The rest of today

The weather has been gorgeous today, and it feels the warmest day we've had so far this year. Later on it'll be the remains of yesterday's curry with some chick peas that I'll cook later. Then it'll be more of the usual films, books, music or nothing.

In the meanwhile

It's been an odd sort of day. The playing went very well. What made it odd was that the Sunday character came in while the manager was over the road, to say he'd be in on Monday. I felt immediately very upset and angry, so went outside to cool off. When I saw the manager I told him what had happened, and that I wouldn't be in on Monday either. I felt quite miserable about it. Shortly afterwards the manager told me that he'd phoned the person to say he wouldn't be needed. That did cheer me up. I will be playing on Monday after all.

The weekend

I'm playing this afternoon and tomorrow night. I still feel very disappointed and sad that I'm not playing tomorrow lunchtime. One of the other volunteers has said that they will try and do something about it for me. Oh, I nearly forgot that Monday is a bank holiday. Then I'm playing Monday lunchtime too.

Since last night

I didn't sleep as well as I have been, which goes to show that the new tablets are helping. I woke up feeling as if I'd drunk a whole gallon of cider. A couple of mugs of strong coffee, a handful of fags and a fried breakfast soon put that right.
The weather is beautiful this morning, bright and sunny with a blue sky. I enjoyed my walk up to the library. I've decided that from now on I'm going to have a pint of cider once a week.

Last night

The curry was OK. Afterwards I listened to Haydn's 'Military' symphony while playing cards on the computer. Then it was Carry On Screaming. I had a glass of cider and didn't take my night-time tablet. Bed at nine.

As it is

I'd be a millionaire if I was given a quid for every time someone said this to me. The caption explains my dilemma.

A regular occurrence

Yep. Time and time again.

Still at it

I've not heard a peep out of the despicable hypocrite who sits on the board of a mental health disability charity. I've still not heard a peep out of that charity's spokesman. So earlier on I posted another message on the charity's social media page, so that other readers may judge for themselves the cosiness of the relationship, and may know that the charity's officers are unaccountable. I also urged the readers of my own social media page not to support that charity.
In the meanwhile I have read that there is apparently a plague of slugs that never sleep. I did not need to be told that. They are already governing the country.

In the meanwhile

I went to the historic building, but should have checked yesterday that someone would be there. The place was deserted, so I set about watering some of the new plantings. Afterwards I went home to do the washing-up, but suddenly felt very drowsy. I went to bed and shut my eyes, and think that I did fall asleep. I wasn't sure if I was asleep or not. I felt like I was conscious, but also felt as if my world was playing out in front of me. When I got up, still bored, I still felt drowsy, so it was one fag then back to the library.

The rest of today

I'm packing up in a minute. First point of call is the supermarket, and then it's on to the historic building. Later on it's curry (again) for dinner, and then back to the films, books, music or nothing. Let's see how I feel.

Just now

I've finished my little foray by bus and am now back at the library. Guess what? I did manage to buy a couple of springs! Whether or not they fit remains to be seen. I'll find that out shortly when I go to the historic building. While I was out I looked at the plants for sale, but I didn't fancy anything. Also while I was out I had a very indifferent sausage roll from the bakers, and a very good pastry for afters. I think I might bus it there more often, just for another one of those pastries. I wish they sold them here.

This lunchtime

When I get back I want to take myself to the historic building to run through the Dandrieu 'Concert des Muses'. I want to give it an airing tomorrow. While I'm there I shall, of course, have a coffee and a fag in the garden.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rdh4rmDb1o

Soon

I shall be taking the bus to a town about five miles away. There is a hardware shop that also has plants for sale out the back. I'm going to try and find a small spring. Yes, that's right. A spring. The electric keyboard has a detachable pedal, and the pedal is hinged and has a spring to depress the thing. I don't know how but the spring has dropped out somewhere. I want to sort it out for Sunday. I can still make do without as my legato playing is good, but the pedal will make things easier. While I'm there I'll have a quick look at the plants.

This morning

There's a child downstairs who has been shouting, moaning and grizzling for the past ten minutes. Still, I must try to concentrate.
I still feel odd with the new tablets, but not as horrible as when I first started them. My mornings start very numbly. I took my time with the fags and coffee, and noticed that my first pea had sprouted. I'm imagining a good crop from the allotment later in the year. The weather started off a bit cold and gloomy, but it is continuing to improve, with a bit of sunshine now starting to break through.

Sleep

I had a good one last night, waking up once and only momentarily. Up at half past seven.

The rest of yesterday

After I finished playing I went home, flopped down into the armchair and had a fag or two. Then it was out of the glad rags, dinner and then out again from our AGM. BORING. Home about nine to listen to some of Purcell's harpsichord music, and bed at ten.

Yesterday afternoon

The visit went extremely well. In the end I did put my feelings to one side and did the talk on music-making inthe Early Modern Period. Our current Mayor is a blackshirt, and the rest of the party didn't seem to be taking much notice of him. I got a couple of dignitaries dancing round, so I'd done my job properly. After the dancing had finished I invited those present to bow or curtsey to the most important person in the room. Everyone faced me and did 'The Honour', to which the Mayor protested. !!!!!

Now

The weather is beautiful today, and warmer than yesterday. Now it's time to get moving. I'll grab a quick snack round the corner, get myself togged up and take myself to the historic building. I'm not even remotely worried about playing. I couldn't have said the same thing six months ago. Then I would have been terrorised by the very thought of it.

I nearly forgot

I got bored while I was cooking, so took myself for a walk up to the foreign supermarket. While I was queuing up to pay, I spotted an enormously rotund woman with a trolleyful of junk food, and an even vaster man. Both were wearing tightly-fitting tops and tracksuit bottoms. They were like two polythene bags stuffed full of cold porridge, and waiting to burst. I remembered a charming little Eighteenth-Century ditty about the rival Italian Opera companies in London:

'Some say, compar’d to Bononcini
That Mynheer Handel’s but a Ninny
Others aver, that he to Handel
Is scarcely fit to hold a Candle
Strange all this Difference should be
‘Twixt Tweedle-dum and Tweedle-dee!' 

The pictures are of Tweedledum and Tweedledee, Handel and (a very limp-wristed) Bononcini.

Later on

Today is a big day for the historic building. A high-ranking Russian, his entourage of about twenty people, three ex-Mayors of our town plus their entourage, are coming to visit us this afternoon. I have been asked to play for the visit. Although I have serious objections to the politics of all the visitors, I have agreed to play. I'm doing it to enhance the good reputation of the building, and because it is my job. I have agreed only on the condition that I will not be put in a position where I will have to speak to them. I'll arrive a couple of hours so that I can warm up, as well as having a nice cup of coffee in the garden.

This morning

After the coffee and fags I polished my shoes, ironed a shirt and chose a suit for later. You wouldn't believe how posh I look in my charity shop 'mix 'n' match' clothes. After a quick bath I made my way up to the library.

Sleep

I had a reasonably good night's sleep, only waking up once during the night and not waking up several times after. My sleep is still pestered with strange dreams though. Up at seven.

Last night

I made a simple pasta dinner, and then I did nothing. I did look out of the window at my balcony, and enjoyed the evening sunshine. After having a few games of cards on the computer, I went to bed at nine.

A thought

We live in a time where the weak and the vulnerable are exploited and/or persecuted by the dishonourable and the disreputable. Sounds like the aftermath of the 1834 Poor Law. By the way, I wonder how many MPs who voted to cut benefits for the disabled, sit on the boards of disability charities?

A bit of levity

My life has been riddled by association with persons of the above description. I don't suppose this can be a modern phenomenon. Human nature doesn't change.

Another truth

Yes. It gets on my nerves too.

The rest of today

When I finish at the library it'll be home via the supermarket. Then it'll be films, reading, both or neither, and then bed. In other words it'll be a normal sort of evening.
The weather has improved during the course of the day. Now we have warmth (out of the shade), blue skies and sunshine.

Now

I've just finished at the historic building, having divided my time between playing and helping out in the garden. I learned that the schoolchildren that I expected to do a workshop for will not be visiting the building after all. I broke the news to the manager that I shan't play on Sundays anymore, all the time the mouthy geezer is there. Nor will I play at any time he is on duty. I play to professional standard, and it is completely unacceptable that I should be expected to play in such conditions. I'm feeling deflated and a bit sad, as I do enjoy playing, but this time I shan't back down.

Soon

I shall have to get myself ready for the walk up to the bus stop for the journey home. Thjen, after a quick was and brush-up, I'll need to get myself to the historic building for my three-and-a-half hour harpsichording stint.
Yesterday I made contact with a nascient local publication about the historic building where I play. They want to run an article about us. Good news, eh? That might help to raise our profile a bit. I'll have to get writing.

This morning

I feel more relaxed today. I started the day outside, enjoying the blue sky and sunshine, but not particularly enjoying the cold temperature. I found myself concentrating on the birdsong. I was listening to the sparrows and couldn't help noticing that one of them sounded slightly different, and its voice stood out. I listened out for when it went silent and when it joined in again. That reminded me of myself, ie my voice and not being quite the same as everyone else.

Sleep

I had a good night's sleep, and woke up only once, briefly, before getting up at half past seven. I've been having some very strange dreams since I started on the new tablets, but haven't had any nightmares. That's a big improvement.

Another good descriptioon

I have often commented that I live mostly inside my own head.

An old description

This says a lot about how I used to be. In my many years I have partly succeeded in overcoming this.

A good description

This says a lot about how I think.

And finally

I've had a lovely evening, starting with piano and maths practice, a thoroughly enjoyable meal and now relaxing with the best company. I'm being very good. I've declined the offer of a bottle of my favourite cider, as I want to give the happy pills a chance to work. Happy pills? They're fuckin miserable cunts. I wouldn't recommend 'em to my worst enemy.
Forgot to mention that last night I got the balcony almost planted out. There's just one more planter to think of. I hate petunias and am getting tired of fuchsias. I'm trying to think of what else to grow.

Now

The weather has been very changeable and strange today. We've had everything from bright, cold and windy, to black clouds, cold and windy, to hailstones. Now it's brightening up. Now I'm down to my last three minutes' worth of computer time, so I'll be off presently.

Since earlier

The autism stuff was gruelling, but I'm starting to find it easier to talk. I'm glad I went for the eye test, as my eyesight has indeed deteriorated. I shall have new glasses next week. I went and did some practice and then went home to take my afternoon tablets. I did forget, however, to bring my tablets for tonight and tomorrow morning, so I need to go back home to get them. Fucking idiot.

In a minute

I'm feeling restless, as my appointment is coming up very soon. It's time for a walk to try and clear away the cobwebs. While I'm out I expect I'll have one of those nice sausage rolls from the butchers. Ain't I exciting.

The rest of today

I'm looking forward to a different Monday night. I'll have a late afternoon session in the library. After that I'm going to my best friend's and stopping over. I've said I'll do a little bit of maths tutoring. I hope my (probably unwilling) victims will grow to enjoy maths as much as I do.

Soon

I've got a busy few hours ahead of me. Shortly I'll be going to see the autism man. After that I'm looking forward to the eye test. It'll be lovely to be able to see properly again. Then I'm going to the historic building to do some practice.
The weather today started better than yesterday with blue skies and a chill wind, but it has already started to deteriorate.

This morning

I woke up at ten past seven and got up just before eight feeling drowsy. I don't feel quite as rough as I did yesterday. The tablets leave me moving very slowly of a morning, but I had the fags and coffee as quickly as I could manage. Then it was on to the library. I've just written a few more things for the historic building's social media page.

Them upstairs

The cunts are being more horrible than usual. When I went to bed I could hear the little brat upstairs throwing tantrums, howling and wailing and stamping its feet, and its parent(s) ignoring it. I woke up to the same noise this morning. They've been having some right jolly old times around eleven o'clock at night. Can't wait for them to go, but I know I'll just have to be patient.

Last night

I felt very drugged-up from the new tablets and went to bed as soon as I got back from the library. I couldn't sleep, so I got up and threw some things together to make a meal. It wasn't too bad either. Then I listened to the Boccherini string sextets and played cards on the computer. Bed at nine.

Life and soul of the party

Not really.

Yet more autism stuff

I'm often stuck for the right words, but hardly ever get stuck for words in general.

More autism stuff

Just imagine...

In the meanwhile

I did some good practice at the historic building, and nearly have ready an extended French passacaille. Afterwards the appointment with my man went very well. When I left the weather had turned colder and windier, and the ominouls, dark clouds have now started producing rain. Now I'm back at the library for the last time today, where chavs abound.

Dissatisfied

I'm still trying to get replies from the charity and the disreputable politician who sits on its board. I'm continuing to exert whatever pressure I can, and will soon be getting help. After all there is nothing wrong with campaigning for the rights of disabled people. The disabled have enough to contend with, without the added misery of national politics.

My week

I've got a busy few days ahead of me. In the next three days I am seeing one of my autism people and having an eye test. Then I'm playing on Wednesday as usual. Then on Thursday I'm doing the workshop/performance thing for a party of schoolchildren at the historic building. Then I'm playing for a panoply of bigwigs at the same venue. Then we have a volunteers' meeting that evening. Phew!

The rest of today

I'll need to leave soon, an the various loud conversations and laughter are making it very hard for me to think. First thing I'll move the keyboard and stuff to the historic building and do some practice. Later on I have an appointment to see the man who is helping me on the work front. Then it'll be more of the usual.

How am I

I'm feeling very drugged and quite drowsy from the new tablets. They are supposed to make me sleep, but I'm still waking up once during the night.
I woke up at half past eight, which is very late for me, and it took me a long while to pull myself together. Then it was off to the workhouse and on to the library.

Sunday

After the fags and coffee I caught the bus home, got changed and went straight to the historic building. I had a better day but finished very early; the cunt's incessant talking really did my head in. I heard him telling visitors about his mother's maiden name and his grandparents. He pinned down one German couple for ages, droning on to them about Mercedes cars. How very professional.
When I went home, I sat down for half an hour before cooking dinner. Then it was off to the pub. I had quite a good night, but it did feel strange playing with a glass of lemonade on the shelf. I corpsed a few times to start with but soon got going. One annoying fat bitch (who thinks herself pretty) nearly got a slap. Home at half past nine and then bed.

The rest of Saturday

I had a crap day at the historic building, probably because of the grotty weather. We had some hail when I went outside for a fag.
After I finished playing, I got changed and went straight to the bus stop to get to my friends'. I had a lovely afternoon digging and planting my very own piece of their allotment. Afterwards I was treated to a lavish dinner. My new tablets did make me feel tired though, so I was very quiet and had a reasonably early night.

Now

I'm still very upset by this government's treatment of the disabled, and by the presence of some unscrupulous (and possibly corrupt) MPs on the boards of some charities. I've spent some more time making my distaste apparent to them.

Now I'm orf to the historic building.

The rest of today

I've got a busy one. I'm playing at the historic building very shortly. After that it's home to change out of the glad rags and then on to the bus stop to get to my best friend's. We're going to the allotment this afternoon, so I mustn't forget to take my fruit bushes with me. I'm really looking forward to seeing him.

This morning

I came round with the fags and coffee, looking out of the window. Then it was a quick dash through the bath, a shave, and iron a shirt. Then up to the library. It's a nicer sort of day today, broken sunshine, fluffy white clouds and a cool breeze.

Sleep

I took one of the new tablets before turning in, and settled down listening to Haydn's cantata Miseri Noi, one of my favourite pieces. I only woke up once during the night. I felt agitated but numb at the same time. Up at seven.

Last night

I was in a bit of a rush, so it was frozen hamburgers and chip shop chips for dinner. Then it was straight out to get to my meeting. It was a freezing cold evening by the time I arrived. I was still very early, so spent some time walking along the front and taking photos of the strangely-attractive gloom.
I arrived at the venue and the place was completely empty. I didn't want to go in so I waited. I waited and waited in the drizzle until the man I recognised arrived. I'd got the time wrong again. The meeting was due to start half an hour later than I'd expected.
The meeting was brilliant. I felt completely comfortable with the other people. They all have experience of playing in public. Most of them were either classically trained or had played classical stuff. They were all 100% committed to the new venture. I think the band/folk orchestra thing is really going to take off.
I got home at twenty to eleven, had a fag and went to bed.

Since earlier

I went and did a couple of hours' practice, and had a couple of walks with a fag round the historic building's garden. Time is drawing on now and it has turned noticeably colder this afternoon, so here I am back at the library. I do have to make a move soon, if I plan on having a meal this evening.

The rest of today

I ain't half going to be busy. Shortly I'll be off to the historic building to do some practice. I'm going to have another look at Dussek's variations on Gawd Save The King, which I plan to belt out at the pub on Sunday. Afterwards I'll have another go at the Dandrieu.
Mid-afternoon I'm going home to cook an early dinner. Then it's a bus ride to meet the other members of the new band/orchestra thing.

Current affairs

Yesterday was the Queen's 90th birthday. I hope she had a nice one, as I think she is eminently sensible, and feel she has been a stabilising influence in the country.  What I don't like, however, is the culture of privilege by birth. That's not the Queen's fault. She is doing what she was brought up to do. She doesn't know any different. The institution of Monarchy has become archaic.
This morning the death of another famous entertainer was announced. So what.
There is copious and stupidly hysterical press coverage of both stories. What the press ought to be giving such extensive coverage to, is the shocking treatment by our national government of those with mental disabilities. But the press would evidently rather fill the public's heads with celebrity stories, than with the real news.

This morning

I still felt quite drunk when I got up, so I took my time with the fags and coffee and treated myself to a cooked breakfast of egg on toast, sausage, black pudden and a cold latke from last night. That gave me the energy (and the will) to wash last night's plates and throw some clothes on. Then it was on to the library.
I've been busy this morning, writing to a few people and posting more things to Mencap about its association with the certain cabinet minister who is jointly responsible for harming the welfare of people with learning disabilities. It don't half make me wild. I'm writing to them so often lately, that (I hope) I must be starting to get on their nerves.

Sleep

I staggered into bed at about half past nine and slept until about four. After that I kept waking up, finally getting up at half past eight. I certainly knew I'd had a drop last night.

Last night

I took stock of the fact that I shan't be able to enjoy a tipple for the immediate future, so I decided to splash out on a bottle of vino and a cider. They lasted me before, during and after dinner. By then I was in an advanced state of conviviality, so strolled down to the boozer for another pint. For a moment or two I was best friends with someone I'd never met. I don't suppose I'd even recognise the person if I ever see them again.

The rest of today

I'm off home shortly, for the simple meal, films, and whatever light entertainment is laid on by the cunts upstairs.

In the meanwhile

I've had quite an afternoon. I arrived in the next town with plenty of time to spare. Then it all started going downhill. I walked and walked and followed what I thought was the right road. Then I walked some more. Eventually I arrived just by the shopping precinct near to where I live. So I asked for directions. Then I walked a vast distance, sometimes along busy roads without pavements, along grass verges and trying to avoid falling in ditches. I arrived at my destination with only two minutes to spare, dehydrated, work out, and my knees hurting even more than they had earlier.
I had a very good (but upsetting) in-depth interview with the shrink. He has got me a care co-ordinator, which is very reassuring. He's also prescribed me some tablets, that I've agreed to take on condition that they don't turn me into a zombie. The trouble is I'm not supposed to drink with them. That's fine, but I am prepared to overlook that whenever I'm round my best friend's.

In the meanwhile

I've had some great news! I've got myself an appointment for an eye test on Tuesday. That means I'll have the new glasses very soon afterwards. YAY!!! I'm really looking forward to being able to see properly again!
Also in the meanwhile the cunts I emailed about a nasty politician's involvement with a charity, have still not replied. So I wrote again. And I'm going to keep writing again if necessary. And again. I'm not having it.

How am I?

Still sore, stiff and feeling battered. The cut to my knee has started to dry up now though.

Today

I wiull have very little free time. Shortly  I'll be going to chase the opticians about getting my eyesight sorted. Then it's down to the historic building for a bit. Then it's a lengthy bus ride to the autism shrink and back. Then it'll be time to get the dinner on. It's a bit of a busy day.

Home news

The mystery of the cunts upstairs has finally been unravelled. My next-door neighbour and I got talking on Tuesday evening. She told me that the people upstairs had been told to leave the premises by 4th April, and not, as I had believed, chosen to move out. Their landlord has now taken legal action to get them evicted.
I feel sorry for the landlord. I know her on sight, and also know that she is trying to cope with the death of her father. Poor woman.

In the news

The death of another famous entertainer has just been reported in the press. I enjoyed that person's act. It was very clever. However I didn't know the person, therefore I cannot feel sad about it. It's sad for her loved ones though.

This morning

Ouch. At the library now and on to the historic building shortly.

Sleep

After being awake for most of the time since half past three in the morning, I wasn't half tired when I went to bed. I slept like a log until a quarter to five this morning. I was woken up by a chest full of fag smoke from nearby, choking and trying to open the windows. I opened the big windows in the front room, and it took the cough nearly an hour to settle down. I went back to bed shortly before seven, nodded off, and was awake again at twenty past. I'm mentally worn out, over-tired and in some physical pain. I don't feel very clever at all. I'm going to have a word with someone later.

On the way home

As I was walking down the hill from the supermarket, a little old man came walking towards me. He is quite senile and spends his entire day walking round the Old Town. As T walked past him I became momentarily disorientated and fell down with a large bag of shopping. That hurt. I know what happened. I have sometimes had the same experience shortly before a fit. I didn't have a fit yesterday, I daresay because of the tablets I'm taking.
Anyway one woman walked straight past me, as I lay sprawled out on the pavement. I sat myself up, and stayed there for some minutes before getting myself home. The trousers had to go straight into the bin because they were badly torn.
After aching a bit all night, I took an inventory this morning; two swollen knees, large, weeping graze to right knee, two bruised palms and stiff arns and wrists. Apart from that I'm alright.

The rest of yesterday

I went to the supermarket and then straight home. After a defrosted (but nice) curry I watched Belle Of The Nineties, before turning in at half past nine.

More autism stuff

I have often commented on this. Of course I know how I feel. It's just that I can't tell you the right words to describe it. I can tell you things about it, but I can't properly describe it. Mouthy chavs newly in the library have completely destroyed my train of thought.

Autism stuff

In a nutshell.

The rest of the day

I'm orf home now. Before that I'll bus it to the Indian shop for a couple of bits. This evening will be films as usual, I expect.

In the meanwhile

I've had a busy old time. After a gruelling session with the autism man I took myself to the historic building to do some practice. Afterwards I spent an hour or so helping out in their garden. When I finished that I went home to plant the lily bulbs that I bought yesterday to go on my balcony. Then back to the library. The weather continues beautiful.

Autism stuff

I was supposed to be meeting the other members of the new band/orchestra tonight, but the meeting has been postponed. I only found out about it when I got to my emails this morning.
People don't realise how difficult it is for me to cope with last-minute changes to plans. I had already planned the rest of my week so that I could pace myself for it. Now I can't do the thing I'd intended to do on Friday, because I couldn't manage the thing and the meeting all on one day. The whole thing is doing my head in, and I've half a mind to give the music people a right good bollocking.

This morning

I got up to another beautiful day. My mood, however, was far from beautiful. I took my time with the fags and coffee before sloping off to workhouse No.2. That went OK, then it was on to the library. I've got an appointment with the autism man in a short while. My life seems to be crowded with incident.

Sleep

I had a bad 'un last night, and have been awake since half past three this morning. I was wide awake but numb, deep in thought, tossing and turning for hours. I nodded off just after six and was awake well before seven.

The rest of yesterday

I did some good practice yesterday, and have got some of the Dandrieu pieces ready to play. They sound much better than they did thirty years ago, I suppose from the insight and knowledge I now have. Afterwards it was home via the shops for a dull dinner & films. Bed at half past nine.

The rest of the day

I'm sick and tired after half an hour of listening to this wretched woman shouting and hollering down her phone at someone who is currently, or was her boyfriend. I'm orf home now. First point of call is the supermarket as usual, and then it'll be the usual dvds, books or nothing. I can't hear myself think.

In the meanwhile

I went down to the historic building and did home harpsichord and piano practice. The weather was still lovely when I arrived, but had deteriorated by the time I left.
Now I'm back at the library and have checked my emails. I'm not at all surprised that I haven't heard back from the MP I wrote to, in connection with his so-called charitable works. Nor am I surprised that I haven't heard back from the charity that the said MP is connected with. It stinks. The whole thing really makes my blood boil.

Soon

I'm going for a walk soon. I need food to soak up the last of yesterday's booze. Then I'm going to take my keyboard and myself to the historic building and do some practice.
The weather is beautiful today. In fact we've had a few lovely days on the trot. I hope that means we're going to have a good summer!

This week

I've got a busy one. It includes visits to the autism man and my first appointment with the autism shrink. It also includes a visit to workhouse number two and all my regular playing. It also includes a trip to the next town to meet up with the other members of the band we are forming. Apart for that it's going to be very quiet.

Sleep

A noisyoutdoor  party had been going on all evening, and the loud music annoyed me as I tried to settle down. The music stopped not long after I went to bed, so I put on a recording of some more Boccherini string quintets. I had a couple of periods of wakefulness during the night, and seemed to wake up more often the nearer it got to the morning. Up just before eight.

Sunday

My time at the historic building started pretty much as usual, with the Sunday blatherer droning on in the next room. Then the elderly visitors came in and sat down to listen to what I was playing. I was about two-thirds of the way through a Byrd Pavan, when that horrible person came in too. He sat down with the old 'uns and started talking, and much louder than I was playing. I blew a fuse. I lost it. I stopped playing in mid track and rushed outside. I wax so overwhelmed by it all that I started bashing my head against the outside wall. The remaining two volunteers saw me and came over. The man in charge went inside and had a 'polite word' with the man. I spent the rest of my shift in the garden, only entering the building if I saw visitors going in, and leaving as soon as they were on the way out. We had some nice visitors and I enjoyed playing to them.
I went home with a headache and calmed down with a handful of fags. I made a simple but enjoyable meal, got myself togged up and sloped down to the pub.
I had a good night, with people near me telling me what they'd like me to play, and those out the back enjoying what I'd played. Yesterday was mostly classical, and that suited me. I've got a new piece to practice for Sunday nights, namely Sydney Smith's Paraphrase De Concert on Mendelssohn's Midsummer Night's Dream. It's hilarious and looks like it's going to be such fun to play.
I went home at about half past nine, and had some cold leftovers of the evening meal. After a couple of Laurel and Hardy films I turned in at a quarter to eleven.

Autism stuff

This pretty much describes how it is.

Undaunted

I'm still doing my bit to right a wrong. In this country we have people running this country who are targeting the disabled as a means of funding tax cuts for the wealthy. Some of those politicians have the gall to sit on the boards of charities, thereby conning the unsuspecting public into believing that the said politicians are working to improve the lot of people who have disabilities. I find this situation revolting and grotesque, and altogether unsatisfactory. I have one of those MPs firmly on my radar, and will keep on campaigning to right this terrible wrong.

Tomorrow

I've got my usual busy Sunday coming up, with three-and-a-half hours at the historic building at lunchtime, and at least two hours at the pub at night. I hope it will be a good day. There is nothing worse than going home with the hump of a Sunday night.

The rest of today

I'm going home shortly via the supermarket. I'm going to recycle some of yesterday's dinner for tonight's meal. Afterwards I expect it'll be the usual dvds or a read.

In the meanwhile

I've just had a reasonably good day at the historic building and feel quite tired now. One man asked me if I could play any Scarlatti, so I duly obliged. He recommended some recordings of Scarlatti played on the accordion. I shall definitely make a point of not listening to them. They sound quite grotesque.
After I'd finished playing I had a quick wander up the high street. On the way to the library two teenage girls asked me if they could have 'a pound or two for the bus'. I told them I didn't have it. That sort of thing really gets my back up. They obviously don't know what bus fares cost, so they must obviously have been lying.

This morning

I didn't take long with the fags and coffee. I ironed my shirt and got myself tarted up for later. Then it was the library as usual. I'm just about to make my way to the historic building. I want to practice and we're opening very shortly. The weather isn't horrible and wet like yesterday. In fact it looks like we might be in for a nice afternoon.

Words of wisdom

In the past some of these things have been said to me. I could scream.

Last night

I grabbed a bottle of wine on the way home. When I got in I cooked pasta with what I used to call 'Bolognese', but it was alright. I watched an adaptation of An Ideal Husband, and turned in at I don't know what time. I think I slept well, but woke up plenty of times as it got lighter. Up at twenty past seven.

The grand event

The gig was quite strange. The first guests started arriving about an hour later than expected, but there was no sign of the newlyweds. I played for a while to relieve the boredom. Eventually I looked at the proprietor of the venue, and she looked at me. Our looks must have said it all. I went over to her with my glass of wine and we had a bit of a giggle. The wicked side of my sense of humour came out.
Eventually the married couple arrived and the proprietor flapped her arms about frantically to warn me. I played Mendelssohn's Wedding March as they came in, but nobody seemed bothered. Then I looked round. The groom was decent looking and very well presented. The bride, however, was vast. She wore a purple silk dress with a Victorian look to it, which highlighted her rippling bulk to full advantage. She was enormous enough to affect tidal patterns and to deflect the moon from its orbit.
I carried on playing. These fucking awful kids kept running round. One of them hit me a few times while I was playing and hammered the uppermost notes on the keyboard. I gave them one of the looks that used to terrify my nephew when he was younger. I didn't stay long. I gets me dosh and orf I goes.
I contacted the proprietor this morning. She said that the thing got more and more hideous as the day wore on. The kids got even more out of control, leaving chocolate cake everywhere. The groom, apparently got ruder and ruder the drunker he got. That was that.

This afternoon

I'm very tired, so don't feel too confident about the gig. I'm sure I'll be alright once I get there. I'm not going to play all of Mendelssohn's Wedding March. I haven't practiced it enough, so I'll just play the first half. Of course I mean the first half of the whole march, and not the first half of the well-known bit. I tend to give of my services far too freely. I'm booked for ninety minutes this afternoon, so I'm going to play for ninety minutes, with a five-minute fag break half way through. I'm going to take my clock with me, so I can make sure I don't over-run. I don't suppose people will take too much notice of my music. They will be too busy getting bladdered. But I'm still going to do my best. I don't want to annoy everyone.

This morning

It's very clammy today, with moody, grey skies, drizzle, some warmth and ominous sunlight behind the clouds.
Having been awake for a very long time, I got up at about half past seven feeling tired and battered. I rushed the coffee and fags, ironed a shirt, polished my shoes and dragged myself through the bath. Then it was up to the barber's for a Baron Orloff.
Now I'm at the library, trying to pull myself together for this afternoon's gig. A bit later on I'm going to have another one of those chemical-laden hamburgers, to try and give myself some energy.

Sleep

I slept for most of the night but the last part was very uncomfortable indeed. I remember two dreams. In the first one I was with someone I'd been talking to during the afternoon, and we were sat on the top deck of a bus. The bus was going along a street where the buses don't run in real life. I am quite comfortable with that person in real life, but felt uncomfortable in the dream.
In the second dream I was drinking at an establishment that I frequented in a previous incarnation. The decor was completely different from how I remember it. At the bar (which in reality doesn't exist) was seated someone who had treated me very badly. They were facing away from the bar. I walked over to the bar and sat with my back to the person, saying nothing. On the other side of the bar was a person, the very thought of whom fills me with revulsion. We got talking about nothing in particular. At some point afterwards I turned round to the person that I had previously ignored, and asked them quite calmly if they realised how their disgraceful behaviour had affected me. I carried on talking. The person looked away from me and didn't say anything. That's when I woke up.
I think I know what the connection. Lately I am very upset by the behaviour of liars and hypocrites in high places. Those people have got me remembering liars and hypocrites in lower places.

The rest of yesterday

The weather remained beautiful all afternoon. I did go to the historic building to do some practice for the do later on today. While I was there two lots of people turned up so we let them in. I gave them the talk/demonstration on renaissance music. After that I went to the supermarket to get stuff for the freezer.
Dinner was simple but quite delicious; I seem to be having latkes quite often lately. I made a steamed lemon sponge pudden too. After dinner I watched I'm alright Jack and turned in at about half past ten.

Now

I used to have about forty copies of my Sunday Night song-sheet, but now I am left with only three where people took them home. Someone I know has offered to print me some, so I've made the font a bit bigger and added a few songs. Sorted.

It has been a bit of a while since I was able to afford things, so I'm about to go to the local hamburger joint with a discount voucher. Yay!!! I'm going to be hyperactive all afternoon.

In the meanwhile

It's a beautiful day and the weather is starting to get warmer. My best friend took me down to the allotment and showed me the very generous portion that had been put aside for me. Having made my way home I walked up to the barbers, only to find that they are closed on Thursdays. I must have my hair cut first thing tomorrow. I don't want to play looking like the Wolfman of Borneo. So now it's time on the computer. Shortly I shall go and buy some stuff for the freezer.Then it's the every-other-Thursday appointment, which I'm hoping will soon come to an end. After that I hope to do some practice, mainly Mendelssohn's Wedding March for tomorrow. Although I am not in full-time employment I am always very busy and do a lot of unpaid voluntary work.

Tenacious

I'm certainly not going to give up on the issue of disability charities harbouring individuals who have seriously harmed the lives of disabled people. I have again written to Mencap urging them to clean up their act and disassociate themselves from these disgraceful politicians. The whole thing is obscene.

This morning

Here I am, feeling the effects of the delicious bottle of wine I had last night and contemplating the beautiful morning. I can hear lots of birds. They are not exactly singing; it's more like nagging. I've got a few things I need to do once I get home. First of all I desperately need a haircut. I've got to practice the pieces for tomorrow. I need to get some shopping for the freezer. And, of course, I shall need to get myself home before I can do any of that. It does feel strange to be at a computer so early in the day.

Sleep

After watching A Night To Remember I turned in at half past eleven. I had a very comfortable night but I kept turning round, half-awake from strange dreams. I remember turning round and round for some time, before realising that I was quite awake and that it was twenty past five. Up at a quarter past six.

Angry

I have become quite active online lately, campaigning against the government's atrocious treatment of the disabled. Not only has the government cut disabled people's benefits, not only has the government given tax breaks to the rich, not only does the government refuse to take action on tax avoidance/tax havens, but it refuses to be honest about its own members' financial affairs. This government is the ruthless, callous face of self-interest and greed. It is our national shame.

The rest of today

I've had a lovely time with my best friend. We went to a nearby town for a nice pint. Afterwards I was treated to a lavish dinner. Most of all it's been the company that's made the day for me.
Earlier on I heard from the new orchestra, who want to rehearse next week. I'll reply to their email in the morning. I also learned that my arrangement for tomorrow morning is orf. I feel a bit unsettled and restless, although very happy where I am.

Last night

After a make-do meal I watched most of Judgement at Nuremberg. The people upstairs were cunts. That woman is an appalling role model for her progeny. Bed at eleven.

Today

I've had a queer sort of day, where things mostly didn't go to plan. The historic building wasn't a resounding success, although I know it will be soon. This morning's plans happened alright, but in the wrong order. The weather has been lovely all day.

The rest of today

Just now I found a piano reduction of Mendelssohn's famous Wedding March. I'll have that ready to play for the wedding reception on Friday. While I was trying to find it a baby in a push-chair screamed and screamed its head off, being completely ignored by the woman with it, whom I assumed to be its mother. She looked no older than fifteen. I despair.
Later on it'll be something from the freezer for dinner (but definitely not curry), followed by a dvd and/or a book.

In the meanwhile

After a gruelling session at the shrink's, I went home and took my keyboard to the historic building. I ran through some of the Dandrieu and had a cuppa and a chat with the other volunteers (who had turned up while I was playing). We got talking about yesterday's volunteers' meeting. The person who never shuts up was there and he completely hijacked the thing. I listened to about twenty minutes worth of a conversation between him and the people who had convened the meeting. That was that. I got up and stormed out. One of the volunteers is going to try and sort him out on Sunday. He's upset everyone now.
So here I am, back at the library.

Them upstairs

Last night I was treated to about half an hour of the most deafening noise. It was fun for all the family, with mum screaming and shrieking the loudest. They are a bunch of cunts, and the next time that anyone tells me that the family is definitely moving out, I swear I shall give them such a slap.
Meanwhile I'm thinking about another bunch of cunts, but that lot are dishonest, callous, rich and divisive.

A message

My best friend has invited me round for dinner. I've said yes, providing it's not going to be another one of me bleedin curries. I was offered last week, but unfortunately couldn't go.
The weather is beautiful today. It rained all evening and all night and started off rather gloomy.

Since last night

I slept well, waking up only once during the night. Up at just after six feeling tired (I don't know why), and took my time with the fags and coffee. I've got the psychologist shortly. I hate those things but feel it is important to go. I don't want to walk round with the hump for the rest of my life.

Out of the blue

The band that had just finished playing when I arrived at the boozer last Sunday stayed behind to listen to me. I played Beethoven, Mozart, Schubert and Chopin. One of the people asked for my contact details, so I wrote out the ones on my business card. Just now, out of the blue, the person rang me. He has formed a new folk band and wants me to play in it. He will email me all the details and I have said that I will let him know by the weekend. I'd really like to do it. I'm pleased too to think that he enjoyed my playing as much as he said he had.

The rest of yesterday

I had a very uneventful afternoon, which was taken up with laundry, cooking and miscellaneous boring activities. Curry for dinner yet again, but it was quite ok. Afterwards I put Too Many Crooks on, but found myself reading Dandrieu's Pieces de Clavecin instead. I'm going to start playing some of them again. Bed at half past ten.

In the meanwhile

After escaping from the madhouse I took myself home, to drop off the few bits and pieces that I'd bought earlier. I couldn't settle down though, so here I am again at the library. The screaming kids are no longer on the premises, so it's much nicer now than before I left.

Now

Too much noise; babies howling & screaming so I'm going home for a bit. Hopefully them upstairs will be out. That's right. They are still there.

Thinking

My days are so busy lately that I really need to free myself up a bit. I think the gardening thing will have to stop. I didn't go last week because I was so tired. I can't go this week because I will be playing. Besides I think I would much rather tend my window box, help in the historic building's garden and be unleashed on my best friend's allotment. I shall miss the guys though. They really are a lovely bunch.

This morning

I had my regulation visit to the workhouse, and that went without incident. Afterwards I made sure the rent and the electricity were sorted, and got me fag filters from the cheap hardware shop. Afterwards it was a pleasant stroll along the High Street in the brilliant sunshine and back to the library. If it's excitement you're after, then you're coming to the wrong person when it comes to me.

Since last night

I arrived home in an advanced state of conviviality, and went straight to bed. I slept through to half past five and woke up in exactly the same position as I'd fallen asleep in. I hadn't moved all night. I took my time with the fags and coffee before sloping my way down to the library.
A very welcome email awaited me. I am playing for a wedding reception in the next town this week. I had pencilled the date in my diary but the booking hadn't been confirmed. In fact I'd seen the diary entry earlier this morning, but hadn't taken much notice of it.

Yesterday

I had a much better Sunday than Saturday. I enjoyed both the historic building and the pub. I was lucky that the people in the pub wanted classical, so I could play things that I like. I stayed behind afterwards for a nice pint or two, and got home just before eleven.

In the meanwhile

Today was particularly dire but not altogether a waste of time at the historic building. Feeling tired now so I'm going straight home. I'll write to my brother on Monday.

Prevarication

I have been wanting to write to my brother for at least a couple of months, but just haven't got round to doing it. I've been thinking and thinking about it, and it's starting to get on my nerves. I must write this afternoon.

This morning

I took my time with the fags and coffee, ironed my shirt, did some washing-up and had a bath. Ain't I exciting! I got to the library a bit later than usual. I haven't got long here, as I'm harpsichording very shortly.

Sleep

I turned in listening to some piano quintets by Boccherini. I had the best night's sleep in a long while. I didn't wake up until nearly five, and didn't stay awake for long. Up with the seven o'clock alarm.

The rest of yesterday

I got bored at the library so went home for a nice, easy afternoon. I started picking through a French encyclopaedia from about 1920. The illustrations were great! For example the plate on aviation showed biplanes, triplanes and airships! It was a different world. After a simple but enjoyable meal I watched some more episodes of The Great War, and finished my viewing with Mae West in I'm No Angel. Bed at half past ten.

Just now

On the way back to the library I couldn't stop thinking about a thoroughly dishonourable, disreputable, vile, greedy, corrupt and evil collection of individuals, from whose deeds and from whose morality seep venom, pus and abject greed. I need not name them.

In the meanwhile

My rent is due next week so I went to check my bank balance. I didn't realise that I was in for a huge shock. There was hardly anything in the account. First of all I rushed up to the bank to ask for a statement, which showed that the money due to me last week hadn't been paid in. So then it was up to the office to get it sorted out. It was an absolutely horrible experience, and it took a while for my heart to leave my mouth. Feeling a bit less wobbly now.
While I was out I came across the lady I know from dunces'school. I've grown to become very fond of her. She is very good-hearted.

A matter of conscience

No. I am not left-wing, nor am I right-wing. I am not any wing at all. I cannot blindly accept any ideology, whether political or religious or anything else. Individual events boil down to a matter of what is right and what is wrong. After all I am autistic. Nowadays the trouble is that we seem to see so much wrong, but that wrong preaches that it is in fact right. That's exactly the same as religion does.

Autism stuff

I have often remarked that we autistic adults are indeed a forgotten generation.

Since last night

I had a shocking night's sleep, and got up at eight feeling completely worn out. I took the fags and coffee very slowly and got to the library much later than usual. I'm supposed to go to the gardening thing today but I'm going to give it a miss. I'm much too tired. That's really bothering me but I know it's an autistic thing (sudden last-minute changes to what is expected, and all that).

A home truth

It is high time the rich were stopped from lining their own pockets at the expense of the poor.

Yesterday evening

After the remains of the previous day's curry (which tasted much better the second time around) and suet pudden for afters, I sat down to watch Etoile Sans Lumiere again. That was followed by an episode of Attenborough's series on plants and the beginning of one of the Hammer horror things. Bed at half past ten.

The rest of today

The worst of the chavs have convened, and homed in on the imbecile next to me.Cunts. I'm orf home now.

In the meanwhile

The visit was a resounding success, and the students spent about half of the visit with me. Half the time I spoke to them in slow, clear English. When anything technical came up I resorted to speaking entirely in French.  There was very good feedback afterwards.
When the visitors had gone the man in charge of the building called me over. Apparently we are to be visited in a few weeks' time by a high-ranking Russian official and his entourage, and all the civic bigwigs will be there. I was told that they are all going  to be covered in medals. My response to that was that their shit stinks just like ours. I was also told that the Mayor had also asked specifically that I should play. I shall play. That's my job, but I find the Mayor's politics completely abhorrent. I was actually quite shocked that he knew about my music.

This afternoon

I am to play to two groups of French Students when they visit the historic building. I am going to give my talk on the cultural background, and intend to deliver it either wholly or partly in French. I haven't done that before, so that will be good for me.
By the way I went and had a chat with one of my friendly librarians. She has said that she will follow my historic building social media page. Our original readership of 280 people has now gone up to 395.

This morning

After the fags and coffee I ironed my shirt and made my way to the library. On the way I called in to see one of my close people who runs a charity shop. I had some good clothes for her to sell, and she gave me a lovely tie that she'd picked out.
When I got to the library some good news was waiting for me in the form of an email from my social worker. My eyesight has lately become quite bad, and she had contacted the High Street opticians on my behalf. It looks like I may be eligible for free glasses! That would make a huge difference to my life.

Sleep

I had a bad night. I woke up at half past one and was still awake at four. I turned off the alarm and got up just after eight, feeling very groggy and slightly disorientated.

Thinking

I've just been outside for a couple of fags and got thinking about last night's documentaries. I also got thinking about the government. People have lately been comparing our government to the fascists. That comparison is both stupid and unfair. What they do have in common though is greed. The fascists were greedy for power. Our government is greedy for money. Both parties' views on the disabled tally somewhat. Hitler referred to the disabled as 'Useless Eaters' and tried to exterminate them, until his own people forced him to abandon the policy. Our government is relentlessly persecuting the disabled, mainly in a financial way, however I think it impossible that the government will resort to Hitler's measures. I find it all very sad and very ugly. It demeans us as a nation. It shames me as an individual.

Yesterday evening

When I got home I made a curry. It was passable, and that's all I can say about it. I watched a couple of episodes of The World At War followed by a couple of Laurel and Hardy films. Meanwhile I picked my way through Antonio Soler's La Llave De La Modulacion. Bed at half past ten.

And finally

The weather has changed a couple of times since last wrote. It has stopped raining now but shows no sign of  brightening up. Tired of computers now so I'm orf home.

Them upstairs

They were supposed to be moving out last Monday, but I did hear them occasionally during yesterday evening. However I did see someone's possessions being loaded onto a van yesterday morning. Hope springs eternal...

The rest of today

I don't know what to cook for dinner so guess what I'm having? Yep. Curry again. I'll pop into the supermarket to find something to make it less boring. Afterwards it'll be the usual dvds and possibly a read.

In the meanwhile

The weather has been very changeable today, but has mostly tended towards broken sunshine. I had a mediocre day at the historic building, but you can't win 'em all. As long as I get some good days like the ones I've had recently, I really don't mind too much.

A bit of levity

This made me smile!

Last Sunday

When I went to the pub, several people greeted me by my first name and with beaming smiles. They obviously must have known who I was. I didn't have a clue who they were though, but pretended that I did recognise them. It's most frustrating and very embarrassing, particularly when people are being so kind.

More autism stuff

One has become a Guinea Pig. You see I've just agreed to take part in some academic research into how adults are affected by their autism. I want to do as much as I can to improve services for autistic adults.

Now

A bunch of the usual cunts has just congregated in the library, loud music blaring out of some gadget or other and the most atrocious behaviour. Cunts,

This morning

After a leisurely time with my fags and coffee and a was and brush-up, I treated myself to a cooked breakfast. Then it was up to the library as usual. I'm looking forward to my harpsichord stint in a very short while, which I do hope will be profitable.

Autism stuff

I wish the powers-that be-could understand this. On the other hand if they actually do know this, then they are every bit as cynical as I imagine them to be.

Last night

I had a simple but very satisfying meal. During the course of the evening I watched one episode each of The Great War and The World At War, and a couple of Laurel and Hardy films. Bed at ten. I slept very well and got up with the seven o'clock alarm.

Yesterday afternoon

I had a fantastic time at the historic building. I played and gave a talk on the cultural background to the music, to two separate groups of people involved in local tourism. They loved it. I was surprised (but delighted) when they left generous tips. When I finished I went straight to the supermarket and then home.

Last Saturday

While I was at the gardening thing's open day, I saw some people that I knew from a previous incarnation. I saw one of them looking at me with a 'I hope he ain't seen us' look. I can assure you I felt exactly the same, only I couldn't behave the same as them because I knew I'd been clocked. So I braced myself, walked over to them and was both polite and charming. I didn't hang around though, and was out of the gate as soon as my feet could take me.

This afternoon

After my appointment I shall need to go straight home and move my keyboard to the historic building. I'm playing for some visitors this afternoon. I'm going to include Couperin's 17th Ordre from now on. I used to play it decades ago and ran through it yesterday afternoon. It won't need too much work done on it.

This morning

The weather is really gorgeous! I didn't get up until nearly eight, and I was in a daze as I had the fags and coffee. I've been for my appointment at workhouse number two, and that was OK. Now I'm at the library, and will soon be on my way for appointment number two, which is my first with the autism man.

Them

The people upstairs were still in situ last night, although very much quieter than of late. There were a couple of outbursts beginning at nine last night. I fear they may not be moving out after all.

Last night

I was quite boring. After a pasta dinner I watched a couple of Laurel and Hardy films before turning in at ten. I slept through until four, after which I had difficulty settling down again. I tried to sleep on the sofa but couldn't, so I went back to bed. I woke up with the seven o'clock alarm, feeling totally shattered.

A history lesson

I do not support party politics, but I cannot help but realise that this is entirely true.

The rest of today

Earlier on I wrote another history thing for the historic building. I was embarrassed to see that I'd included the picture of the grotesquely fat chavs among the historical illustrations. I deleted that very sharpish.
Going home now for a lavish meal of pasta and meatballs. Then I expect it'll be films as usual.

Musical stuff

I'm busier than usual with the harpsichording. The historic building will be receiving two parties of visitors on days when it is usually closed, and I am going to play for them. Then there are the three sessions that I usually do, and Sunday night dahn the boozer. It's all very enjoyable but very tiring too.

In the library

I arrived back at the library where a chavs' convention is in full swing. That horrible, vile fat girl is back. I wish I knew when she was going for a swim. I'd send the Japanese whaling fleet after her.

The picture doesn't do her justice. The women are too slim. This woman is vast. In fact she's fucking massive.

In the meanwhile

I'm feeling quite pleased with myself! I collected the keyboard stand, and just as I was about to enter the flats my neighbour called me. She wanted to leave some bulky rubbish in my parking bay, until they take it to the council tip in a day or two. Well of course she can. What's more she agreed to take the carcass of my late futon too.. Now, instead of obstructing my hallway, it's sitting outside and awaiting collection! I do like a bit of give and take.

Shortly

It's time to go and get my keyboard stand from the pub. Having the keyboard case has made life so much easier for me, because I can carry the instrument home after I've finished playing.
I have to do as much as I can on the computer today, as my week is positively crowded with incident. The brain has gone to sleep now, so I'll give it a rest for a while.

Autism stuff

In the morning I've got my first session with the person about the anxiety & depression stuff. I hope it will live up to my expectations. I don't want to go round feeling like this for ever.

Just now

I've just been outside for a fag or two, and noticed that the sun is coming through after a cold, grey start to the day. I am really worn out this morning, and got thinking about the week ahead. Do you know what? I haven't got another free day until Tuesday week. No wonder I get so tired.

Them upstairs

They have been evil all weekend. They have been going out during the day, returning home at eight or nine and then kicking off. On Saturday it was fun for all the family. Last night it was Mr & Mrs Cunt having a loud party for two. They are supposed to be moving out today. I don't know what I'm going to do if they don't.

The weekend

I had another good day at the historic building. Afterwards I went to the gardening place's open day, where I managed to get two sloe bushes for nothing. They are going in the historic building's garden.In the evening I watched The Flesh And The Fiends, where Donald Pleasence plays one half of Burke and Hare.
Sunday was a washout in the historic building, and only slightly better in the pub. In the evening there was a family down from London, and they were all up for the old-time songs. The artist who wants me to play for his exhibition was there. The theme of the exhibition has apparently changed, so at the moment it looks like I'm going to be playing Schumann. I wonder how many more times it's going to change before the 'big event'. I finished playing at nine and walked home in a thunderstorm. When I got home I watched Laurel and Hardy in Helpmates, before turning in.

Autism stuff

Today is World Autism Awareness Day, and this month is Autism Awareness Month. My awareness is also channelled in a different direction. I am aware of people who say they are autistic but will not seek diagnosis. Those allegedly autistic people do not necessarily show many (or indeed any) of the common traits. I am also aware of those persons whom we are told are autistic, to which the same observations apply. 'Autistic in my opinion' is not the same as 'Autistic in fact'. 'Autistic in my opinion' does not mean that someone is autistic. Some of the people I have met are (in my opinion) are probably not autistic in any way, shape or form. It is more a case of this:

It is a case of people seeking safety behind a badge or a banner, so that they don't have to commit themselves to anything. They use the banner as a shield, in order to protect themselves from any form of criticism. The banner enables them to say whatever they like, and to claim harassment when they are called to account. It makes my blood boil.

The weekend

I've got a busy one. I'm harpsichording this afternoon and tomorrow afternoon and knees-up-mother-Brown-ing at the pub tomorrow night, all as usual. Today at teatime I'm popping in to the open day at the community garden where I help out. Nowadays I seem to be busy six or seven days most weeks.

This morning

I woke up to a beautiful day. It already feels warm in the sunshine. My mood was unaltered as I had the fags and coffee. I was very angry that upstairs were having a nice lie-in. I cannot wait for them to fuck off on Monday. I don't know what I'm going to do if I've been led up the garden path about it. The ears were still ringing away, and I felt decidedly fragile as I came too. After the usual Saturday wash and brush-up I made my way to the library. I'm starting to feel calmer now.

Sleep

I felt like this when I went to bed. I put on some Albinoni cantatas to settle down to. I usually adore them but they did get on my nerves, what with all the other racket. Then a car alarm went off, but not just once. It must have gone off at least a dozen times. I felt very distressed and felt rushes of adrenalin, probably panic attacks, and I don't know how I managed to sleep. I had several periods of wakefulness, each time like the picture, and woke up just before seven. It's funny that I found the picture. It shows something of my everyday life that I had hitherto found impossible to describe properly.

Last night

I took things very easy. I was too bored to eat so had another curry from the freezer. That was just as boring as I'd expected it to be. Afterwards I watched an episodes of the Attenborough series on plants. Fantastic. Interesting and very well made.
The cunts upstairs got home at about eight. They behaved themselves until twenty to nine and then all hell broke loose. I had the full performance. Bed at a quarter past nine, adults and kids screeching and screaming, ringing noise in the ears.

Spot the difference

One of these pictures is of Henry VIII, and the other is Humpty Dumpty. Can you guess which is which?

The rest of today

I think it's just about home time. My fingers are a bit stiff and sore after the gardening, but I'm not moaning about it. It's just that I need to get some rest before all the playing over the weekend. Dinner will be a meal rescued from the freezer, to be followed by probably more dvds.

Very true words

I'm not ready to talk about this just yet, but this figures large in my life.

News

The media is still waxing lyrical about a famous entertainer who has died. He was not funny, just as I said yesterday. How many more times do I need to repeat myself?

Just now

The weather is beautiful today. It did turn cool for a while early this afternoon, but this morning's sunshine and warmth have returned.
I left the garden and bussed it back to the library. The lobotomy club was in attendance. All we are waiting for now is the horrible, mouthy chavs. I was talking with the librarian, and she tells me they are expected imminently. Cunts.

In the meanwhile

It's been an odd day today, what with the moods. I am more than usually sensitive to sounds. I feel like I can hear every single thing simultaneously, and it's all against a background of white noise. I've had the earplugs in since this morning. When I got to the gardening thing I explained that I was feeling quiet, and that I didn't want to talk. They left me alone to get on with some weeding, which I thoroughly enjoyed. You probably would not know what a great weight off my mind it is, to be able to be myself and not have to try and hide it. I came away with a bit of a headache though.

By the way

I don't want to leave the library, but I don't want to stay either. Mouthy chavette, voice like a fog-horn, screaming on phone for past half hour. Shocking. Whatever happened to the days when one had to be quiet in libraries? Sigh. Fucking awful. Wish I had a harpoon gun.

Shortly

Oh well, it's just about time to drag myself up to the gardening thing. Don't feel like it. Would rather have a quiet Friday as usual. I really need quiet Fridays so I'm fresh for all the playing at the weekend. This weekend has been a bit of a cunt, despite the lovely weather.

Autism stuff

I'm not sure whether I agree entirely with this message, but the issue for me is depression. In my case the depression is together with anxiety, which is not uncommon in autistic men. I had a chat with the woman yesterday. She said that the other day, she'd spoken with a psychologist who specialises in autism. He told her that autists experience anxiety and depression differently to 'normal' people. Ours is apparently much more extreme and debilitating than it is for other people. I didn't realise that. Perhaps I'm not coping so badly after all.

Moods

My mood is very odd today. My mood is always very odd when I've had a nice, convivial evening with the people upstairs. Also I've had to take on board a few last-minute changes this week, and I've never found that easy. First of all there was the Tuesday afternoon appointment, which turned into Tuesday morning on Tuesday morning. Then there was the Tuesday gardening which I had to cancel, without being able to warn them beforehand. Then there is my appointment with the psychologist on Tuesday, which means I will have to reschedule the gardening in future. And I'm doing this week's gardening today, when I'm so tired and disorientated that I'd rather have a day to myself as usual. It's really very trying.

Sleep

I listened to the Royer again as I settled down. No sooner had I gone to bed when the fucking brat acted up again. So there was I, wide awake and fucking angry. The next thing I remember is being woken up by loud noises from upstairs, and Mrs Cunt evidently found it most enjoyable. I woke up several times during the night, and got up at seven with the alarm.

Last night

I had a simple but enjoyable meal, and paid lip service to healthy eating by having a salad with it. I watched another genealogy programme before turning in at half past nine.
The people upstairs were disgraceful all evening. The kid was still running round and screaming at a quarter past nine. I hope the cunts really are moving on Monday. What I don't need are any nasty surprises.

Levity?

Yes. I know exactly what it means.