The rest of today

I want to try and sleep when I get home. After that I'll make a simple meal, probably the dreaded pasta with one of my tomato sauces. Later on tonight I'm going to meet up with my best friend for a pint, which I'm looking forward to. I do feel awfully tired now.

In the meanwhile

I couldn't be bothered to make two trips to get my keyboard to the old building, so I carried it all in one go. I shan't be going that again, as it really was a bit of a struggle. I'm not getting any younger, you know.
I had a mediocre afternoon, but played quite well. Another two Scarlatti sonatas are practically ready. Good music is completely wasted on chavs.

Now

It really doesn't look very nice outside. The weather map shows a fluffy white cloud. The cloud cover outside is anything but white or fluffy. It looks like it's raining too, although the weather map shows quite clearly that it is currently dry. Oh well here goes. Let's go and get that keyboard moved.

The weather

Later on yesterday evening it did turn quite windy, but it wasn't the gales that we'd been promised. It rained a lot during the night, but it had stopped by the time I got up for the second time. I've just looked at the weather forecast map for today, and the map doesn't look all that much like what it actually is. I hope the forecast of clearing skies and prolonged, sunny periods turns out to be right.

This morning

I didn't have any more coffee when I got up for the second time. I had a fag, ironed a shirt, had some toast and set off for the library. I decided that I really don't feel up to playing today, but I will go in. Firstly I don't like to let people down at the last moment. Secondly I might be lucky with cd sales or tips. I will need to go and move my keyboard there shortly.

Sleep

When I turned in I listened to a cd of guitar quintets by Boccherini. I had a very restless night, many times being woken up by strange dreams. I woke up at about four but lay there for an hour or so. I felt peculiar when I got up. I had me fags and coffee then went back to bed. I'm not sure if I slept at all. I got up finally at eight, feeling as if I'd been watching a film.

Yesterday

I had a good dinner and settled down to watch Bleak House. I managed to watch one dvd and a bit. Upstairs were quieter again yesterday, but kicked up a bit from twenty to eight. I didn't watch any more. I turned in at nine, with it all still going on.

The weather

It has certainly been very windy lately. I looked out of the library window at the sea, and could see some very large waves blowing in. Apparently the remains of a devastating storm have crossed the Atlantic and are now starting to affect us. According to the weather forecast, we are to expect some gales later on this evening. I do hope we get them, as it will give me something interesting to watch.

Since last night

My mood is still not how I'd like it. I went to bed very edgy. I don't remember waking up during the night, but my bedding was all over the floor when I got up this morning. I've been at the library all day, and will probably stay until it closes.
There is a saying 'What goes around, comes around'. I'd really like to believe it were true, only I don't. I know there are some really horrible people in the world, and I don't believe for one minute that they are going to suffer any more or any less than nice people do.

Yesterday

Yesterday was quite a day, and my mood was all over the place. When I went to the appointment yesterday, the man asked me how I was. That probably wasn't the best question to ask me. I lost it. The answer came out in a whirlwind that went on for nearly half an hour.
I didn't fancy cooking so I got a couple of cold things from the supermarket. I rather enjoyed the cold meal. It made a change. I was on tenterhooks all evening waiting for upstairs to start, but they stayed quiet. It was creepy. I could hear them all, but there wasn't any of the horrible stuff that I usually get. (I think I've sussed what they are doing. The previous night was really terrible. At one point they had the music on so loud it made my pictures buzz. They shouted/sang along with it, at the same time all stamping in time with it. I think they were quiet because they were expecting to receive a complaint, so stayed quiet in case anyone came round about it). What a couple of nights I've had.

Now

Here I am still at the library. It's open late today so I might as well use it. When I go home I think I'll probably have a grape-flavoured sedative for a change.

Today

I have an appointment shortly with the man who is helping me with the work stuff. I feel very edgy indeed. I do hope I don't have to wait too much longer to hear from the social services people.

Last night

Dinner was nice. The rest of it was completely trashed. Something happened last night that made me realize that the people upstairs not only know what they are doing, but that they are doing it deliberately. I can't remember what time I turned in.

Soon

I think I'll take myself home via the foreign supermarket. I need a couple of bits and it's much cheaper there. I don't need to cook tonight, only some rice, as I've got more than enough left from yesterday. I can't really say what I'm doing later. It all depends.

Today

It has been a different sort of day. I'm still tired and a bit listless, so I spent some time looking at someone else's family history. I'm quite bored of it now, and very inundated by the thick community. The weather has stayed dull and rainy all day.

The weather and that

We had some fierce gales yesterday evening, but these had died down considerably by the time I went to bed. I woke up to a dark morning and could see that it had been raining. It's still very windy, but nothing like it was last night. I do like the gales, provided I'm inside and they are not.
My coffee and fags were nice and peaceful until the little kid upstairs got up at ten past seven. That was that. Then it was up to the library as usual. When I got to the computer I found I've got another booking from the person I played for just before Christmas. Yay!!

Sleep

I think I slept quite soundly, and got up around six this morning. I remember some odd dreams though. In one of them I had become stupidly fat and moon-faced. I think the people I saw on the library staircase were still playing on my mind.

Last night

I cooked the same thing I made at my friend's the other day. I was just about to dish up when the noise started. This time it included rapid hammering noises, which was lovely. I rapidly lost my appetite and came back to eating some time after it had all stopped. I was going to watch a film, but I changed my mind and half-concentrated on a book instead. Just as I was turning in all the groaning etc. started up, but I don't think the love of her life was there. So I had that to listen to as I tried to go to sleep.

The rest of today

I think I'll get myself home in a minute. I still feel oddly tired, so I hope I'm in for a cunt-free evening. Upstairs is a cunt. The woman is a cunt. The children are a cunt too, and so is the latest boyfriend. Noisy cunts they are. I don't know what I'm going to have for dinner, but I hope that won't be a cunt too.

News?

Rumours are circulating that a famous footballer might be 'gay'. So what. As far as I am aware he has never done anything to gay people. As far as I am concerned it is neither mine nor anybody else's business.
As far as I know he's not a religious or political bigot, who says one thing and does another. Religion has treated gay people appallingly, and so did a certain political party in this country, until recently. I take a completely different line with these individuals. If they have made a career of oppressing gay people, while at the same time following a secret, gay lifestyle, then I think it is my business, and the business of anybody else who wants to know about these hypocrites. By the way I still can't stand football.

Thinking

Just now I went outside for a fag, and got thinking about an email I got from my social worker today. I imagine she must have finally spoken to my counsellor. I don't mean that she couldn't be bothered to make the call. I know that both people are extremely busy. When the one calls, the other is with a client, and vice versa. It's taken them all this time to make contact with each other. Anyway I'm glad that part of it has happened. My social worker has already phoned the people who can provide me with a support worker, and help me with the housing stuff. What she's also done is to refer me to an advocacy service. In my everyday life I'm not at all good about saying what I need and what I want, and altogether bad at sticking up for my rights. The advocacy people will speak on my behalf whenever it is necessary.
When I came back into the library I couldn't get back up the stairs. Two very fat persons were plodding down it. Although the one of them was standing in front of and to the side of the other one, they completely blocked the way. Why do people let themselves get to that size? I'm sure it can't be all that good for them.

Today

I was half-asleep as I went through the fags and coffee bit. Afterwards it was up to the library. The weather is noticeably milder today, but it feels like it might storm later. The stuff I put on social media about the historic building has had a massive number of hits, so that's a result. My afternoon treat today has been an unlimited quantity of verbal diarrhea. Ain't I lucky.

Yesterday

I was decidedly off-color yesterday. I had an appalling headache during the afternoon, which got slightly better for a bit before suddenly turning even worse. I had a lovely dinner but still felt decidedly odd, so I went to bed at seven. I enjoyed the sound of the kid upstairs running round and shouting after I'd turned in. It really did my headache a power of good. Eventually I got to sleep, but found myself wide awake at exactly midnight.
I couldn't settle down. so I went into the front room for a fag. I was tired so I went straight back to be afterwards and lay there tossing and turning for a couple of hours, thinking and thinking. I did fall asleep at some point, but was sorry I did. I had the most terrible and upsetting dreams. I fell out of bed at a quarter past seven this morning.

Since earlier

I went to the supermarket and got the freezer an early birthday present. I got itchy feet after moving the keyboard so brought myself back to the library. I can still feel the after-effects of the Chinese stuff. I'll sort out the food once I get home, and then try and think of something nice to make. Then back to normal.

In a moment

It's that boring time in the week when I need to get my keyboard back home. Before that I'll have a quick nosey in the charity shop and pop into the supermarket. Then I expect I'll stay at home. The usual sort of stuff. I still feel slightly out of sorts after last night's atrocious supper.

Since last night

I slept badly, and woke up frequently feeling hot and parched. I must have been awake for a good hour around four o'clock. I got up at just before eight, suffering from what Culpeper referred to as 'womblings of the stomach'. No more Chinese takeaways from that place. Then it was fags and coffee and straight up to the library.

Sunday

I woke up at about half past eight and then it was fags and coffee. I mulled over whether I should play at the historic building or not. The mouthy one there really does my head in, but I do enjoy playing. In the end I decided to play, but told the person in charge that I would go home immediately if the loud talking got out of hand. I'm glad I went. I had a brilliant day, and found myself occupied for the whole time we were open. Afterwards it was home for a quick and easy dinner.
A band was still playing when I got to the pub so I kicked off late. Three people I know came in for one drink with a visitor from the Continent. In the end they stayed all night. I'm glad they enjoyed it. I like it too when I see people I know.
On the way home I got a Chinese takeaway because I felt so hungry. That was a mistake. The stuff I dished up only bore a passing resemblance to what it should have been. I can still taste salt and oil now. When I got home I watched a couple of episodes of The Rag Trade and turned in at midnight.

Saturday night

Dinner was rather indifferent. I wonder where I went wrong. Afterwards I started watching a televised production of The Importance Of Being Ernest. I've had the dvd for about ten years but never got round to watching it, mainly because I so enjoy the fifties version with Edith Evans etc. After about half an hour I stopped for the usual reason and picked through a book. I resumed the film some time later and turned in at tenish.

The rest of today

The librarian has just seen a gang of feral kids off the premises. She's only a small woman, and I always worry that one of those arseholes is going to hit her one of these days.
Once I've finished at the library I'll go home via the supermarket. Then it'll be back to normal, I expect.

Moods

I'm feeling a little bit more relaxed than I have been. I'm sure it's all to do with the noise. The noise I get at home really puts me on edge. My edginess affects my sleep. The lack of sleep contributes to my depression. Last night was nice and quiet. It wasn't silent, but any noise was at the sort of level one might reasonably expect. I've finished my counselling sessions now, but the lady who took them has written to my doctor saying how the noise is affecting me. I received a copy of the letter in this morning's post.

The evidence

The historic building where I play is owned by the local council. The local council give us practically nothing in the way of help or support. They think we could (rather should) do better.
On the other hand one of our visitors wrote a letter to the local newspaper, saying what a lovely time she had with us. The letter was published in this week's issue. My playing was mentioned too! Also we have lots of very nice comments in the visitors' book. Also we have significantly more visitors than we did a year ago. The individual at the council is obviously not in possession of the facts. They will be in possession of them on Mondaythough, when I put the actual letter and visitors' book online.

Today (so far)

I got the bus home with plenty of time to spare. When I got back I had a quick wash and brush-up and ironed a shirt to wear. I'm getting good at ironing now. I didn't used to iron anything at all until recently. Afterwards I took the keyboard and bits to the historic building.
I played well today, and am including four of the new Scarlatti sonatas in my recital. Today was moderately soul-destroying, but it wasn't a complete waste of time.

Last night

I had a lovely time, but then I always do when I go to my best friend's. I was still tired though and turned in around half past ten. Apart from waking up a couple of times during the night, the next thing I remember is getting up at about half past eight this morning. I had a really comfortable night.

Something different

I can hardly get my head round how quiet it is, here at my best friend's. Of course there are sounds. The kids are enjoying their film, and people are talking to each other. I can hear the film too. But what I have to put up with at home is something very different. This is what my evenings should be like.

Now

Grub is all ready. Just waiting for people to be ready before I cook the parathas. Earlier on I started looking at a friend's genealogy. I sent her the little bit that I've done and she's thrilled to bits with it. Just now I started having a bit of fun with my photos on my social media page. On that I've just made contact with a girl I got on very well with at Uni. As Oscar Wilde described it, my life this evening has been 'crowded with incident'!

Last thing...

It's not freezing cold, bright and windy. It's been mild, muggy and pouring with rain all afternoon. I prefer what we had this morning. In a moment it'll be time to make my way to the bus stop to get to my friend's. The grub is ready to get on with.

Since earlier

I went home and had a lavish lunch. Afterwards I read another two chapters of the book on Queen Victoria. Then it was time to make the dough and the potato stuffing for the parathas we're having later on.
When I got back to the library, most of the computers were busy. I sat down at one and the two lovely young persons at the next terminal started playing rap on their whatever gadget it is. Then out of the corner of my eye I saw a lighter being lit repeatedly. Then I smelled drugs, at which point I got up and moved. Luckily one of the quiet seats had become available, so here I am.
You know I can't abide rudeness or bad behavior. Although I am totally opposed to capital punishment, I'd be very happy indeed to see the likes of those two rounded up and put in a zoo (and then fed to the lions).

Now

The wildlife have congregated in the library, and that's done my head in. So off I go now.

Later on

It's really freezing today so I think a hot lunch will be in order. I'm going to my best friend's this evening, so I'll bung on another of me curries. While I'm at home I can do some of the preparations to save time later. Also while I'm at home I want to go through the Scarlatti for tomorrow.
I'm glad I gave yesterday's appointment a miss. I really don't like changing things at the last moment, but I needed the break.

Bits and pieces

The mobile phone company are still at it. There were two phone calls and a text message yesterday. Needless to say they all went unanswered.
This morning I had an interesting email from one of my autism groups, inviting people to take part in a research program. When I looked at the flyer, the subject for research and the venue gave me a good idea of who is likely to be involved in it. No thank you very much. I'm not interested. The woman is a cunt.

Since last night

I must have been exhausted when I went to bed, because I slept through until nearly 6am, and woke up in exactly the same position as I'd fallen asleep in. Coffee and fags were routine, but we had a lovely sunrise this morning. It's bright enough but bitterly cold with gusty winds. Now I'm back at the library as usual.

Yesterday

When I got home I had some toast (very exciting?) and had a run-through of a pair of Scarlatti sonatas. Then I read a bit, before deciding it was probably time to eat. I started a pillao at 6pm, and while it was cooking upstairs kicked off. It was loud until just gone half past seven, and I mean loud. Not just the stampeding around. Not just the kids shouting and screaming. Not just the adults shouting and screaming. This time there were some very loud bangs that made my ceiling shake. I suppose it might have been the kids jumping off something onto the floor. Whatever it was they all seemed to find it hilarious. After it stopped I waited a bit and had my dinner at a quarter to eight. Then I started reading. Then a little while afterwards I had to stop. She's got a new boyfriend now and I have to listen to all that, and she can't even do that quietly. She can't even be bothered to do it in her bedroom. Perhaps she's worried about waking up the brats. So I get it directly overhead. If it were just that I'd probably find it rather funny. However I don't find it at all funny, not on top of everything else. The woman is a fucking nuisance, and I'm beginning to detest her and her family. I can't wait to be able to move.  Bed at half past ten.

Soon

I'm going to call it a day very shortly. When I get home I'll play through some of the Scarlatti after a spot of lunch. I don't have to cook because I've got plenty left from yesterday. Then it'll be the usual mixture of reading and either a whole film or part of one.

Now

It's a funny thing. I still feel quite stressed, but also feel that my mood has just started to improve. I have two people I know are working very hard on my behalf to get things done. I firmly believe that there is light at the end of the tunnel. It's just a matter of waiting again.

Thinking

Just now I went outside for a fag, and noticed how bright it is, although still very cold. I got thinking about wright and wrong again. I got thinking about religion again, and how immoral it is.
I remembered a Christian statement that one should always always respect authority, on the grounds that the same thing is said in the bible. But why should authority be respected, unless it is just? The biblical point of view certainly explains why the church has always allied itself with the ruling classes, who have a long and shameful history of exploiting their lesser countrymen. The history of the church is in fact a history of cruelty and oppression. The biblical point of view also explains the church's relationship with the Nazis not so very long ago. I cannot and will not show respect to something unless that thing is worthy of respect.

The weather

It was f-f-freezing last night. When I got up it was just as cold, and I could see that there had been a hard frost during the night. It's bright and sunny though. I was still being bombarded with thoughts as I had the fags and coffee. I decided to give my every-other-Thursday appointment a miss. I'm the one who needs a rest.

Sleep

It took me a bit of a while to settle down, but I think I slept until half past five, when I woke up with my brain in full gear. I lay there trying to get back to sleep, but instead I found myself thinking frantically about right and wrong. Of course there must be accepted standards of what is right and what is wrong. But then a little bit of thought is necessary. For example if something wrong is done, was the deed carried out maliciously or was it done through ignorance? And did the deed harm anyone else?
There are some cultures in the world where any transgression, however minor, is punished with corporal or capital punishment. Once upon a time it was like that here too. But nowadays it seems to be that often, the people who are paid to administer this side of things are not allowed to think about each case individually. It is not their job to think. It is nobody's job to think. These people act because it is their job to do so. They act on written or verbal instructions with no room for flexibility. So did the guards at the Gulags and the concentration camps. Of course these minor administrators are not committing acts of evil, but the mentality is identical.
When I looked at the clock it was nearly eight o'clock. I had been thinking all that time.

Ouch!

My life is full of unwanted intrusions lately. The mobile phone company called me three times yesterday, and of course I didn't pick up. Then last night I had three unwanted text messages via a third person. Again I didn't answer. It all feels like 'chip, chip, chip' and makes me very tired. There are very few people that I am happy to speak to at any time. Otherwise I just want to be left in peace.

Yesterday

When I got home I put the dinner on. I decided to go the full monty and made a vindaloo. While it was cooking I read some more of the book on Queen Victoria. What a person she was. Orrable. After dinner I started watching Alistair Sim in a televised play about Burke and Hare, where he plays the part of Dr Knox. Shortly afterwards I switched the thing off for the usual reason and read instead. Bed at ten.

In a minute

I'm getting a bit bored now, so I think I'll be off home in a minute. I expect this evening to be as bumpy as usual, so I'll read a bit before then. Tonight will probably be just as usual.

Local government

It is impossible to describe our district council, except in gynaecological terms. Inflexible, intransigent, unthinking. The sort of behaviour that keeps dictatorships in power, and the sort of unwillingness to think that allows dictatorships to do terrible things to people. It's a bit like 'It's not my fault. I didn't know about it. I was only doing my job'.

More of the same

The mobile phone company still haven't given up. Two more calls last night and another one this morning. They are completely wasting their time.

A busy couple of hours

I did hear from the accountant, so I bussed it over to his and got the tax done, at last. Then it was back to the library by bus and onto the computer. I've finally got round to sending the council an email about the disgraceful way I was treated by one of their officers the other Sunday. Let's see what happens. I'm not holding my breath.

Nowadays

It's a funny old time. It's all about waiting again. I know that things are going to happen before too long, but it's all waiting.

Since last night

I woke up at about three again, and was awake for a long time. I did get back to sleep again and got up at eight. It's freezing cold again and more overcast than it has been. After an uneventful start to the day, here I am back at the library. I expect I'll see the accountant later on, now that I've remembered what I forgot yesterday. I'll find out later.

Yesterday

When I got home I read a few more chapters of the book about Queen Victoria. I'm really glad I didn't know her. Her personality was equally as hideous as her looks. Later on I went round to my friends for dinner. I'm glad I went. I did enjoy myself, and managed to go a whole evening without clamming up. The meal was fantastic too. Bed at eleven.

Modern times

I hate phones, and mobiles in particular. The trouble is that there is no longer any such thing as privacy. People are expected to be available twenty-four hours a day. The mobile phone company have been bombarding me with messages for quite a while. They want to sell me a 'better package' which I daresay will cost me more than it already does. After all these people aren't a charity, they are a corporate company. They aren't doing it for love. Now they have stopped sending me messages. They are phoning me instead. Three times yesterday and twice this morning. Of course I don't answer the calls. It really is getting on my nerves now. Can't they get the message?

Later on

I've got a quiet day ahead of me. I have been invited to dinner, and I'm going to go. I don't feel nearly so easy about it now that I'm sober, but I'm sure a big mouthful of cider will get me out of the door. Of course it's lovely to be invited, but it will be a strain in that I will be in a completely unknown environment. I expect it'll be good for me to break my usual routine in this way. Deep breath.

Artistic Licence

Spot the difference. Which of these pictures is of the young Queen Victoria? The answer is that they both are, strange as that may seem. The rather plain, slim and demure young lady in the painting is what the artist made of the fat, puddeny blob in the photograph. She was every inch the madam, and quite a virago. As a nine year old girl, she is quoted as saying to another child "I may call you Louise but you may not call me Victoria". It's all rather silly, since her name was actually Alexandrina, so why did she go round calling herself Victoria? Don't forget, of course, that the poor, sweet, innocent little luv didn't have a room of her own until she was eighteen. It makes your heart bleed. Perhaps she didn't realise that a huge number of her subjects lived one family to a room. The poor woman didn't know the half of it.

In the library

Lowlife alert. If only you could hear them.

Moods

I have quite a few different things going on lately, and more to come in the near future. We autists do not find such changes to our routines very easy to cope with, and it has all been going round and round in my head. I went to see the accountant this morning, and I've been so preoccupied that I forgot some vital information that I needed to take with me. In the past I have fucked up on many occasions, and always for the same reason.
Afterwards I came to the library, only to find that the system was 'down'. Eventually they got it working again. I had some good news. My social worker is going to get me a support worker to help me with the things in life that I've always found most difficult. That's not just good news. It's bloody brilliant!!!

Since last night

I slept quite badly, just before seven o'clock this morning I was woken up by the sound of Madam hollering at her kids. I got up with the hump and swigged down the coffee, chain-smoking at the same time. Then it was off to my last counselling session. I'm going to miss those.

Last night

I had some of my ready-made curries from the freezer for dinner, but didn't find them all that appetizing. After that I watched some more Rag Trade until it all got too distracting, so I started reading a biography of Queen Victoria. She was a cunt. I've been reading a lot lately, around a hundred pages a day. When things had quietened down I finished watching the dvd that I'd started earlier. Bed at eleven.

In the meanwhile

Got the meeting over and done with. It was just the usual few there, as usual, again. The geezer that won't stop talking did just that, so I periodically went out for a fag. I came up with a few good ideas for things I'm going to do. I've also invited the local autism charity to have a stall at our events. The geezer was still gassing towards the end of the meeting so I upped and left. Then I got the keyboard moved, so that's all I've got to do today. My mood still hasn't settled down, and I'm sure the verbal diarrhoea we were subjected to at the meeting didn't help.

In a minute

It's time for me to get moving. I need to get a few things from the shops and a bite to eat. Then it's the dreary meeting. I don't really fancy going one bit, but I have said that I am going so I can't let them down. Yawn.

Just now

Having been bombarded with text messages from the mobile phone company, they decided to phone me out of the blue. It was all the old cackle about being a valued customer and all that. The woman asked me how much I spent every month on topping up my phone. Actually in my case it's more a case of how little I spend on it. When I told her the line went dead. With a bit of luck they might start leaving me alone now. Yer gotter larf!!

The weather

For the past few days it has been sunny, bright and freezing cold. There hasn't been much in the way of wind though. By the way before I forget, the council is a cunt.

The next few days

I've got a bit of a funny week. Tomorrow I'm going to see my accountant to get my tax sorted out. Boring. It will seem funny not playing on Wednesday, as the historic building will be closed. Then I have my every-other-Thursday meeting. Then I'm playing at the historic building on Saturday and the pub on Sunday.

Stunning

I love the Painted Hall in Greenwich. It's one of my favourite places of all and features very strongly in my childhood. I took the top photo in December 2013 before the varnish of nearly three centuries had been removed. The bottom picture shows what it looks like now. Isn't it beautiful!

Since last night

When I got home I had hamburger and chips from the freezer. I washed it down with the half pint of cider I'd brought back with me, and watched an episode of The Rag Trade. Bed at eleven. I woke up at half past eight this morning feeling very drunk and nodded off again. The next thing I knew was that it was nine.
The day started with fags, coffee and a hangover. Never mind. I enjoyed myself yesterday. When I got to the library I found an email from my social worker, saying that she will be having a conversation with my counsellor today. That is fantastic news. I won't remember to tell my social worker the things that really matter.

Today

I've got a meeting at the historic building today, where they are trying to drum up ideas for events this year. I've got a couple of things I want to do. One of them is a workshop 'Learn to dance the pavan and galliard', where people can learn the steps and I'll play the music while they dance. Another idea is a talk on the origins of nursery rhymes (for example Ring a ring o' roses' refers to the Great Plague). The meeting is going to be a dirge though, if people are true to form, or if they even bother to turn up. After the meeting I shall need to move my keyboard, and then it'll probably be another session at the library.

Yesterday

I had a rather uneventful sort of day, which mostly revolved around laundry. I did some work on two more Scarlatti sonatas and a couple of Edith Piaf songs.
The pub went well, and I had people singing or asking me to play things for a couple of hours. One man said he'd seen me before and that his brother was a big fan of mine (I didn't realise I had any fans!), and made a video of me for his brother. Some people I knew were there so I drank rather more than usual. I knew all about it when I got up. They have invited me round for dinner tomorrow, and that will make a lovely change.

Saturday

After an early start the coach got to London about ten minutes late. However my friend was still waiting for her car so I made my own way to Greenwich. It was lovely to see her again, and the old town, but the place has so many mixed memories for me. We did the usual walk and had a spot of lunch by the river. They've started restoring the Painted Hall, and the colours are spectacular. We couldn't go in the Queen's House as it is currently closed for a makeover. I hope they will decorate it as it would have been decorated when it was lived in in the Seventeenth Century. The bus journey home was tedious with one traffic jam after another. There was a bad crash on the motorway involving a number of cars and a white van, which was lying on its side. I got home about half an hour late.

The rest of today

I'm feeling much better since I heard from my social worker. I did begin to wonder if I ever would, or that I'd had my lot and that was that. I can start looking forward to tomorrow's trip now. It'll be lovely to see my friend again, as I haven't seen her for ages.
When I get home I'm planning to have a bath and then learn some new pieces while I'm drying off. It'll be pasta again for dinner, and I'll find something in the freezer to go with it.
I don't know what this evening will bring, but I shouldn't be at all surprised if it involves reading and trying to watch a film.

The good old days

The two portraits are of Charles I (with the Duke of York), Oliver Cromwell and Charles II, all by Sir Peter Lely. The first half of the Seventeenth Century is not my favourite historical period, but Liza Picard's book has really got me thinking.
The three regimes of these individuals were in some ways very similar. They were all religious regimes, where the heads of state were either the de facto head of the church, or acted as such. Each of these regimes persecuted dissenters and so-called witches. Each of these rulers was an autocrat, who ruled by the will of God. It was a miserable time for the common man, who was taxed up to the eyeballs to pay for foreign wars. During the commonwealth people weren't even allowed to enjoy themselves in what little free time they had. And Charles II was always after parliament with his begging bowl to raise money for such things as the navy, having already spent his considerable income on his tarts. So much for Christian values.

Earlier on

When I was on my way to the library earlier, I came across the man who runs the historic building where I play. I was glad I did, because it gave me the chance to tell him properly why I will no longer play on Sundays. This week has felt very funny where I haven't played at all. When I think of it I haven't done any practice either, what with my mood. I am feeling a bit better since I got my reply this morning, so I'm hoping to be able to do some practice when I get home.

A result

I've just heard back from my social worker. YAY!!! The poor woman had been overloaded with a load of new referrals. She's going to get in touch with my counsellor to get a proper picture of how I am (part of my condition is that I cannot describe how I am and how I feel. I will describe bits of things and won't be able to think of the rest) and contact me afterwards. That will be such a big help.

Why?

Why do celebrity deaths get suck excessive coverage in the press? Granted, some of these people bring a great deal of enjoyment into people's lives, but let's face it, everyone has to go at some point. The general public didn't know these people. All they know is what the person did in public, and that's not the same thing. I don't understand how people can grieve for a person they didn't know.

Strange

I don't know why but just after I got up I started thinking about the word quite. It's a strange word in that it can have completely contradictory meanings. In one sense it can mean 'entirely' (for example I have quite made up my mind or quite so). Its other meaning is fairly (in other words 'not entirely', for example it's quite a small room). English is a queer language.

Just now

I've been outside for a fag and got thinking as usual. I do some of my best thinking when I've got a fag in my face. I've just sent another email to my social worker. I suspect it's probably more coherent than the one I sent her the other day. This time instead of asking her what she can do, I have told her what I would like and why. Let's see if I get an answer.

This morning

I had the fags and coffee feeling very tired and deep in thought. I've got a day out in London tomorrow which I'm presently not really looking forward to. Still bothered that I haven't had replies to my emails, so I'll follow through today. It's still extremely windy, bright and very cold today, but the wind has changed direction. The sea does look rough. I wanted a bath but I'll have that this afternoon when I haven't got to go out afterwards. I defrosted some bread for toast but couldn't face it. I'll have it later once I get home.

Sleep

I had a bumpy night, turning over many times. I woke up at one point thinking I could hear heavy traffic, but it was the wind. I had a strange dream, that I had just woken up and went to the kitchen in my dressing gown. When I turned round I saw my next-door neighbours all sitting down and expecting a cup of tea. Bizarre. I lay awake for ages before getting up at just gone eight.

Last night

The gales started at teatime. They were ferocious and roared and whistled through the Old Town. I had pasta but made a new sauce to go with it. Afterwards I watched The Titfield Thunderbolt and, finished Liza Picard's book on Georgian London, and started on her book about London in the Restoration period. Bed at eleven.

And finally

The weather has started turning quite evil, and the sea has started going quite wild. I think I'm going to get myself home before it turns any nastier. I still haven't had relies to the emails I sent, and that's started to get on my nerves. When I get home I'm going to raid the freezer. I think it's going to be spaghetti today with some of the sauce I've frozen. Otherwise it'll be an average sort of evening.

Now

I went outside for a fag and that was quite an experience. It was freezing as I stood there deep in thought, when suddenly I was distracted by some commotion round the corner that was getting nearer. I turned round and saw a man lashing out at a woman, shouting something (I couldn't understand what), chasing her into the library, then waiting outside and continuing to shout. The next thing was the librarian on the walky-talky thing to the law. I do feel sorry for those poor librarians, what with all the stuff they have to put up with.
Yesterday afternoon I got talking to another of the librarians. They are looking to get the lowlife banned from the library, and are currently building up a dossier of evidence to help their case. So I told her I shan't be buying a rocket launcher and a harpoon gun after all. A few land mines and a handful of grenades should do the trick.

The weather

Brrr. It's chilly. I've checked the weather forecast and gales are expected later on this evening. I can believe that, as it is possible to predict our weather a few hours beforehand. Cold temperatures and some rain are predicted for next week. I'm not sure whether to believe that. Anything is possible.

Out in the world

There seems to be a regular stream of celebrities who are coming out as gay. So what. It just seems to be another fashion accessory nowadays. I don't care one bit what people do in private, unless they've been involved with organisations that have been prejudiced against it.

Autism stuff

I had hoped that nearly three months after my diagnosis, the support I need would be in place. Some of it is, sort of. I have a 'care navigator' from social services, who I realize must be extremely busy, who I emailed two days ago and who hasn't yet replied. I also emailed a local autism charity at the same time, and they haven't replied either. Perhaps it's outside their remit. This morning I have emailed a national autism charity for advice, but their blurb says it will take them at least three weeks to reply. It just goes to show how woefully underfunded the whole thing is. Also trying to work out who is responsible for what is a very trying.

Earlier on

I got up at eight feeling very tired and still deep in thought. The rain which started last night had stopped by the time I got up, and the day started off bright. It's getting much colder now. I think winter is on the way. I rushed the fags and coffee and made my way up to the library.

Last night

There was quite a racket when I got home just after four, and it went on more or less continuously until nearly seven. I read a bit and then had an early dinner. At five past seven I watched Victoria The Great, a royal melodrama loosely based on fact, and followed it with its sequel Sixty Glorious Years, in a very similar vein. Both films portrayed her majesty as a lovely, sweet lady, when her own words and contemporary accounts show her in quite a different light. It was all very entertaining though. Bed at just after ten.
Sleep wasn't brilliant last night. During the night I lay awake for a long tome, and when I checked the clock it was twenty past three. I had a lot of things going on in my head.

And finally...

I think it really is time to go home. I'm having a dinner mostly from the freezer, namely bangers and chips. No preparation involved, apart from opening a couple of packets. And then it will be back to the usual, but I hope it will be a nice sort of usual for a change.

In the headlines

It has just been reported that one of our national politicians has come out as gay. I'm bloody furious. Some of us came out when things weren't so cosy as they are now. Some of us had to put up with all sorts of discrimination and vilification from his party, the last time they were in power. Some of us were treated like shit by the population at large, and the hostility was stirred up by that government. Some of us had to publicly make a stand against his party the last time they were in power, just for the right to be treated as equal human beings. Where was this cunt? Hiding I suppose, just like so many others. What a coward.

In the meanwhile

I did go home, but no sooner had I arrived I decided to go back out again. A letter was waiting for me from my MP, enclosing a final reply from the health authority to the issue I raised with him last September. It's not the MP's fault. He acted immediately. The health authority, however, took four months to cook up their alibi.
What I already know (and I suspect my MP doesn't know I know) is that local autism services have been consistently underfunded by my MP's government, and that is why there is such a deplorably low level of service. Of course the letter from the health authority doesn't mention that fact.
I am lucky to have such a good, conscientious and hard-working MP. His politics, though, are anathema to me. Politics is a cunt. At the moment our national politicians spend their time wrangling along party lines, and scoring points off each other. I have often wondered if things might be better if the party system were completely abolished. Can you imagine if all our MPs were to spend their time working towards the common good, instead of having party axes to grind? What an inspiring thought!

Social media

I keep receiving recommendations from the company, suggesting people I might want to be 'friends' with. Some of the people are ones I definitely do not wish to know. Dear computer, please leave me alone. If I want to contact someone, I'm more than capable of doing that for myself.

The rest of today

I think I'll go home shortly. I haven't decided what to have for dinner, so I'll have a rummage through the freezer. I don't know if I fancy watching anything later, but I'll certainly read some more of the Liza Picard.

The news

It really is all getting very tedious. The death of a famous entertainer has sent a portion of the world's population into a state of mass hysteria. It's fucking ridiculous. There are far more important things to worry about, for example the terrible abuses of human rights, that daily take place around the globe. Come on everybody. Get a grip on yourselves. It ain't just ridiculous. It's bleedin boring.

Hogarth: Gin Lane (1751)

Here is a depiction of some of the horrors caused by that evil beverage called gin. Cheap gin caused the urban masses to go to rack and ruin. Gin was 'foreign' (Dutch) and therefore bad. Beer was on the other hand British and therefore good (hence Hogarth's accompanying print Beer Street, which shows an orderly scene). I like a drop of gin myself, but I must confess it has never had any of these effects on me.
The church was up in arms about the effects of gin upon people's morality. The government worried about this too, and also about the fact it didn't raise much revenue on it, as most of what was consumed had been produced illegally. It was often distilled with such dangerous ingredients as turpentine, so did pose a major risk to the public health. The government's main concern was as follows. If the poor were too drunk to work properly, then their productivity would fall, thereby impacting on the profits of the business community. The Gin Act was passed in 1751, and this greatly reduced the amount of gin which was sold and consumed. Hogarth's print was influential in the passing of this piece of legislation. But let us not forget that this act was passed for financial reasons, and not in consideration of people's health.

The truth

While I was out I kept on thinking about religion. The very mention of the subject is sure to make my blood boil.
The established religion preaches that it is one of love and compassion. That may in part be truthful today, however history shows us that what it actually practiced and preached were inequality and division. Now another religion from the same family has become active in our midst. It claims to be the religion of peace, when what it actually practices and preaches are hatred and intolerance. It kills people for even the slightest failure to comply with its teachings, just like the churches did once upon a time in this country. And of course religion always plays the victim when its beliefs are challenged or criticised. Surely it is time for a little honesty in the discussion. Let's start by calling things by their proper name.

Just now

I had a fruitful visit to the charity shop and came away with a coat, a blanket and a tie. I'm pleased as punch! I enjoyed the sausage roll, probably because it's such a long while since I had one. It's still fairly bright outside although quite cold. I don't want to lull myself into a false sense of security though, as yesterday started like this but I got soaked on the way home. I do enjoy this weather. It's so much nicer than the dark, wet stuff.

Soon

It'll be time for a fag in a minute, so I think I'll go for a walk down the High Street. First point of call will be one of the charity shops. I have a jacket I want to give them back. It's such a shame, as it's a lovely one, only it's just a bit too small for me. Then it'll be up to the butcher's for one of their nice hot sausage rolls. That should get the brain ticking over again before I return to the library.

A sermon

What does the bible say about religious hypocrites? Well have a read.

https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=9&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwjdwZDSy6bKAhWE2SYKHfYuC5gQFghBMAg&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.openbible.info%2Ftopics%2Freligious_hypocrites&usg=AFQjCNGDKklE0II18pJ37Qx90MauM-9P_Q

Across the centuries

I've just been out for a fag, and noticed how cold it's become. It's bright enough though, but it looks set to deteriorate. While I was there I got thinking about the book I'm reading.
In the Eighteenth Century it was seen as people's own fault if they were poor. That view has prevailed to some extent in the present day. Destitution was seen as a crime, and to some extent still is. In those days people had recourse to cheap gin to soften the blow, which nowadays they don't.
Eighteenth-Century paupers had practically no chance of breaking out of their poverty. That is nowadays less the case, as in the present age everyone has access to education, which was only available to the lucky few a couple of centuries ago. People are better-informed now than they were then.
Pauper boys were often trained up for the navy, and it is interesting that even today there are people who still think that national service should be re-introduced to improve the behaviour of delinquents' (who are coincidentally usually from less-privileged backgrounds). The law is less savage and arbitrary than it was then, but we still hear of people who opine that our present system is too lenient.
Food exists in greater quantity and in greater variety now than it did then, but one's access to it is governed by one's income. Ordinary people have more leisure time than then. They also have leisure items in the home (tellies for example) which they didn't then. Most families don't live in single rooms anymore, although some do.
People then were no more religious then than they are now. They were probably more aware of religious stuff than they are now, but did not subscribe to it. After all the established church preached and practiced inequality. The better-off sat in comfortable pews and galleries while the poor were made to stand in the aisles. Sometimes attendance was enforced on such people as domestic servants and apprentices by their 'masters' but that is as far as it went. And they made sure the opposition were disenfranchised (e.g. Catholics and Jews). It is easy to see why the poor did not attend. In the present day the comfortably-off are still the church's power base.
In the Eighteenth Century there was no income tax. In the Twenty-First Century that remains practically the case for the very richest in our society.
People have better healthcare now than they did then, and life expectancy has increased. In those days the mentally ill were shut up in institutions. So were those who were misunderstood. That is still sometimes the case. Many autistic people of my age, for example, have spent much of their lives drugged up to the eyeballs because their condition hadn't been understood. At least they weren't put on show for the amusement of rich visitors, as they were in the previous age.
That book has certainly got me thinking.

Last night

After finishing the leftovers of the previous day's meal I planned an Anna Neagle night. I eventually managed to finish I Live In Grosvenor Square before giving up. I read some more of Liza Picard's book and turned in around ten. I don't remember waking up during the night, but my bed was in a chaotic state when I got up at ten to eight this morning. I got through the fags and coffee before making my way up to the library.

The rest of today

I'm going to have an early day and make my way home in a minute. I fancy lying down and either having a nap or reading. I'll probably have the remains of yesterday's meal for dinner.
In the news I note that one prominent group of clergymen is calling on the Church of England to repent for the way it has treated gay people. So what. I don't need their acceptance, and frankly don't give a stuff about what they believe. They need more bums on seats to justify their existence. That's what it's really about.
My social media stuff is taking up much less of my time, now that the people I connect with are an accurate reflection of those people I actually know. I read much less irrelevant rubbish nowadays, and stuff from people sounding off about things. Of course I see things that I completely disagree with, but people have every right to express their beliefs. That is called free speech, and anything less would be censorship.

Just now

After another regulation fag on the doorstep and a quick think, here I am again at the computer. It ain't very easy to think at the moment but I've just tried something else. I've sent an email to a local autism charity, asking them if they know of any support that is available. Let's see what happens. I've faced everything on my own up to now, but I know I have reached the point where I could do with a bit of help from the professionals.

The weather

What a change from yesterday! It's bright, sunny and chilly, with a moderate breeze. Lovely! While I was outside having a fag just now I got thinking. Famous celebrity. People writing all sorts of stuff about the said celebrity. It's so boring.

Moods

Very prickly and uncomfortable today. Too much going on in my head. I'm not giving up hope and certainly not being pessimistic. I'm just telling it as it is. I know this is only temporary.

Earlier on

My fags and coffee were accompanied by the infantile din from upstairs. No sign of mum though. I suppose she was still sound asleep. This morning's counseling session was very difficult. I completely let go. The lady gave me some helpful advice which I've acted on, beginning with an email to my social worker. Let's see what happens.

Sleep

It wasn't the best night. I was woken up a couple of times by the kids upstairs, shouting and running around. That was unusual, but it's not the nicest experience. Up at seven, tired.

Last night

As soon as I got home I made a curry, for a change. While it was cooking I read some more of Liza Picard's book on Georgian London. After dinner I watched the remaining episodes of Hammer House Of Horror. Well I did eventually. Bed at half past ten.

And finally

The library came in and spoke to the local scum. They fucked around for a bit and then left, so here I am. Now it's off to the foreign supermarket and then home. I can't really plan for later.

Now

Invasion of the lowlife. Crap. I'm off now.

In the meanwhile

The weather looks like it's about to blow up nasty. It's very dark and wet, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if we're in for another downpour or two. I went to the charity shops and bought a pair of jeans and a lovely waistcoat for a quid each. Afterwards I went and got the keyboard moved.
I think my blood pressure might be up. I had a funny pinching sensation in the index finger of my left hand, and now it's a bit bluish and puffed up. I've had it before, and always in my hands. It's a little bit sore and very boring indeed.

A useful product

I wonder if this stuff works. I wonder where you can buy it from. If it does work I'll order myself a few crates of it.

Today

I've got a rather uneventful day today. All I need to do is to move my keyboard and stand back from the pub. I want to try and do some more practice this week. I left my Scarlatti scores at the historic building but have some of them in other editions. I think it's time to add a few more of the sonatas to my repertoire. They are so satisfying to play.

Now

I was feeling wildly extravagant and quite hungry, so I went down the High Street for a plastic hamburger. Having got back to the library, two English people, all covered in boils and blains and trying to sound as if they are West Indian, are having a blazing row! It's hilarious. Do they honestly believe themselves to be West Indian or do they think it's somehow smart to sound like that? In either case they are losers. A pair of wankers. What a life. You certainly see it all round here.

The news

The death of a famous entertainer is being widely reported this morning. Funny. I don't think I knew him. I don't feel any different to how I did earlier on.

A musical interlude

I've decided that I won't play on Sundays at the historic building. I've had enough of the character that won't stop talking. I hear voices so think we have visitors, so I sit there playing and playing, and waiting for them to appear. Of course they don't. I'm also sick and tired of the absolute shit he comes out with. It has reached the point where I am going to explode, so it's time to stop. I can't cope with all that noise when I've got more noise to cope with once I get home. Enough.

Sunday

I felt quite tired and preoccupied while I was pondering over the fags and coffee. It was very dark and raining when I got up, but it brightened up a little by the time I left for the historic building. I had a really horrible experience before I started playing, and I'll come back to that at some future date once I've got my head around what happened. I played well but our visitors weren't remotely interested in the music.
After shifting all my gear back home I lay down for a rest, but there was no chance of that. The noise from upstairs was appalling, so I started reading Liza Picard's book about London in the middle of the eighteenth century. I love social history.
After dinner I moved all my kit to the pub. It had been quiet there all day. Two people came in and stayed for a while. After they left I spent some time trying to play things that I used to play. I remembered the first section of Schumann's Aufschwung and didn't make a bad fist of it. Afterwards I had another half pint and nattered to the barman. I left early and went to a birthday celebration round the corner, a family event. Then it was home for a bit of cake, half a pint of cider and Laurel and Hardy. Bed at half past eleven.

Saturday night

I cooked pasta for dinner and the sauce wasn't bad at all. Afterwards I settled down to Hammer House Of Horror until the usual shit from upstairs started. An hour and a half later I continued watching the dvd. In the meanwhile I finished Liza Picard's book. I had a restless night, judging by the state of my bed when I woke up on Sunday morning, but don't remember anything about it.

The rest of today

The weather looks like it's about to turn nasty so I'll go home shortly. I'll freeze the remains of yesterday's dinner and cook something new. I hope tonight will be nice and quiet.

Since this morning

We did have visitors at the historic building, but they were in and out in the space of minutes. I don't think they were particularly interested in the place. In fact I think they came in just to get out of the cold. I played three of the Scarlatti sonatas and played them confidently and stylishly, albeit with a few bum notes. I did a bit of work on a fourth too. We closed a bit early today.

Now

The weather is still gloomy although I think (rather I hope) the rain has stopped. It's time for me to look lively, take a deep breath and put my best foot forward, although not necessarily in that order. It's orf we go!

In general

I've been thinking about my family lately, you know, the ones I'm biologically related to. They are the most appalling bunch of specimens imaginable, and I don't know what I did to get landed with them. I've dealt with all the memories by now, but what I haven't done so well with is dealing with how I felt. Never mind. That's something I still need to work on.

This morning

My mood is quite trying today. I know what that's about though. The noise from upstairs puts me on edge. It's very difficult to relax afterwards.
The historic building will be open again today, and while I was on the fags and coffee I went through the pieces I'm going to play later on. I'll need to move my keyboard in a little while. Groan. But I'm looking forward to playing again.

Sleep and that

I think I slept soundly last night, because my bed was still in one piece when I woke up at seven this morning. I remember turning over and deep in thought a few times during the night, but I don't remember staying awake. This morning started off very dark and rainy, but it has brightened up a bit in the meanwhile.

The rest of yesterday

I started cooking as soon as I got in, and an hour and a half later it was ready. I didn't really enjoy my meal but ate what I'd dished up. Afterwards I settled down to some more episodes of Hammer House Of Horror. At about ten past seven the people upstairs kicked off; screaming, laughing, banging, shrieking. And that was just the adults. I switched off the film for the hour or so that it went on, then watched the rest of the dvd. Bed at ten.

Later on

I feel like cooking so I'm going to make a couple of curries. While they are on I'll read a bit more of the Liza Picard. I don't feel like practicing today. After dinner I expect it'll be the same as usual. I hope Her Ladyship will be neither seen nor heard.

In the meanwhile

I've had an 'interesting' day. The bus trundled along, stopping at change drivers a little way down. Then the bus stopped again while the driver tried to fix the ticket machine. By the time we arrived in the next town I had missed my connection so took a taxi. Then it went downhill. My appointment was in a building next to a large supermarket. He took me to the wrong one. It wasn't the driver's fault. I hadn't realized that supermarket had two large branches in the area. I got to the appointment with twenty minutes to spare, having paid two taxi fares.
The place I went to doesn't provide the services I need, so they are writing to my doctor to get him to sort out the things I need. However I will go back there to see one of the consultants who has a professional knowledge of autism.
Afterwards I walked quite a long way to get back into town and bussed it to my next destination. The coffee, fags and a chat were nice. The lady thinks she will have another booking for me tomorrow.

Peace and quiet

Madam acted up again last night. Shrieks, screams any hysterical laughter. No, I'm not only talking about the toddler. I'm beginning to wonder if the dozy old bag really has been any quieter lately. After all I have been quite deaf and it's only in the last couple of days that my ears have started to clear.

Today

While I was on the fags and coffee I watched Venus rise together with the new moon. It's a cold, bright morning. Lovely. So much nicer than all the dark and wet we've been having lately. I've been deep in thought all morning, as I have another assessment at lunchtime. I need to take two buses to get there so I'm going to leave shortly. I don't mind being early. I just need to be sure that I won't be late. After that I'm going to see a lady I played for recently.

Last night

When I got home I did a bit of practice and then read some more of the Liza Picard book. After dinner I settled down to some Richard Attenborough films starting with Brothers In Law. That was mildly amusing and very entertaining. Afterwards I watched The Man Upstairs, which I really enjoyed. It's a very intense film about a man who has had a breakdown. Bed at half past nine. I had a restless sort of night and got up at five.

The rest of today

Looking out of the library window I can see the odd patch of hazy blue sky. It looks like it's brightening up just in time for nightfall. My mood is much lighter now, and I'm thinking ahead to dinner. I think I'll have a frozen steak & kidney pudden today. After all it is the right sort of weather for that. I expect I'll finish the evening watching dvds and/or reading as usual.

Since earlier

The talking session went really well. I'm pleased with the way they are going. It's nice to think that I can help someone who is in the same position as I was all those years ago. Meanwhile the bus company and the travel agent have got my ticket sorted out, so I shall be setting off next weekend after all. The weather continues bleedin orrible and dark. It's not raining so much now but it's got a lot windier.

Nowabouts

Another email from the bus company, and they have said they will talk to the travel agent. Their records must be a little antiquated though, as they asked me to provide the phone number. Of course I didn't know the soddin number but it took me all of two seconds to find it online.
Very shortly I shall be going for my lunchtime talk. I feel quite tense but I'll have to deal with it.

Now

The bus company have replied to my email, but I do wish they had read what it said. They are asking me for details of the things which I have already told them are with the travel agents. If this starts going round and round in circles I won't bother with it anymore and just stay at home next weekend.

This morning

When I got to the computer I found an email from the bus company, saying that the details of my discounted travel card 'don't match', so my travel ticket for next week is invalid. So I went home, picked up my ticket and went straight up to the booking agents where I'd bought both the ticket and the travel card. As was to be expected the person who deals with the tickets won't be there until this afternoon. I've left the ticket and travel card with them, and will go back this afternoon to collect. The email gave a phone number to call (premium rate of course), so I've emailed the company in the meanwhile. Fucking phones again. They're a tyranny. This last minute out of the blue stuff is exactly the sort of thing I find very difficult to cope with. Cunts.

Sleep etc

I slept soundly last night but woke up a few times. As it got later I woke up more and more frequently. I got up at seven, deep in thought. My mind was full of poisonous pixies, malevolent gnomes and trolls, who have often featured in my life. But not now I hasten to add. I took my time with the fags and coffee before coming to the library.

Last night

I didn't fancy doing any practice when I got back from the library, so I read some more of the Liza Picard instead. Dinner was ok. Afterwards I sat down to Hammer House of Horror and turned in at half past nine.
Upstairs have been unnaturally quiet lately, and the kid has been going to bed at a reasonable time. I wonder what she's up to.

Later on

Earlier on the lowlife were duly seen off the premises. I do feel sorry for the library staff who have to deal with this every day. So having done my bits on the computer I shall head off home shortly. I've just been outside for a fag and the weather is lovely.
Dinner will be simple with things I've rescued from the freezer, but they're nice things. I expect I'm going to enjoy my meal. The rest of the day is likely to continue exactly as normal.

In the meanwhile

I splashed my way home through the pouring rain and decided I needed a proper lunch. I had a brainstorm and had a fried egg on toast. I'd long forgotten the delights of that particular dish. Then it was on to the workhouse. Dreary. When I left there was a blue sky with fluffy grey clouds and sunshine, and large pools of surface water on the ground. Now I'm back at the library again.
I've just remembered something I read yesterday, quoted from a Victorian gardening manual. The best way to deal with cats, apparently, was to bait them with either raw or cooked meat which had been rubbed with arsenic. What a good idea! The arrival in the library of the local scum made me remember that item. I wonder why.

And another kind word

This is what another kind visitor wrote about my playing:

The entrance fee was reasonable, the house was marvellous, the staff exceptionally nice ... A great place to visit. As we toured the house I could hear harpsichord music playing. Imagine my surprise when we went upstairs to find a gentleman actually sat there playing a harpsichord ! What a fantastic authentic touch which gave you a feel for the period. The gent playing was a mine of information regarding Tudor music.

A kind word

The following is what a visitor from the Continent write about the historic building where I play:

Don’t expect to much of this house. It is a small place but you only pay 1,50 for the privilege. The house isn’t much bigger than a small family house. But voulenteers are greet. They have a great Knowles of the history of the house. There is a volunteer that plays on a keyboard and tells you a lott about the old the piano players and there techniques. The house isn’t big but with the interesting history of the house told by well informed volunteers together with the keyboard player playing the old masters it is a nice place to visit.

Shortly

After feeling grotty first thing, I'm feeling even better than I did yesterday. That's the thing with colds. They're always worst first thing in the morning. It's off home now for a bit of toast. I don't want to go to my appointment on an empty stomach. I'm not looking forward to leaving though, as it's still pelting down with rain.

Now

I got to the library nice and early so I could dig myself in at one of the 'quiet' seats in the library. It wasn't all that quiet just now though when someone had a computer tutorial. I've just changed my profile pictures to the great man himself (Domenico Scarlatti) and the Palacio Real in Madrid before it was enlarged. This is the palace he worked in.

The weather

Today started much better than yesterday. It had stopped raining and the sky appeared to be clearing. However it's all gone downhill since I got to the library. Now it's dark clouds, rain and brollies. The weather is quite in keeping with my day. I've got some paperwork to sort out this morning followed by a visit to the workhouse at lunchtime. It's boring really.

A musical interlude

When I got home yesterday I did do some practice. I'm working mainly on Scarlatti at the moment. It strikes me how individual and varied the each of sonatas are. Take K208 and K209 in A for example; the former is contemplative and guitar-like, and the latter brash and trumpetty. K213 in d minor is also reflective and sounds like someone sitting outside one evening and playing a mandolin. I've started work on K261 and K262, both in the (then) rare key of B major. I've always found it a strange key to play in. The hands assume odd shapes and I find it a difficult key to read. K262 is by turns quirky and crunchy. I don't know K261 very well and haven't yet ascertained its true character. Each of the sonatas concentrates on a particular aspect of technique. Each of them exudes the flavor of Old Spain. The more I study them, the more of a revelation they become. It has taken me until my present advanced age to begin to learn their true characters.

Last night

I had an early dinner then sat back to watch The Yellow Balloon, a marvellous British film noir. The loud music started at half past six, so I switched off the film, but it only went on for ten minutes. It completely put me off the film, so I read another few chapters of Liza Picard's book about Victorian London. Afterwards I resumed the film but couldn't get back into it, so off it went again. Bed at half past nine.
I slept very badly, and woke up frequently during bad dreams. I got up during the night to pick up all the bedding off the floor and make the bed. I flew out of bed with the horrors at a quarter past seven.
This morning was the usual fags and coffee.

Soon

It''l be time for me to toddle off home. I want to do some practice before Lady Muck and her offspring get home. Dinner is already sorted. All I need to do is some rice and some vegetables. Then this evening? Well that depends, as usual.

Thoughts

I've just been outside for a fag, and realised how much better I feel today. Both ears are completely unblocked and I can breathe through my nose. Perhaps that's why my mood has improved.
While I was outside I started thinking about the horror that is the Middle East. It is run by regimes that seem hell-bent on brutalising and mistreating their own citizens. Of course the monster behind it all is religion. Religion teaches people to blindly obey, whether or not the things they obey are right. It's the same sought of blind obedience that allowed the likes of Hitler to do all the terrible things he is remembered for. Religion also preaches that people should obey those in authority. In Victorian times religion used to instruct the long-suffering poor to show deference to their 'betters'. That's the same thing really. Religion is immoral. It keeps people oppressed. And it serves itself. No wonder it fears the education of the common man.

In the meanwhile

I wandered off up the High Street, had a bite to eat and looked round the charity shop. Then back to the library, where one of the 'quiet' seats had become free, so I was on it like a shot.
I've just been reading a newspaper account of a steamship accident in the 1840s. I knew of the accident from a report of the coroner's inquest, but not the details. My ancestor was the engineer on the ship which collided with the steamer, and he gave evidence at the inquest. I've just found a painting of the steamer, and a lovely-looking thing it was too. I've also just learned the sad news that three people were killed in the accident.

Now

Blah blah blah blah blah....

I't getting just a bit to difficult to concentrate, so I'll go for a wander down the high street. The good news though is that the lowlife haven't shown up (yet).

Earlier on

I walked through the pouring rain to my counseling session and arrived there completely wet through and dripping. The session went well, as my mood is the best it's been for a while. On the way there I bough some electricity to get me through the week. I also bought my bus ticket to get me to Greenwich in a couple of weekends' time. I feel better for having got it, as I'd been putting it off for weeks.

The weather

It started raining yesterday afternoon. It continued to rain during the night, and it's only just stopped raining. The sky is still very dark so I suppose we've got a lot more rain to look forward to. First thing this morning the sky went a horrible colour, the one that really upsets me, mushroom-coloured with a dull glow. I have realised why it bothers me. Just before I have a fit I get an odd sensation in my arms and face. At the same time the light goes very strange. That strange light is very similar to the one that upsets me. I'd never made the connection before.

Last night

I cooked and enjoyed what I'd made. That's just as well, cos I'm having the rest of it tonight. I listened to some more of madam's 'music' while I ate, but mercifully it only went on for about twenty minutes. I watched a couple of family history programmes and turned in at about nine. I woke up briefly a few times during the night, but woke up at seven when the alarm rang.

Later on

When I get home I'm going to cook one of my curries. I'm definitely feeling a bit better this afternoon, and don't feel the need to lie down. I don't know what I'll do later, but I would like to watch a film if I can. Last night I enjoyed Laughter In Paradise when I got back from the pub. I love that sort of comedy best of all; witty, intelligent and there's nothing spiteful in it.

In the meanwhile

I went home and had lunch, and then went to collect the keyboard. I'm glad that's over and done with. When I got back afterwards I saw the woman from the tenants' association. She didn't ask me about her lovely tenant so I didn't say anything. It'll keep. In fact I think It might even get better with age. So here I am back at the library, where I found a message from the person I'm supposed to meet later, saying that they now have other commitments, and that we'll now have to postpone. It does my head in. When I make an agreement with someone I feel duty-bound to honour it. Besides I need to know what I'm doing so that I can be sure of doing it. Uncertainty is very difficult to cope with.

A new depth of depravity

Last month I was concerned about the fate of some young persons who, after decidedly dodgy trials and the alleged use of torture, were sentenced to death for terrorism in a country to which we are allied. I was concerned that our government would take no action to prevent these executions. I was concerned that that country would wait for things to quieten down before executing them. I was right on all counts. We have a government of hypocrites. We have declared war on other countries for less. So much for our defending human rights. It's a lie. We only do it when it suits.

The weather

It was quite foul all weekend, very windy and with a fair bit of rain. Yesterday was particularly grim with lots of persistent rain and a horrible light-grey sky. Luckily the rain had stopped before I needed to get my keyboard to the pub. Today it's drier and brighter, although a bit on the cool side. We haven't really had a proper winter yet. It's more like a prolonged bum-end of autumn. A bit of cold, bright and dry would suit me.

Another musical interlude

I have managed to do a little practice, no more than fifteen minutes a day, but it has produced results. Of the new pieces I am learning, three each of the Scarlatti and Soler sonatas are ready to include in my recitals. Another of the Scarlatti and two others by Soler are nearly there. Apart from that three of the Forqueray pieces are ready, and another couple of pieces are nearly ready. It'll be lovely to play the pieces I really like, but to have the Elizabethan pieces on standby.

This week

I've got quite a few things to do this week. This afternoon I need to get my keyboard back home, and move it to the historic building on Saturday. Tomorrow is the usual counselling session. Then on Wednesday I need to call in at the workhouse. On Thursday I've got my every-other-Thursday talking session, and on Friday I've got my assessment with the community mental health people. I'm Playing both days of next weekend. Apart from that I'm not really doing very much.

A musical interlude

Here I use the word 'music' very loosely. I can think of several other nouns, all of which would be much more suitable, but common decency prevents me from using.
I've been quite deaf, and that has brought me the bonus of making the noise upstairs seem more distant and muffled. It hasn't given me any protection from the music though. Appalling. It seems to fall into the following two categories:

1) the stuff that sounds like a washing machine going round

2) Tunes on three or four notes. They are very repetitive, and only occasionally are other notes introduces. The notes are generally out of tune with each other, and sound as if they have been computer-generated. The percussion is out of step with both itself and the singer.

And it's definitely getting louder lately, to the point where it is majorly disruptive to my life. I can't wait to move. And I will make sure that Uncle Tom Cobbly and all know why I am moving.

Dahn the boozer

Yesterday was pretty dire. Apparently there had only been two customers all afternoon, and they were spouses of some of the band who played before me.
A group of four people came in just after I started. They stayed for about an hour but weren't interested in my stuff. I stopped after they left but resumed later on when some other people came in.
Something odd happened later in the evening when someone I used to know socially came in to say hello. It's funny because I saw them a few weeks ago and they blanked me. Still later on the two people from the new pub dropped in and had a drink. I think they wanted to talk, but couldn't because it was so quiet. One of them has asked me to meet him this evening. He's never asked me out socially so I'm keeping me fingers crossed.

The weekend

I've been quite groggy over the weekend and spent most of it under covers on the sofa. I had a couple of DVDs on, but can't remember what I watched. I went to bed at half past nine and didn't wake up until eight the next morning.
I read several more chapters of the Lisa Picard book on Victorian London, had dinner in the evening and went to play at the pub. Bed at just gone eleven and up at six this morning.

And finally...

I've just been out for a fag and got thinking about the weather. It's been very windy for the past couple of days, with some very strong gusts during the night. The days are getting noticeably longer, although it's been quite dark all afternoon. Outside was congregated the usual bunch of lowlife. They think themselves gangstas, but wankers would be a more appropriate word. I bet the police must be sick and tired of them though. I'll be off home in a minute to lie down and have a read.

In the meanwhile

I went home for lunch, and then read chapter one of Lisa Picard's book about Victorian London. I've lost count of the number of times I've read it, yet it's still engaging every time I read it. Then the eyeballs started to droop and the next thing it was an hour later. I must have needed it. I must try and remember to buy some leg-irons for the kid upstairs.

Now

I'm starting to feel much better in myself, although the ear is just the same. I think it's to do with mornings. Mornings are always worst when you've got a cold. I feel that I could spend hours at the computer if I wanted to, but I am tired so it's orf home for me shortly. I'll try and read a bit when I get back, and hope I'll be able to nod off from time to time. Now that my mouth isn't so sore I'll have the last portion of curry from the freezer for dinner. I can't really plan for tonight. It all depends...

A new year

'Out with the old, in with the new'. I've finally understood what this is really about. I'd always assumed it referred to everything, at which point I remembered 'If it ain't broke don't fix it'. It doesn't. It's selective. It's about discarding things from one's life that aren't helpful or aren't needed. Yep. Got it now!

Thoughts

I'm going to take things very easy today. When I get home I shall get all the things I need around me and flop down on the sofa. I really want to stay there. I should be practicing new pieces for the historic building and the pub, but I'm not really up to it. That's bothering me a bit. The pub will be quite an ordeal tomorrow evening. I'd really like to cancel but I need the pennies.

In the news

I was horrified, but not at all surprised, to read that our main ally in the middle east executed an alarmingly high number of people during last year. Their judicial system is intolerant, inflexible and totally inconsistent. Why I am not surprised is that history teaches us that such brutality always occurs when religion is the government. Our government is rightly outraged over human rights abuses in other countries. That is sheer hypocrisy, when it does not acknowledge that such abuses are widespread in this nasty little ally. This is just another example of bronze-age morality of the Leviticus sort.

Since last night

I slept quite well again. I was awake for a while around half past three, and only remember waking up a couple of times afterwards. Up at eight this morning feeling groggy, and took an hour and a half to get through a bug of coffee. When I left home at half past nine the people upstairs still weren't up. It's very tempting to start playing loud organ music after about 8am, but that will just have to remain a fantasy. I won't drag myself down to their level. Besides they ain't worth it. I wouldn't really enjoy it anyway.

How am I?

I had started to feel a bit better but felt myself going downhill during yesterday afternoon. I've become quite deaf in my right ear but I don't intend to do anything about it yet. The people upstairs sounded quite distant. Unfortunately the sound of the kid running around didn't. But that at least is an improvement. I can see what has happened. On Wednesday night I got cold and soaked when I went outside to escape from the noise. Yesterday I got very cold waiting for the bus. I'm going to make sure I keep myself nice and warm for a while.

Yesterday

I had such a good sleep on New Year's Eve, after a lovely evening. I was a bit groggy when I woke up, but it wasn't too long before I felt myself starting to pull round. I went to the top of the village to wait for a bus home, and I waited and waited. I waited for an hour and twenty minutes for the half-hourly service, but there were no buses in either direction. I was very embarrassed to turn up on my friend's doorstep, but he drove me back. I really didn't want to impose myself in that way.
When I got home I lay under a blanket on the sofa and read some more of the Walford. After a simple meal I watched some more of the Stanley Baxter programmes followed by Attenborough's The Private Life Of Plants. I soon had to turn that off for the usual reason. Bed at nine.