when I think about it.

In the meanwhile

I went home but couldn't settle down, so I had a cup of tea. Upstairs was all peace and quiet, which has put me on my guard. Tonight I fully expect a repeat of what happened last night. After tea I walked by the historic building, but there was no-one to be seen. I've sent the person a message to find out if they will be there later. So here I am back at the library. The weather is really lovely and warm this afternoon.

Now

I'm feeling pretty tired, so I think I'll go home and lie down for a bit. I don't know if I'll go and practice later. Let's see how I feel.

Today

The weather is beautiful. I expect we're in for a warm afternoon. Staff are expected at the historic building at some point, so I shall go in to do some practice. Apart from that I'm quite on edge, so don't suppose I'll be doing very much.

How am I?

When I got home yesterday, another letter was waiting for me. I've been called in for another medical. They have given me only a week's notice. The appointment is only two days after the one I'm already attending. I've emailed my support worker to make sure she can come with me.
I have been really run down this past week or so. The cold was one thing. Then there was the stress-related stomach followed by the consequent thrush. I feel very knocked-back, but I'm in fighting mood.
I've just had a call from the owner of the upstairs flat. Apparently everybody was in attendance except the bailiffs, who were expected but didn't turn up. The landlady is now on to the court to try and get an emergency booking. Poor woman.

Earlier on

I was awake by half past five, but didn't get up for an hour. While I was on the fags and coffee I heard the usual racket from upstairs. Do you know, I feel really angry about it. I know what she is up to. She is waiting to be physically evicted from the property. Then she can go to the council and demand that they house her. They have to house her because of the children. If the council knew what this woman and her evil children were like, they would tell her where to go. It makes my blood boil.

The late neighbours

At a quarter past nine, all hell broke loose upstairs. They were back. The bailiffs can't have paid them a visit, or the locks would have been changed. The kids ran around screaming for a good half-hour and then went quiet, There was banging and crashing for about an hour. It sounded like things being dismantled.
I have to be very careful with what I understand. I was told that the bailiffs were supposed to come yesterday. I saw Madam's things being moved out. It was my own fault for believing that, based on the evidence, she had actually moved out. I had heard noises earlier in the day, and had assumed that it was the owner's representatives cleaning the place up.
I thought I was going mad last night. I thought I must be hallucinating and imagining all the noise. I didn't know what to think.

Yesterday

I had lentils cooked with bacon and chorizo for dinner, followed by half a pound of dates for afters. Durig the evening I watched The Strange Love Of Martha Ivers, a brilliant film noir starring Barbara Stanwyck and Kirk Douglas. Bed at half past ten.

Since earlier

I'm going home in a moment; been coughing rather badly and feel quite out of sorts. Apart from that I want to make sure that the neighbours have gone, and that I haven't imagined it all.
I had a very poor day at the historic building. We had visitors alright, but of the po-faced and philistine type. The highlight of the day was a disabled dog in a pushchair. Hilarious!
The weather has continued very nice indeed; sunny, bright and warm (but not too warm).

Today

The weather is beautiful today, and I think we're in for a warm afternoon. I'm playing as usual today, so I'll have to get myself to the venue very shortly. I do feel quite poorly. I think I've got myself very run down with all that has been going on, and with all that I've had to put up with for such a long time. The most important thing for me now is to get myself feeling better.

An element of doubt

At some point during the evening everything went dead quiet. I spent the rest of the day wondering whether the animals had gone, or were they still there? Were they just pretending to be out or were they going to return later on? Every creak and bump put my nerves on edge. I sat there in a state of nervous apprehension.
I slept very badly. The cough is one thing, but I kept waking up with my mind whizzing round, wondering about the upstairs neighbours.
It was all quiet when I got up this morning, and there hasn't been a peep out of them since. I think I can now say with certainty that they have finally gone. I know it will take me some time to adjust to the peace, but I feel like I am on holiday. I've got my flat back at last.

Yesterday

When I got home Madam's removals were still in progress. It was all banging and clattering from upstairs, and I savoured every moment. The curry and chips went down a treat. I watched Diamond City and turned in at twenty past ten.

Since earlier

On the way back from the library I noticed staff at the historic building, so I went and did a bit of practice. Afterwards it was straight home to a nice cup of tea. I could hear movement in the flat upstairs, so I knew that Madam was still in residence. I had to get a few documents to the lady I saw this morning, so scanned them ready for transmission. I didn't want to wait around so thought I'd get myself to the library and email them over.
As I was on the way out of the building, the father of Madam and another person came walking toward me with a sack-barrow. The said father smiled at me, but I wish he hadn't. He looked like a Blue Meanie, only without the ears. And of course he wasn't blue.
Back at the library I've done what I need to, so I'll take myself home in a minute. I'm slumming it for dinner with leftover curry, bought chapattis (horrible, but I can't taste them because of the cold. Mine are much better.) and frozen crinkly chips. I'm looking forward to this evening, if it's going to be anything like yesterday.
I forgot to mention that when I got home yesterday afternoon and saw Madam's effects being trundled down the stairs, I rushed over to the stereo an played Handel's Water Music and Fireworks Music. That was exactly right for the occasion.
The weather was dark and horrible this morning, but it's gradually brightened up bit by bit as the day's gone on. We've had a sunny and warm afternoon.

In the meanwhile

I can't believe what a fantastic day I'm having! I've just got back to the library from my appointment. I've now got two people on my case. If they help me to achieve what they are helping me with, my life will be improved exponentially. I don't want to get too excited yet. In any case I suppose I'm more shocked than excited really.

Today

I got up at half past six, feeling very bunged-up and grotty. After the fags and coffee it was up to the library as usual. I really am over the moon today. She is finally going. I've got a busy few hours travelling to and from a lunchtime appointment. My life is pretty well stacked with appointments of various sorts.

Yesterday evening

I had a lovely evening. Unsurprisingly I ended up having curry for dinner, but I really did enjoy it. I was over the moon, so I went for a walk up to the foreign supermarket for a couple of pints of good cider. When I got back I put on Lady Godiva Rides Again. Although the people upstairs were being uncharacteristically quiet, I stopped the film when I heard noises outside. It was the voices of the kids' upstairs father, plus the strange bint that appears whenever he does. Her voice goes straight through me; high-pitched and unmodulating, rapid staccato with strangulated, nasal vowels. I enjoyed hearing these individuals for once. I sat listening to them for at least an hour, while he was doing all the graft and while she nagged him continuously. Lovely! It was much better than the film.
After these people had driven off, Madam spent well over an hour bellowing on the phone. That cheered me up too, rather the thought that she might be hacked off cheered me up. At 11pm I heard her scream out "Shouldn't you two be in bed?" The kids didn't go to bed though. They sat in the living room talking to the very same mother who had just complained about their being up so late.

Yesterday afternoon

When I got home, I saw a weasely little runt standing at the foot of the stairs, surrounded by black rubbish sacks. I have seen and heard the said runt on many occasions, and immediately knew what was happening. The black sacks contained Madam's belongings. We gave each other stony looks before I continued nonchalantly up the stairs. I was beaming by the time I reached the landing. No sooner had I got there than my next-door neighbour called me into her passageway. She told me that the people upstairs had been going up and down all day with her household possessions.
Our lift has been out of order for quite some time. That struck me as being very unusual, since we have a good residents' association, and they fix things very promptly. I found out why it hadn't been fixed. Madam had apparently upset the association. They had left the lift out of order so that Madam would have to carry everything down the stairs when she needed to move out. Ha!!!!! Serves her right.

Later on

When I got home earlier I took out a packet of mince to defrost. I don't yet know what I'm having for dinner, except that it'll be made of mince.
Later on, all things willing, I want to watch a Diana Dors film. She does very little acting, and hardly appears, in most of the films she 'stars' in, but I do rather enjoy them all the same. The one outstandingly good film she made was Yield To The Night. That film, together with an episode of a television horror series, persuade me that the woman could act.
I'll just have to wait and see what sort of evening I'll be allowed to have. But look on the bright side. After today I've only got one more day until the cunts move out.

In the meanwhile

I went and did my practice. I've now got six Handel suites in a fit state for performance. I wish I'd discovered Handel's keyboard music earlier. Learning them has been such an enjoyable experience.
I didn't stay long as I was starting to feel tired and sweaty, so I took myself home. Misery Tits was in residence and I could hear other adult voices, so she's probably packing (with a bit of luck). Then I went to the doctors and the foreign supermarket, followed by the library via the chemist. The weather has started to pick up on earlier. Now it's comfortably warm.

Today

In a short while I shall go to the historic building to do some practice. Afterwards I shall need to collect my prescription and get the tablets, because I ran out of them this morning. Apart from that I don't have anything planned. I want to be at home quite early so that I can keep an eye on the place.
While I think about it Madam had a wild night of passion on Saturday. The shrieks, screams and groans were both deafening and blood-curdling. Bitch. She can't even do that quietly.

In general

I had a lovely surprise yesterday afternoon, when my best friend took me out for a drink. Then it was home. I felt groggy all weekend from the cold, but day-times are usually not too bad. Mornings and nights are the worst.
I got up at six this morning, very bunged up and drowsy. While I was waking up I remembered that I had arranged to meet my friend tomorrow evening. Bearing in mind the recent activities of my upstairs neighbours, I realised that I would have to cancel on this occasion. I don't want them doing anything to my flat while I'm not there.
After the fags and coffee I walked up to get some tobacco, only to find that there was no money in my account. My heart sank. I went up to the library as usual, before the meeting with my support worker. She was straight on the phone for me and got it sorted out. It seems I was the victim of a clerical error, and I can expect payment some time today.

Evenings

I've had two horrible evenings with the people upstairs. It was loud, and just went on and on. Last night I think I heard those people vandalising their flat. I heard the little girl shout excitedly "I've broken the leg off", followed by shrieks of adult and juvenile laughter. I heard ripping noises, either of fabric or of strips of wallpaper, each noise followed by peals of merriment. I heard the man cheerfully showing pictures of Hitler to one of the children. They will be gone the day after tomorrow. I can't wait.

The weekend

I had a so-so sort of weekend at the historic building. The highlight for me was when I engaged with a young autistic man, who came to visit with his parents. The poor sod had issues with talking and was really locked-in, but I managed to get him talk just a bit. Had a nice natter with the parents too. I was completely gobsmacked when, after (at their request) I told them a bit about my life, they said my achievements were 'truly inspirational'. I'm sure my achievements aren't all that remarkable in the general scheme of things, but it was kind of the people to say so.

Today

I'm playing as normal today. I shan't be putting my period costume on though, as I'm going to feel too uncomfortable in it.
This morning I contacted two people I know. A while back they put on an exhibition of photographs, and I played for them. I've asked them if they want to do an exhibition at the historic building.

How am I?

Tired, sweaty, itchy eyes, itchy ears, stinging nose and throat. A cough. It's only a cold and will soon (I hope) pass, but colds do make one feel miserable.

Since last night

I woke up with a start at twenty past ten. There was a bunch of very drunken young women outside my window. They and their two admirers were making a hell of a racket. I eventually did get back to sleep, but kept on waking during the night. Up at about half past six this morning.
The quality of daylight this morning is horrible. The temperature is much more comfortable though. After the fags and coffee I went to get my glasses fixed at the opticians, and then it was on to the library.

An exact science

Earlier in the week, torrential rain was forecast for Wednesday. When Wednesday came round, the rain was predicted for Thursday instead. Lo and behold it did not come to pass on Thursday either. The rain finally started yesterday lunchtime. It has rained more or less continuously ever since, and has been very windy.
That's the trouble with the weather forecast. They usually get the weather right, but generally get the day wrong. I think it's about time for them to predict snow, as sooner or later we're bound to get some. These meteorologists would get equally accurate results by prognosticating from a pile of sheep's entrails.

Yesterday

Felt grotty all afternoon. While I was cooking I decided to wipe some grease off my glasses. I think I rubbed a bit hard, as the frame came apart at the side. There was I, going round on all fours looking for the lens. I found it eventually, put the thing back in place and held the frame together with my hand. Then I found the old pair; not ideal but more do-able.
After dinner I watched Derby Day. I was in the mood for a good old melodrama, and it went down a treat. Them upstairs were relatively quiet, apart from periodic outbursts of howling and wailing by the brat. After today I've only got three more days of the buggers! Bed at nine.

Today

I'm going to have a quiet day. I'll be going to the historic building to do some practice. This morning I had a brainwave about getting more visitors to come in. I'll speak to the manager later on. I'll go straight home afterwards and lie down. I won't get the prescription. I've got enough tablets to see me through to Monday, so I'll go after the weekend.
After today I've only got four more days of the people upstairs.

Yesterday afternoon

I didn't get round to collecting my prescription. I felt too washed-up, so stayed at home instead. I went to the museum meeting at teatime. I did start to lose my temper with all the shit that one or two people kept coming out with, but I behaved myself. That's that drear out of the way for another month.

In general

Haven't been feeling great the last few days. I've had quite a lot going on, and it all caught up with me in the usual way. First the belly, then a temperature & cough. Starting to settle down now, but still very tired and feverish.
I enjoyed the pasta with a sauce made from odds and sods for dinner. Then I watched The Ruling Class. I've had the film for many years, but never got round to watching it. I found it very strange rather than funny. I'm sure I'll watch it again at some point.
The people upstairs were pretty rotten for part of the evening, but they did (eventually) give me a break.
I woke up at just after four this morning. I spent a couple of hours trying to get back to sleep. It's equally possible that I did fall asleep but didn't realise it.
Up at six o'clock to the usual fags and coffee, this time with some toast afterwards. Then I dragged myself up to the library.

In the meanwhile

I went to my appointment. That was nothing special, and now it's out of the way. I walked home in the blistering heat for a bit of toast, and then straight back up to the library. We're expecting torrential rain this afternoon. We really need it, but I'm going to make sure I've got myself home before it starts.

Later on

I've got a few things on for today. I have an appointment very shortly, so will need to get myself moving. After getting my prescription this afternoon, I'm going straight on to a meeting of the museum committee, of which I am a member. That'll be a crashing bore.
The good news is that after today, I've only got another five days of the cunts upstairs!! It's starting to cheer me up now. Last week it seemed such a long way off.

Since yesterday evening

It was stiflingly hot all evening, and was still feeling uncomfortably warm when I went to bed. It took me a while to settle down. I didn't wear the brace when I went to bed, because of the heat. This morning my wrist is aching as a result.
I got up to another warm and stuffy morning and had the fags and coffee. I have been treated to screaming tantrums (from 6.50am) and a brat shouting out of the window (from 8.30am). Then it was up to the library as usual.

Yesterday

I had a really good fry-up and braced myself for the evening. The brat upstairs started piping up at twenty past seven, but it only went on for about an hour. I watched Women of Twilight, the first film ever to be given an X-Certificate, and turned in at around ten.

Later on

Although it's still very hot, I'm going to have a very unsuitable dinner in the form of a fry-up. I really fancy one, and so I shall have one. I hope this evening will be nice and quiet, like yesterday. I also hope that I'm not hoping for too much. One more week to go!!!!!!!!!
I've been thinking about my forthcoming medical. It may not be as bad as I thought. I remembered that my support worker will be able to speak for me. She has seen me as I am, and can tell them much more accurately how my life is, than I can. It is marvellous to have someone who is on my side.

Since earlier

It has been sweltering hot all afternoon. It was hot enough in my costume to make me feel dizzy from time to time. Although we had fewer visitors than usual, I had a reasonable session at the historic building. I did my talk thing with some visitors from Cornwall, and they loved it. We had a couple of groups of schoolchildren too, and I had them dancing, clapping and playing the tambourine. The kids enjoyed it too, and a number of them said 'thank you' as they left, which was nice. Afterwards it was straight back to the library for the usual.

This morning

After the regulation fags and coffee I made my way to the library. I had to email my support worker with some urgency; I've been called to a medical in a couple of weeks and needed to make sure she will be available. She has already replied to say she is coming, which is a relief. I'm not looking forward to it one bit. Those people are cunts, and entirely in the government's pocket. In spite of what we are told, their duty is to enforce government policy. I'm already starting to get the hump about it.
Meanwhile after a hot evening and a very warm night, the heat has already started to build up. I'm going to melt away later on, when I put on my period costume.

Yesterday

I couldn't be bothered to cook, so I made a curry. It was singularly unpleasant and I left half of it. Afterwards I put on a dvd but ignored it. I was waiting for them upstairs to start, but they didn't. Very strange indeed. Bed at half past nine.

Soon

I've only got another week of the cunts upstairs! I'm counting every minute, and it is such a relief to know the date is drawing nearer. I'm not going to spend any appreciable amount of time away from home until they are gone. The woman is feral, and if she decides to go of her own volition before the bailiffs come for her, there is every possibility she might do something nasty like leaving her taps on, and flooding my place out. Nevertheless I am so looking forward to her departure.

Later on

When I've finished with the computer, I'm going to take myself to the foreign supermarket. Let's see what miracles I can perform for dinner tonight. I'm hoping to have a quiet night in. The afternoon has turned quite hot and very sunny, so it appears the weather forecast was right for once. It is so unusual for the forecast to get both the weather right, and the day on which is to occur right.

Since earlier

When I got to the historic building I saw that staff had turned up, so I was able to get in. I worked on two of the Handel suites, ans re-visited Louis Marchand's Premier Livre (de pieces de clavecin). I had a cuppa and a chat, and then made my way to the meeting. The venue was too crowded, so we took ourselves to a local caff. Things are really starting to move now, and the business was over and done with in next to no time, so we had a bit of a chat and a laugh before parting company. Then it was back to the library.

Just now

I wandered up to the butchers, and had one of their strange but nice French bread pizzas. Afterwards I went for a quick nosey round the charity shops, and then made my way straight back to the library. My brain is going like the clappers. There's quite a lot for me to think about. I have an appointment with my support worker at lunchtime. Before that I'll wander by the historic building, and do some practice if I can get in. If not I'll take myself home and shut my eyes for a bit.

Since last night

I slept very badly again, and woke up feeling tired and odd at twenty past five this morning. It took me until seven to get out of bed. Coffee and fags as usual, then up to the library. I'll go and find myself something for breakfast in a minute.
We are apparently expecting a hot day today. Well so far it has been grey and overcast, but now it is starting to brighten up.

Yesterday

Dinner was ok and I finished it all. I could hear the usual stuff sometimes, and spent the entire evening waiting for it to start up. In the end it didn't. I watched Charles Laughton in St Martin's Lane, and went to bed at half past ten.

Dulcet tones

While I was having my tea I could hear the usual screeching, screaming and shouting upstairs. Their windows were closed, so it didn't sound too loud. By the way I was referring to the annoying bint, and not the kid. The kid joined in shortly afterwards. I have the ominous feeling that I am in for an interesting evening. Never mind. Not long to go now!

Since last time

I had a last-minute meeting with the parish, which had been prompted by my support worker. I am to receive further alms in the morning, and some more useful things at the weekend. After that I wandered up to the foreign supermarket, where nice things can be had for next to nothing.
When I got home I had a nice cup of Darjeeling and a few treats; Battenburg cake, lemon curd tart and a frangipane. I am glad I come from the economic background that I do. I am well-used to shopping around, and always buy things where the price is most reasonable. That is how I manage to have nice things. Do you know I can get more out of a pound of mince than Jesus got out of the fish and bread. At least I'm not reduced to eating fish sandwiches, which is just as well. I simply cannot abide the smell and the texture of fish. The very thought of it is making me heave, but I suppose I ought to try and be a bit more magnanimous about it. After all Jesus didn't have the foreign supermarket to fall back on. That is where I have the advantage. But I don't suppose that mince would make such a good story.

Social media

I'm getting sick and tired of people posting indignant articles about animal welfare. Yes the maltreatment of animals is disgraceful, but I am much more concerned with society's treatment of the vulnerable. The writers don't say a word about that, so stuff their animals. It's about time these people got their priorities right.

Stunned

My support worker is quite a gal! Instead of my having the door slammed firmly shut on me at every turn, the parish are now rushing up to offer me assistance. She certainly does get things done, and she's the biggest help with day-to-day things that I've ever had. And she makes sure that she sees things through. I really am very lucky.

Later on

I shall take myself home shortly for the sleep I still need. I'll probably have a cup of tea and muffins later, and a simple spaghetti for dinner tonight. I don't expect anyone to be at the historic building today, so there won't be any practice. That's quite a relief. Yesterday afternoon I had a bit of a headache from all the playing, and from hearing so much of the sound of my own voice. And this evening? Who knows? It all depends on them who are to be evicted next week.

In the meanwhile

I went to the council offices and got my bit of business with them started. These people don't exactly work at the speed of light, so let's see what happens. Next point of call was the loo and, surprise, surprise, it was out of order again. So I legged it to the ones up the road, and both cubicles were occupied by people of both sexes, who sounded like they were trying to inject themselves. No way, so I went to the butchers for a snack instead. Then it was a fairly hast sprint in the other direction where I went in peace, as it were. It's starting to feel rather hot outside.

This morning

The weekend's fine weather has continued this morning, and it's already very warm. I didn't eat much yesterday. I didn't fancy it, what with the noise. In a moment I'll go and get something for breakfast. I need to go and see the council, but I don't have any plans apart from that. I shall take myself home for a rest. I feel like I want to sleep, so I'll try when I get home.

Sleep

I've had a couple of bumpy nights. I've had a lot going through my mind, what with all the excitement of my musical activities, the misery of my neighbours, my satisfaction with knowing the date on which they will be evicted, and several bits of unfinished business. No wonder I'm finding it hard to settle down. Apart from that the local gnat/midge/mosquito population have been feasting off me of a night.

Light relaxation

The people upstairs were their usual, annoying selves. There was none of the deafening stuff, but they were still loud enough to be intrusive.
On Saturday evening the older brat was upstairs with his equally revolting friends. I didn't hear anyone else, so I suppose they must have gone out. They were playing computer games. The only 'conversation' that took place was a succession if intermittent shouts, screams and giggles, and the occasional monosyllabic outburst from time to time. That kid is so all-over-the-place that it can't even speak coherently. From my flat it sounds rather like the noises that are made by a performing seal. That went on until about nine o'clock or so.
Then yesterday afternoon and evening were blighted by the antics of Little Miss Anthrax. It shouts. It screams. It shouts and screams out of the window. It throws tantrums. I detest that kid.
The children's behaviour is not their fault. They are only behaving as they have been brought up to behave. Both the mother and junk food have a lot to answer for.

Over the weekend

I had a phenomenally busy weekend, doing my talks back-to-back on both Saturday and Sunday. And I wasn't just talking to two or three people. The seats were all taken, and people were standing in the room and in the corridor outside. I got some of the children playing the tambourine, and some of the old 'uns were up for it too. I had some very favourable mentions in the visitors' book, and one person contacted us online to say how much he'd enjoyed my talk. And a video of one of my little tambourine players giving a solo with harpsichord accompaniment has been circulated online. Apart from that it was rather quiet. I've felt very tired all weekend and still do, but it's a very satisfying sort of tiredness.

Can't help noticing...

On social media I keep seeing articles about why we should not be prejudiced against a certain middle-eastern religion. The writers seem to overlook the fact that this particular religion kills those who do not conform with it. It kills minorities, those who do not believe, homosexuals and the mentally ill. It inflicts corporal punishment on rape victims. It executes people including children on a large scale. It does not recognise the concept of human rights, nor does it recognise civil rights.
In the 1930s in this country, some prominent individuals waxed lyrical about nazi Germany. They said that regime was our friend. They ignored the terrible suffering that was inflicted upon those who didn't conform with it. That regime executed the very same types of people who are today being executed in the middle east.
The present-day writers would be outraged if this similarity were to be pointed out to them, and by any suggestion that the religion and the political system have so very much in common. Why can't these writers open their eyes and be a little bit more honest? It really does make me want to vomit.

Today

I got up at half past six this morning feeling groggy, but not so unwell as I did yesterday. It was the usual fags and coffee, then straight up to the library. I'm playing later on as usual, so I'll make my way there in a moment. I hope I'm not too tired to do the talk thing. It does go down well, but I don't really feel like talking. Let's hope I have a good day though.

Yesterday evening

I had a rotten evening. From late afternoon onwards I could hear the cunts upstairs getting louder and louder. Their windows were closed, so it didn't bother me too much. It was just very annoying. I put the dvd on at half past six. Five minutes later they decided to open their windows. I stopped the film. They had visitors, and the adults seemed to be inciting the children to make as much noise as they could. It was really horrible until nine o'clock, when it suddenly went very quiet. I found it a little bit easier to cope with, now that I know the date they are to be evicted. I originally thought the children were on drugs, but I've changed my mind. I've come to the conclusion that they never eat fresh food. They live on ready-made junk food, so are always spaced out from the cocktail of sugar, salt and chemicals. I think that because the woman never spends any time cooking. She's never away from her front room long enough to cook a meal. Cunts. Can't wait for 'em to go.

Yesterday

I wasn't myself yesterday. After I'd done my bit of practice I went home to lie down. I was in bed for an hour and a half, but don't know whether I slept or not. I spent the rest of the day lying on the sofa, and feeling very odd. I got up to cook a dreaded curry for dinner, and ate it all. I finished the day with some more Jeeves & Wooster, before turning in at half past ten.

A bit of levity?

Today social media is plugging something called The Walking Dead. I've never seen it and wouldn't watch it. The title is an accurate description of the sort of people I encounter at the library and in the supermarket.

Today

I'm feeling very tired today. Last night I had another one of those subcutaneous bleeds, this time in the index finger of my left hand. It's always my left hand, and I always feel tired afterwards. And of course I didn't sleep well. I shall be wandering down to the historic building shortly. I want to do some practice, and I know staff will be there. I'm already planning a curry for dinner. It's nice and easy and I shan't have to think about it. I'll try and sleep this afternoon, if I can.

Since last night

During the course of the evening, I polished off another pound of dates. My belly felt swollen, tight and tender by the time I went to bed. I slept very uncomfortably with it, and was awake at about half past five.
I had the usual start to the day, and it all went very slowly. Then it was up to the library as usual. The weather started off cool and breezy, but I can see that it is trying to brighten up. I reckon we're in for another hot day.

Yesterday

I had a nice, quiet evening. I had the usual screaming and stampeding around, but it didn't go on for long. Anyway their windows were shut, so it wasn't all that loud. Later on someone came round to show her how it works. She can't even do that quietly. Horrible, it was. Blood-curdling. What else can you expect from someone who is completely feral?
During the evening I enjoyed a few episodes of Stephen Fry's Jeeves & Wooster. Very clever and very funny. Bed at ten.

Later on

I shall be off home soon, hopefully for the last time today. I keep coming back to the library, mainly to keep an eye on developments concerning the historic building. I shall need to go to the supermarket on the way back. I'm having a simple, Spanish-style meal, with an odd mixture of hot and cold food. Then I hope, circumstances permitting, to be able to settle down to some dvds.
I feel quite bored now, but it's not too bad at all. At least the boredom isn't intermixed with such things as anger, feelings of worthlessness and miscellaneous and divers negativity.

Since earlier

I went home and had a large tea of crumpets, a muffin and battenberg cake. I really am getting more and more English by the minute. I sat and enjoyed the peace and quiet for a bit, but soon got bored. I took myself for a stroll in the sweltering heat, and had a look in another charity shop. I realise now that my mood has improved markedly. I've started to do things that I enjoy, rather than only those things which are necessary. Now I'm back at the library, for a change.

Social media, again

Some bright spark appears to think I'm interested in Mary, out of the bible. I don't know how they came to believe that. I'm an atheist for a start. And I don't read fiction of any description either. Someone in the ether must be having a laugh, or if not, they are taking the piss.

More autism stuff

I was deep in thought with the fags and coffee this morning. I started thinking about people. I felt truly pleased that I don't socialise anymore. I'm rather relishing the solitude of my front room. There's me, the outside world and the balcony. I like to look out of my window to see what is happening around me, but my balcony makes an effective barrier between me and other people. I relish the peace, and am truly thankful that I'm not surrounded by toxic people anymore. The occasional loneliness is but a small price to pay for all this peace. And it will be real peace once the people upstairs have vacated the building. I think I have a lot to look forward to. I also feel that my life is finally on the way up.

Shortly

I think I'm about to take myself home for a bit. I'll have my tea a bit earlier than usual. There's nobody at the historic building today, so I won't be doing any practice there. I might well have a go at some Beethoven at home instead. In short it looks like I'm in for a rather uneventful sort of day, but that is exactly what I want.

In the meanwhile

I needed a breath of air, so hopped on a bus to a different part of town. I felt like noseying round the charity shops, but nothing doing. Afterwards I went down the road for some fresh curry leaves. I'm very relieved he had them this time. I was beginning to think he'd stopped selling them. After getting another packet of cheap tobacco it was straight back to the library. It ain't half hot out today!

This morning

The weather has been beautiful since I got up at seven this morning, bright and very warm indeed. I think this afternoon will be a hot 'un. Coffee and fags were slow, but I particularly enjoyed the coffee. Then it was up to the library, where I saw that the local paper have published the story of the vandalism at the historic building. They have used my photographs and quoted from the email I sent them to report the incident. I feel like I have done my good deed for the day.

Social media

The things I have seen today are starting to give me the hump. There are videos of how to make the most revolting-looking food. There are videos of people being kind to animals. There are videos of animals whose behaviour is described in terms of human behaviour. There are horrible, smutty jokes that aren't even funny, except to perhaps the average five-year-old. I don't understand why people fill their heads with such rubbish.

Autism stuff

Yesterday I was over the moon, about knowing the date that the upstairs' savages are to be evicted. It has been playing on my mind ever since, going round all day and all night. The thoughts woke me up quite a few times during the night, and I am consequently very tired this morning. I've often said that all this over-thinking with good thoughts is just as debilitating as when the thoughts are bad ones. This is exactly what I mean.
As it goes the neighbours were exceptionally quiet yesterday evening. I couldn't really settle down though. I was on tenterhooks waiting for the noise to start up.
When I have experienced the levels of noise that I have, and at the late hours I have, I've had to be mindful of the fact that I am more than usually sensitive to noise. There was always the possibility that my reaction was extreme, due to my own reactions to noise. The neighbours' behaviour really has been quite outrageous. Now that other people have witnessed what I have been going through, I am now satisfied that my experiences are exactly as I have described them. I don't know how I have managed to cope. There have been times where I felt I was on the point of going completely mad. Now I know my ordeal is nearly over.

Yesterday

On the way home I went to the supermarket for a tin of tomatoes. I did better than that. I got two pounds of posh tomatoes that were being sold off ridiculously cheap. When I got home I made a quantity of tomato sauce with the glut of tomatoes. I dined very well. I had serrano ham, chorizo, feta, olives and tomatoes for a starter. Then it was pasta with some of the sauce I'd cooked. Then it was a pound of dates for afters, to help the guts. I watched one of my favourite comedies, The Green Man, and went to bed at nine.

In general

I have been over the moon all day, in the knowledge that the people upstairs will only be there for a short while longer. Yay!!! I'm going to stay at home until the bailiffs turn up, so that I can have the pleasure of watching her and her bleedin horrible kids leave. I'm going to savour every minute of it! I know that my evenings won't be all sweetness and roses until she finally goes, but the end is now in sight. It isn't a flat that she ought to be living in. What she needs is a kennel in Battersea, and a nice bone to curl up with.

In the meanwhile

I had a busy time at the historic building. It was good, but very tiring. I gave the history talk and demonstration four or five times to groups of visitors. I did well for tips too, so I was straight up to the shops afterwards to get some groceries and some electricity. Afterwards it was home for a cup of Darjeeling, a toasted muffin and some battenburg cake. Then it was straight up to the library in the sweltering heat.

This morning

I am as happy as a pig in shit, and the weather is lovely. I'm looking forward to wandering off shortly, for my usual round of harpsichording.
By the way yesterday morning I had intended to go home for a nap. However as I turned the corner, I noticed that there were staff at the historic building. I went in for some practice instead, and broke the back of two more Handel suites. While I was there a lady turned up, who looked interested in the building. I gave her a guided tour (mostly history, but very little about the architecture. I don't care about architecture.) and the music talk and performance. She loved it and wrote some highly complimentary words in our visitors' book. She also tipped me very generously; so generously in fact that I was able to buy the sandwich toaster that I've been wanting for such a long time.

More good news

This morning I had another email from the local paper, concerning the recent vandalism at the historic building. The reporter has left voice messages for the interested parties, and wants to publish this week. That's quite a result. We want to attract the maximum publicity for this.

Yesterday

After a boring but edible dinner, I sat back and braced myself for the evening ahead. As it goes the people upstairs were much better than normal. All I had to put up with was a deafeningly loud telly until about eight o'clock. I was on tenterhooks with anticipation, so I put on one of the most annoying dvds known to man; an a performance of Noel Coward's play The Vortex. The main protagonists are Margaret Leighton and her lower set. Well I really do like Margaret Leighton. She was a marvellous actress. The play is awful though, and concerns a group of shallow people in the 1920s with servants, too much money, and living entirely for pleasure. The text is highly irritating, for example "We are all swirling round in a vortex of beastliness", and of course everything is 'divine'. Very vomit-making. Bed at nine.

The best news

This morning I heard back from the cunts upstairs' landlady. They are to be evicted in a fortnight!!!!! Knowing that,  I shall just ride it out. It won't be very nice, but it's doable now that the end is in sight. I'm going to have an eviction party (for one) when they finally go.

Now

The weather is overcast and muggy. I'm going to take myself home now, and see if I can get some sleep. I think I might feel a bit better for it.

Today

Fags and coffee were very slow this morning. Then it was on to the library. We have a volunteers' meeting this afternoon, about the council's plan for the building. Before long I think it'll be a case of kicking and screaming. Looks like we're in for a fight.
My brain has been going like the clappers all morning. But rather than the usual bombardment of lucid thoughts, this time if feels like a mixture of fog and sludge churning round. The eyes are very heavy and tired. I must try and pull myself together for the meeting.

Yesterday

My support worker came as planned, and the get-together went really well. Rather it went really well until just before four, when the people upstairs got home. The noise was really outrageous, and was so loud that we needed to leave the flat, and finish our meeting in a local caff. I have contacted her landlady this morning to find out what stage the legal proceedings are at. I am completely determined that those people are not going to drive me out of my flat, so I'm taking many deep breaths and staying put.
Dinner was consequently very late, and I couldn't get my head around cooking any earlier. Thoroughly exhausted this morning.

Today

I took my time with the fags and coffee, and then took myself straight to the library. I emailed the local paper, now that I have the information it took me three days to get. Dealt with the social media stuff and had a general nosey around. My support worker is visiting me this afternoon, to complete the paperwork we started last Friday. Apart from that I don't have anything else planned.

The weekend

I had a very busy weekend at the historic building, but left with very little to show for it. It was enjoyable though.
Saturday night was completely trashed by my upstairs neighbours. The kids were still wild at a quarter past eleven ant night. It suddenly went quiet about half an hour later. Yesterday afternoon was noisy, but it was quiet after about seven. It has all left me feeling tired and on edge.

This morning

The day started off on the cool side, but it has started to get a bit warmer and brighter. It'll soon be time for me to take myself to the historic building. I want to do some practice before we open. Also putting on my new 'uniform' requires the skills of a contortionist, and is quite time-consuming. It's great fun to wear though, and looks the part.

In general

After a memorably long and trying day with the noise from upstairs, I got up this morning feeling thoroughly exhausted. I was right about there being another kid up there. I heard his name being bellowed out at just before ten last night. He's older than the other too, and sounds like he smokes pot. He ought to be in borstal, if he hasn't  been there already. I'm sure his life is set on a downward spiral of antisocial behaviour and crime.
Yesterday I came to realise that I don't just dislike my neighbours. I fucking well hate them. I've never in my life said that about anyone and meant it, but this time I do. When I was a young man, I used to say that I hated my dad. I didn't really hate him. I used the word 'hate' to deal with how I was feeling. The feeling I described as 'hate' then, was a mixture of grief, anger, fear and incomprehension. That's not the same as what I feel now. I know that the neighbours won't be there for much longer. I can't wait for the horrible bastards to go.

Earlier

I went home and had my now customary cup of Darjeeling with crumpets and lemon curd tarts. Then the little gits upstairs kicked up, so that was that. I regret to say that they still haven't fallen out of the window.
Needless to say I couldn't possibly stay at home, so I went and did a bit more practice. Then it was back to the library. Ain't I interesting.

Now

I'm getting to the point where I'm tired of the library too, so I'll take myself home shortly. The day has got cooler and cooler and much more overcast. I shouldn't be at all surprised if it rains soon. The rest of today will be taken up with nothing in particular, and a bit of dinner somewhere along the way. I hope I get another evening like the one I had yesterday.

In the meanwhile

I went to the old building and worked hard on the newest Handel suite. The allemande is starting to sound lovely, the allegro and sarabande are falling into shape, and I've started work on the menuet and variations. I went out for a fag and noticed two very disappointed-looking women looking at our front door. Well that just won't do. I gave them a guided tour and the talk on music-making and they loved it. They left a generous donation in the box on the reception desk too, and wrote nice comments in the visitors- book. Having had enough of playing, I brought myself back to the library.

Later on

When I finish at the library I have to go to an organisation up the road to make an appointment. They are going to help me with some stuff. Then I'm off to the historic building for some practice, and to rip some people's ears off. Apart from that I've got a quiet day.

This morning

Fags and coffee first thing as usual. It's a bit cooler and cloudier today, and very comfortable. When I got to the library I found another email from the local press, urging someone to get in contact with them, as they had already contacted the police. Typically the message that I sent yesterday to three people at the house hadn't even been read. I really don't know why I bother. That's the story of my life. I try really hard, and then other people let me down. I have come to realise over the years that there are very few people who can be trusted.

Yesterday

I had a simple meal that I didn't particularly enjoy, then sat back and waited. At twenty to eight the usual noise started, but it didn't go on for very long. That shocked me. I didn't know what to do. I left it a bit and it was still quiet, so I put on the version of An Ideal Husband with Michael Wilding and Glynis Johns. At shortly after ten I heard the sound of crockery being moved around. Either she was tidying up or, hopefully, she was packing it away, ready to move. Bed at some time after ten.

Now

Despite the earplugs being rammed in as hard as I can manage, the noise has become more than I can cope with. So it's time I went. It'll be an easy dinner tonight, followed by more of the usual, I suppose.

In the meanwhile

The bit of housework took next to no time to finish. Afterwards it was the nice cup of Darjeeling with crumpets and lemon curd tarts. Then my support worker came, and we completed the first half of the matter in hand. We'll complete it early next week.
When I got to the library I got a message from a reporter on the local paper. They are going to run our story. I've told the House's manager, and asked him to sort out the interview. The library is very noisy with children. Meanwhile the weather continues fine and sunny.

Later on

I'lkl need to go home soon and do the bit of housework. My support worker is coming round early this afternoon. I don't know whether I'll be back at the library this afternoon. I'll see how it goes. The weather is lovely today, and warmer than yesterday.

This morning

I was up at a quarter past seven. The fags and coffee were nice to start with, until the music and the children started up just after eight o'clock. Then it was up to the library. Yesterday I contacted the local paper about the recent vandalism. They are interested, and I emailed them my photos and the particulars this morning.

Last night

Dinner wasn't too bad, and I ate the lot. I started watching Cast A Dark Shadow, but stopped it at eight o'clock for the usual reasons. The kids screamed and shouted until half past ten. I think mother must have been out again. I watched the rest of the film and went to bed. I am trying to look on the bright side, knowing that each new day is one day closer to those people moving out.

Later on

It has turned very warm this afternoon, leaving me with very little energy. I do like the weather though. I had intended to do a bit of housework, but I can't see me doing it. I'll have to do it tomorrow, as my support worker is coming round early tomorrow afternoon. It shouldn't take too long. The flat is in pretty descent shape. Dinner will be nice and simple. I don't know whether I'll read something or watch something this evening. I may do both, or I may do neither.
On a different note I've just seen a photo of some very brightly-coloured iced fairy cakes. They looked hideous. Bright colours like that really put me off my food.
And while I remember too, I played for a wedding reception last Friday. The couple had been living as man and wife for fourteen years. Well two days after the wedding, she walked out on him. I don't know what's going on there.

In the meanwhile

After a mediocre sort of afternoon I took myself home. Having decided on curry for dinner, I realised I had no ginger so I'd need to go out. I had a cup of tea accompanied by the noise of the children upstairs. That decided me to go back to the library for a bit. Now there's a baby screaming its head off, so I'll have to leave here too.

In general

I had a simple meal and a quiet evening, doing nothing in particular. It wasn't exactly quiet. The fucking noisy kids upstairs and their fucking noisy computer games saw to that. I hadn't taken my night-time tablet for a couple of weeks, as I didn't want to  become dependent on it. I took one at half past eight last night though, and ity knocked me out until nearly eight this morning. I don't feel like writing now. I'll go to do a bit of practice before we open. I might be back at the library later on.

In the meanwhile

I was on my way home, and sauntered by the historic building. I was surprised to see staff there, and stayed to do some practice. When I went outside for a fag, I noticed a woman and a boy looking very disappointed that we were closed. It turned out that they were just down for the day, so I let them in and showed them around. I told the people I didn't know much about architecture, but could talk to them about how people lived. They were very interested in what I said, and the boy asked lots of questions. Afterwards I got him playing the tambourine to an old dance. It was very enjoyable for me too, and I did well out of it besides.
After a nice cup of coffee and a couple of fags in the garden, I made my way back to the library. I can't see me doing any housework when I get home.

Later on

All my recent playing has begun to catch up with me. I'm fairly tired, so I'll have an easy day at home, perhaps doing just a bit of housework. I can't think about dinner yet. I'll make that decision once I've woken up a bit.
I'm still seething over the incident of vandalism at the weekend. The names of the individuals haven't been published, because they are a father and son, and the son is underage. We know their names though. I don't want to jeopardise any future legal proceedings by publishing their names, but will plaster them all over social media as soon as I can.

This morning

I woke up thinking about yesterday evening. You see I went for a drink with my best friend, whose birthday is today. That made a lovely change, although the artist whose exhibition I was meant to play for came strolling in. Never mind. I've had a great deal more to worry about than that.

I felt very slow this morning, so after the fags and coffee I treated myself to a simple fried breakfast. Then it was off to the library.

Other stuff

The weather was nice all weekend. It stayed humid, but was not so uncomfortably hot as it has been. I ate well over the weekend. Yesterday was curry again, but only because I felt like having something ordinary.
The people upstairs have been horrible all weekend. Two boys (either she's got one more than I knew about, or she's borrowed or acquired one, or she's got one staying with her) have been playing computer games very loudly at night. The earliest they stop is at about ten o'clock. On Saturday night they played until a quarter to eleven. I'm still waiting for them to fall out of the window. I wish I could pray for it, but I can't. I'm an atheist.

The interesting stuff

I had a fantastic weekend at the historic building. We had lots of visitors, and I played to an audience for most of the time I was there. There was also plenty of little workshop things, and getting the kids involved. I did so well that I managed to stock up my freezer, and get a few weeks' worth of electricity.
I watched some more good films over the weekend; The Slasher, Women of Twilight, and Good Time Girl. The British certainly knew how to make a Film Noir. Whether or not we still do is a matter for conjecture.

In the meanwhile

The historic building's garden had been vandalised overnight. Luckily one of our neighbours caught them in the act and gave a good description when he called the police. The idiots are now guests of the police force. They did try to break into the building too, but weren't successful. We had to talk to the police before we were able to open the building to visitors, somewhat later than usual. But we did open.

In general

I have a busy weekend on the musical front, harpsichording for three afternoons in a row. I hope that we will have plenty of my sort of visitors. I'll need to go to the supermarket later on, but don't have anything else planned. I'll just play it by ear.

This morning

Up at twenty to seven this morning. It's a bit cooler and breezier today, although still very humid. Coffee and fags first thing as usual, and deep in thought. I've been thinking about my week. I'm staying up much later now than I have been, and have realised why. I don't have to go to bed just to shut myself off anymore. I can do that in my front room. I'm really relishing every moment of my regained solitude. Of course the anxiety and depression are still very close top the surface, but they are in a different place now, and not all around me as they have been.

Yesterday

I went to the historic building to run through the piano stuff for the last time, and to do a bit of work on the Handel. I didn't want to rush, so I bussed it to the venue the long way round. The wedding do went very well. The Chopin was clumsy in places, but I managed to pull it off.
The weather was still very sultry, and I was tired and hungry when I arrived home, but had no appetite. Dinner was what I could assemble quickly and with the minimum of effort. Thoroughly un-enjoyable too. I could do no more than pick at it.
The people upstairs were shocking bad. The little girl was shouting out of the window at half past nine. Two other kids were still noisily playing computer games at nearly eleven. What is the fucking matter with people? The woman seems to have the parenting skills of a slug. I watched Alfred Hitchcock's film Number Seventeen, but that took a great deal of effort on my part. It was a case of stop, start all evening, with a lot more stop than start. Bed some time after eleven.