In the news

I have for a very long time maintained that there is no real difference between the political parties. Again it has come to pass, but this time with the Labour Party. Now we have a bunch of politicians drying to depose their leader; the very same one that had not all that long ago been elected by the majority of party members. The contempt for democracy that politicians of whatever persuasion appear to show, calls to mind a little ditty that was published in London in 1725. It describes the rivalry between two composers and their respective opera companies:

Some say next to Bononcini

Mineherr Handel's but a ninny.

Others aver that he to Handel

Is scarcely fit to hold a candle.

Strange all this difference should be

'Twixt Tweedledum and Tweedledee. 

Needless to say, Handel wasn't best pleased by this poem. In fact he got the right hump about it.

Today

We've had some really lovely spells of weather this summer, but they seem to be getting fewer and farther between. I think I'm going to spend today at home. I really need a bit of quiet, and the chance to be able to think in peace. I want to be somewhere where I haven't got to have anything to do with people. I seem to be very busy these days, but I've got nothing on for today. I really should try and make the most of it.

Them upstairs

They certainly are having their moments, although the episodes don't go on for very long. They have been loud though, and the banging noises are so loud they make my ceiling shake, and I can feel the sound in my arms and chest. And then there's that horrible child, who seems destined to grow up into someone equally as horrible as its parents.

The weekend

I'm going to meet my friend this weekend. I should be looking forward to it, bit I'm not really. Yesterday I really felt that I wanted to cancel it, but spent the afternoon struggling with the knowledge that it would have been wrong of me. So here I am, bracing myself as best I can for the eventuality.

National politics

The electorate is a cunt.

Thinking

It matters very much to me how people are treated. One thing I cannot bear is injustice. Lately I find myself wondering why I think as I do. I think of how most people have been to me. I think of how I have seen some people treating others. I think of the 'average man's' recent behaviour at the ballot box. The winners won by only the smallest of margins, so the result was hardly decisive. The result was nothing more than a declaration of intolerance, and an expression of 'What's in it for me?' The people whose treatment I care so much about don't really deserve that consideration, when I think about it. I shouldn't really give a stuff, but the truth is that I do.

The rest of today

I'll take myself to the historic building in a moment. After I've had a look round the garden, I want to get all my things set up in the room I usually play in. After that I have a little bit of free time before I go to the allotment. After the music and maths I need to get myself home, as I have an appointment early tomorrow morning.

Since last night

I slept soundly and woke up at half past six. I took my time with the fags and coffee, and made my way to the nine o'clock appointment. That went well, and we got a lot done. I'm finally trying to feel optimistic. Then it was up to the library.

Yesterday

The rest of the day was very ordinary. The dinner was ordinary too. Afterwards my listening included Bach's concertos for two harpsichords, disc 1 of Mendelssohn's oratorio Paulus, and Beethoven's ninth symphony. Bed at half past nine.

Since earlier

I've just been on the long haul to the funny farm, and all for nothing. The person I'd gone to see hadn't put my appointment on the computer, and was off on holiday. I'm to await another appointment. Oh well, what can I say? This is pretty much symptomatic of the way that things have been for me. I have much more confidence in the woman I'm seeing in the morning.

The news

I'm still reeling from the result of last Friday's referendum. Since then, the mood of the country has been very ugly (if the news reports are to be believed). The truth is that European law prevents the common man from behaving like a savage, and gives him a legal obligation to treat others properly. The face of the country that we see now is that of the savage. We're seeing people as they really are, rather than how they pretended to be (or rather, how they were compelled to be).

The rest of the day

I am feeling a bit peckish, so I'll go home for a snack, and get some things ready for dinner. Then it's going to be bus journeys and a walk to my appointment. That'll take up most of the afternoon. This evening will be more of the usual.
I've been listening to Gluck lately; Orphee et Eurydice and Iphigenie en Aulide. It's really very good stuff. The orchestration is interesting, and Gluck writes a very good tune.

My week

I have an eventful week ahead. This afternoon I'm orf to the funny farm for a routine appointment. Tomorrow I'm meeting my support lady, who is going to help me set things in motion. Afterwards it's down to the historic building, to move all my stuff back to the room where I usually play. Then in the evening it's all fun with the pianofort' and some sums. On Wednesday I have my last appointment at workhouse no.2. Then I'm out for a day trip to Greenwich, to meet a close friend.

Today

I woke up feeling groggy and with the hump. Coffee and fags out of the way, I took myself up to the library. Then it was down to the workhouse. The woman I saw last week was there, and she put my mind at rest. At last people are beginning to hear what I have tried so hard to tell them. I can't even begin to tell you what a relief it is, to have people who are fighting for me, and who understand what my life is like.

A thought

Once again good old Nye was right.

The weekend

Saturday at the historic building started off cheerful enough, but we had the most almighty thunderstorms and torrential rain all afternoon. The Old Town was deserted, so we had hardly any visitors. I did the talk on nursery rhymes to a group of four adults and two kids, and they said they enjoyed it. I played my recital to two volunteers and two visitors, but that was better than nothing.
Sunday was dire too, but I don't remember what the weather was like. We had visitors, but most of them weren't interested in my stuff. I go home feeling tired and very deflated.

Today

I had a rough night's sleep, and got up at half past four this morning. I feel gloomy, despite the beautiful weather.
I've got my big day today. This afternoon I'm giving a little history talk about folklore. Then an hour later I'm giving a concert. I do hope someone comes to see me this time. I hope I can keep my eyes open that long.
After the event, we volunteers are going to have a barbecue in the garden.

Today

I'm not up to writing today. I am too upset, and heartily sickened by this morning's news. So the Prime Minister is going. So fucking what. All we are going to get is more of the same, but probably even worse.
This government has done as much harm to the country as Hitler did, but without the deployment of a single missile.
The danger of democracy is that extremists can use it to obtain a position of power. Another danger is that the fate of a country can be decided by an uneducated (although they went to school) and ignorant electorate, who are not in possession of the facts (they mistake the hysterical stuff in the tabloids for facts), and therefore in no position to make an informed decision. Last night's result was a victory for extremism.
There is a lot to be said for co-operation, both between people and between nations. No parliament is perfect, not even the European one, but it has repeatedly demonstrated that it is trying to work for the common good of all European citizens.
Now we have once again become as island nation, isolationist and alone, and with no protection from the machinations of unscrupulous government.

Today

I went and voted. I am really worried about the final result, as I have never yet voted for the thing that won. I suppose we'll just have to see how the moron community votes.
I'm busy at the historic building today and tomorrow. I shall go through my recital, and help in the general preparations for Saturday's thing. Then later on this afternoon, my support worker and I are meeting the Parish representative. I don't know what to expect from that, but I hope the outcome will be good.

Them upstairs

They had their windows open, so yesterday was particularly nasty. The brat kept on shouting out of the window at passers-by, while the 'responsible' adults took no notice. There was loud music too, from time to time. It was still going on when I went to bed.

Since last night

I woke up many times during the night, and when I was awake I listened to the heavy rain. Once or twice I saw the lightening too. Up at eight this morning, then it was the usual fags and coffee and that.

Yesterday

I had an appalling time at the historic building, so I used the time to work on the Rameau pieces and Handel's g minor suite. Then it was home and a rather tedious rest of the day. I put on Whatever Happened To Baby Jane?, but couldn't be bothered to watch it. Bed at a quarter past nine.

The weather

We didn't half have some weather yesterday! As I looked out of my front-room window at about 8.30pm, I watched the approach of a weather front. It gradually got nearer and nearer, and so did the thunder and lightening. Just before it reached my house, there was the most torrential downpour. Heavy rain continued all through the night, and it was still raining first thing this morning. I hope I'm not speaking too soon, when I say that the sky seems to be improving.

Good news

Yesterday I got talking to someone about my camera, and it's likely that only the memory card needs replacing, and not the camera. It looks like I'll be able to take pictures after all, when I go to London and when I go away for a few days.

Today

I got up at half past seven, feeling feeling drowsy and tired after a night of rotten dreams. Fags and coffee by the balcony, looking at the plants, and up to the library just after nine. I shall be harpsichording in a little while, so I think I'll take myself to the garden and sit there for a bit. The weather is overcast and mild, but it seems to be trying to get a bit brighter.

Yesterday

I did a lot of listening yesterday; Rameau's La Princesse de Navarre, the remaining two discs of Hippolyte et Aricie, The last disc of Gluck's Alceste, and Mozart piano concertos nos 8, 22 and 23. Pasta for dinner while watching Dads Army. The bastards upstairs kicked off at twenty past eight, and it was really terrible for about half an hour. Bed at eleven.

In the news

We have an important referendum coming up next week. I have some serious concerns about it.

1) We joined the then Common Market as the result of democracy (well, as near to democratic as this country gets). The government was elected on the ticket of taking us into Europe. This referendum is therefore un-necessary and divisive. It is a terrible waste of money in these times of austerity. All it does is to draw attention away from this government's appalling policies.

2) People who have absolutely no understanding of the implications of 'staying' or 'leaving' will be allowed to vote. I think it highly dangerous that many people are going to vote, based on nothing more than the hysterical rubbish that they have read in the tabloids.

3) Europe has been a power for good in this country. Without Europe I believe we would not have the equality laws that we now have. Europe has also been an effective check on governments that repress their own people. Leaving Europe would leave people vulnerable to a government that could wield uncontrolled authority.

All this has led me to question my own belief in the right of free speech, and in the right to vote. It might make more sense if everybody were made to demonstrate their understanding of what they are voting for, before they are allowed to vote. The implications are all very frightening.

The rest of today

I've just finished my last appointment, so that will free up my Tuesday mornings. It is still very warm, but the sky is still very overcast. I'm feeling quite bored, so I think I'll take myself home for the day. It'll probably be pasta for dinner, as it was curry yesterday. Then it'll be time for some music.

In the news?

Another inspirational item on social media concerns a man who raises money to buy wheelchairs for disabled dogs. WHAT!!!!! One wonders if he is equally compassionate when it comes to distressed human beings. Stories like this do my head in.

How am I?

I'm feeling quite down lately. This is how my life has been; one period of depression, then I start to come out of it, only to slide into another.  I must try and find a way of better coping with it.
I have a meeting with someone from the Parish in a couple of days, and that has been on my mind. My support worker will be there. She was the one who arranged the meeting, so I hope some good will come out of it. It will be a major breakthrough if the Parish at least acknowledge the difficulties I face daily, rather than refusing to accept that they exist.
Then next week I have an appointment with the barmy farm. They will just want to know how I am, and to see how I'm getting on with the tablets. I only hope I'll be able to find the right words to express what I want to say. It's all well and good putting my thoughts into writing, as I am doing now. I dearly wish that I could express myself as succinctly with my mouth, as I can with my hands.

This morning

Now I'm at the library. Shortly I've got my last appointment with the autism man. I'm not sure quite how much benefit I've got from the sessions. He hasn't really told me anything I didn't know already, and I haven't got enough imagination to distance myself from unwanted thoughts. What I have learned, though, is to try and accept how I am, and not duff myself up about it.

Since last night

I slept throughout but had some very unwelcome dreams, mostly involving people who have been in my life but would rather forget about. I was awake just before seven this morning, and got up soon after.
I feel very tired this morning. The weather started warm and sunny, but it has gradually clouded over since then. I had the fags and coffee at the balcony, and looked at the plants that are just coming into flower. When I eventually found the energy to go out, I took myself to the historic building. The lilies have started to flower, and I wanted to take a photo of them. It was not to be. My camera decided to pack up. I shan't get it repaired, as a new one will cost about the same as getting it mended. It'll have to wait though. It's not the most important.

The rest of yesterday

I did my talk for two groups of French kids. Their English was brilliant. They were apparently from a private bilingual school, so I didn't need to used any French after all.
When I got home in the evening I finished the remains of the previous day's curry. My listening comprised disc 39 of the Bach cantatas, one disc (of 3) of Rameau's Hippolyte et Aricie, and two discs (of 3) of Gluck's Alceste. Bed at gone eleven.

Words of wisdom

Yes, I get the point, but that's politicians for you.

How am I

I currently feel very bored with life. I think that's why I spend my evenings playing card games on the computer. I think my forthcoming short break will do me good. I'm feeling very quiet lately, but I do hope I snap out of it by then.

This morning

It has been raining all morning. Early on I played for a group of adult students. Afterwards I went and bought a coach ticket for a day trip to London. I fucking hate London. Later on this afternoon I'll be doing my workshop thing for some European students, so I've been rehearsing my French.

Sunday

I had a very dull Sunday, and the weather was correspondingly dull. I also had a dull day at the historic building, but got working in earnest on some new pieces. Curry for dinner for a change, and bed at half past nine.

This weekend

I've got my usual round of harpsichording this weekend, so I'm dolled up to the nines. I do hop it'll be a good weekend for me. Before I start today, I need to go and get a coach ticket. In a few weeks time I'm off for a few days' holiday with my best friend. I need to return one day earlier than them, hence the ticket.
It has been warm all morning, but the sky is finally starting to brighten up.

Sleep and that

I woke up a couple of times during the night, and had the strangest dreams, and they were quite disturbing too.
Up at half past seven this morning. I could see that it had been raining during the night, and that put my mind at rest. I don't have to worry about watering the historic building's garden. It took me a while to come round properly. I did some ironing, then it was bath, shave and up to the library. I had a brilliant email this morning. The lady I saw a couple of weeks ago has arranged for both of us to meet a Parish representative. She doesn't think that the Parish is treating me appropriately. She knows me, so will be able to help me to say the things I usually can't say.

Yesterday

I had a very ordinary evening. On the listening list were the third cd of Rameau's Zoroastre, disc 38 of the Bach cantatas, Vaugham Williams Variants of Lazarus and Dives, Borodin's second symphony, and the Schubert octet. Bed at a quarter past nine.

In the news

A well-known entertainer fell over on stage. So what. Why does the media keep on plugging stories like this, instead of telling people what is really happening in the world?

A fact

This happened to me a couple of years ago.

The rest of today

After I've got my tablets from the chemist, I'll go and get some of the lettuce that we're growing at the historic building. Afterwards it'll be back home until tomorrow morning.
By the way I've just been mentioned (very favourably) in an online review that was written by a visitor to the historic building. I am glad that there are people who do enjoy what I play.

In the meanwhile

I went home and shampooed the middle of the living-room carpet. I'll do the edges once it's dry. Afterwards I went to the historic building and had a look round the garden. I'm vigilantly watching out for snails near the bits that I've planted. I keep finding some, and soon put pay to then when I do. It's still overcast with the occasional bit of sunshine, but quite warm.

Errata

It lloks like I may have been right after all. It is raining, but the sun is coming out after all. I've been out for a fag, and while I was smoking I decided what I'm going to do today. After I've been to the foreign supermarket I'll go home and clean the front-room carpet. I think I'll just stay indoors today. I might come back to the library if I feel like it. Then it'll be dinner and the usual sort of evening.
I've just remembered. Yesterday, while I was having my dinner, I watched Dad's Army. It was the one where they all get marooned on the pier. They really were very well made and very funny. I shan't bother watching the recent remake. Remakes are never as good as the original. The original is as much about the actors as the parts they played.

An expert

I am quite the meteorologist. Just now I predicted imminent sunshine. Well I've just looked out of the window and it's raining. In future I think I'll keep my big trap shut, and wait and see.

My day

It's going to be a quiet one, for a change. This is the first day in I-don't know-how-long that I haven't got anything booked. It does seem funny. I really don't know what to do with myself. I feel quite tired, so it won't be anything too strenuous. What I do need to do, though, is to collect my prescription from the doctors and take it to the chemist, otherwise I shan't have my tablets at the weekend.

This morning

My head was a bit foggy when I got up. I spent the time looking at the plants on my balcony, some of which are about to bloom. Afterwards it was straight up to the library.
It was very overcast and cool first thing this morning, but not so cold that I needed to wear a jumper when I left the flat. It is still overcast now, but looks like it is about to brighten up.

Sleep

The people upstairs had been atrocious on and off all evening. It was quiet when I went to bed though. I was just nodding off when there was an almighty thud overhead, and then it sounded like heavy furniture being dragged around. Those people really are cunts.
My sleep was disturbed by strange dreams. On one occasion I woke up feeling very anxious. In the dream there was a great sense of urgency. Some other people were involved, but I don't remember who. I do remember my mum and her husband being in it. I was variously a child, who had reported them to the authorities for psychological abuse, and an adult desperately trying to get somewhere. At one point I was in the countryside, on the outskirts of the town where I grew up. I went up a hill that existed only in my dream. When I got to the top and looked over the other side I saw the Royal Naval College in Greenwich.
I woke up at around half past six this morning, and was up shortly afterwards.

Yesterday

I treated myself to some nice continental cold meats, and had them with salad and chips for diner. Afterwards it was music,including part of Rameau's Zoroastre, Both of Mehul's symphonies, and some of Boyce's lovely trio sonatas. Bed at a quarter past nine.

In the news

This morning's main headline is that a politician has been shot dead. What a shame. You can't go round killing people just because you disagree with their politics. I find the government's policies quite sickening, but have no inclination to kill any of the perpetrators. In this country the only acceptable weapon is words. This is a day that will go down in infamy.
Another headline concerns an entertainer who collapsed on stage. So what. The man is grotesquely overweight. He should shouldn't be surprised at any consequent health problems. He has largely himself to blame.

Soon

Very shortly I shall be getting another bus, this time to the foreign supermarket. It's not very far from here, but I can't be bothered to walk. I don't know what to have for dinner, so I'll see what takes my fancy. Then it'll be another ordinary evening in.

My day

I was out quite early, and was able to do some proper shopping for the first time in ages. After a short spell on the computer, I went to my appointment with another one of my autism people. Once that was out of the way, I bussed it to the garden centre in the next town, and bought some stout canes. Then it was another bus ride to the allotment. I used the canes to make a support for my runner beans. Everything on the allotment is really coming along, although the tomato plant could do better. The marigolds are putting on a marvellous display. After I'd finished watering everything, it was another bus ride straight to the library.
The day started off warm and bright, and it's gradually got better and better since then. It actually feels quite hot this afternoon.

Sleep

The people upstairs were quiet all evening and night, which I understand was the complete opposite of their behaviour of the previous evening.
I turned in just after nine and slept relatively soundly, but my sleep wasn't at all satisfying. Bad dreams and a couple of episodes of wakefulness. I got up at half past six this morning.

The rest of yesterday

I had a reasonable sort of day at the historic building. Afterwards I stayed behind for a bit to help with some gardening. The rest of the day was humdrum and quite predictable, even the curry I had for dinner. Bed at half past nine.

A surprise

My friend said he'd been contacted out of the blue by one of the foreign students that was in the same year as we were. I racked my brain and suddenly remembered her, as she was the one who introduced me to Beethoven's F# sonata, and one of Schubert's in A, when she played them at our performance seminars. She was such a nice girl. I was told that she also wanted to contact me.

During the evening we did make contact. She told me that she had felt intimidated by the other English students, and only remembered my friend, another person and myself. I was really pleased to hear from her. And it was nice of her to remember me.

Soon

I'm playing very shortly. This morning I don't feel like getting togged up, so it's going to be t-shirt, trousers and jumper. The weather doesn't look all that brilliant, so I'm hoping that we'll get plenty of visitors (of the sort I like).

Since last night

The truth is I had a bad night, and my sleep was full of rotten dreams. I woke up during the night, remembering a dream where I'd forgotten my address, and I was with two people that I don't know in real life. When we got home, my (real-life) flat was only one room. The room looked menacing, had become coffin-shaped, and was only just large enough to contain the bed.
Up at ten to seven, and I had the fags and coffee in the garden. Then I got a lift home nice and early. Then, after a bit of toast, it was straight up to the library.

The rest of yesterday

When I got to the allotment, I was delighted to find that nothing else had been eaten. The beans are doing fantastically well and there's a gorgeous display of marigolds. The tomato has grown only slightly, but there's plenty of time yet. Afterwards it was the usual arithmetical shenanigans followed by a nice easy evening. It wasn't easy for my friends though, and they were inundated with work that needed to be done. Bed just after nine.

The rest of today

In a moment I shall need to make a move. I plan to take myself to the allotment, to see what is still alive. I think the walk will probably do me good too. Then it'll be another nice evening at my best friend's.

Since earlier

Having got through the session, I took myself home for a bite of lunch. I really did feel ravenous. Afterwards I flopped down in the armchair for an hour or so, before summoning up the energy to leg it back to the library. I'm feeling a bit bored at the moment. The weather looks bored too.

In the news

There is a remarkable news story in today's headlines. It concerns the colour of the frock worn by a celebrity at some function or other. How very important. It is a story of global significance.

Since last night

I slept soundly and woke up at six, but it took me three-quarters of an hour to get out of bed. Then it was the fags and coffee, and a quick spell at the library before my interview with workhouse no.2. That went fine. Now I'm back at the library, and  just about to go for my weekly visit to the autism man.
It rained on and off all evening and night. It was very overcast and warmish first thing this morning, but the sun is finally starting to try and put in an appearance.

Yesterday

I had a rather easy but boring afternoon. After a perfunctory meal it was card games and music. Bed at half past nine.

This morning

I've had the grind of the Parish interview this morning. Groan. I feel very tired, so I think I'll go and sit in the historic building's garden. I'm feeling ravenously hungry too, so I think I'll take myself straight home afterwards, have a bite to eat, and stay there until tomorrow morning.

In the news

Religious fanaticisn and political fanaticism do horrible things to a person's mind. Such fanatics decide for themselves that their views are so right, that they take it upon themselves to kill those who do not conform to them. There is another example of this in this morning's headlines. This madness is sickening and very, very sad.

Evenings

I'm still playing computerised card games of an evening. I do find it very boring, and often wonder why I do it. I think I've just come up with the answer. It is distracting, and I don't need to think about it. And there's a touch of the autistic behaviour, where it has become part of my daily routine. And there's also a touch of the associated obsessive behaviour. So what.
I'm now up to CD no34, out of the set of 60 cds of Bach's Cantatas. The music is sometimes very good indeed, but one or two of the soloists get on my nerves. There is an annoying soprano who sounds like La Kirkby, and I usually find myself wishing that she'd shut up. And the countertenor sounds like Widow Twankey gone wrong. I usually find myself giggling at his solos, instead of taking them seriously.

How am I?

I did sleep very soundly over the weekend, but have felt very tired throughout. All the hard work has finally caught up with me. We used to say at home that you don't realise how tired you are, until you sit down afterwards. I know the feeling.

Over the weekend

I did feel very deflated, but spent my time constructively. The Rameau is going down rather well with our visitors, so I've started work on some more of his pieces; The Sarabande, Rigaudon and Gigue (all 'en rondeau') from Book 1, and Le Rappel des Oiseaux, Les Triolets, Les Sauvages and La Poule. I've certainly got my work cut out. They are not at all easy.

The event

There was a big event in the town centre over the weekend. At the historic building we timed our event to coincide with this, expecting some of the many visitors to come our way. It was not to be. The town was practically deserted all weekend. You see the people who are supposed to be promoting such events didn't bother to advertise it. Nobody knew it was happening. Ain't it grand. Some of us worked long and hard to make a success of it.
On Saturday morning the mayor came alone, and duly declared us open. I kept well away, but was told that he was well pleased with what he saw. At the appointed hour I went ahead with my recital anyway, mostly to a non-existent audience. Still, it was good practice, and it's nice to know that I'm now able to do it.
On Sunday we stayed open until late evening. The mayor had apparently asked us to do so, and he came back to see how we were doing. Then there was a last-minute kerfuffle as he tried to draw people in from the Old Town. The result was minimal.
The bloody promoters. They seem to enjoy being seen (or rather being seen with). They evidently don't seem to value or consider all the hard work that people have put in. They apparently couldn't care less.

In the limelight

Yesterday I was asked if I'd like to be in the volunteers' group photo at tomorrow's event. Now I really don't like having my photo taken, but I said that I would. Then I was told that the mayor would also be in the photo. My reply was that I would be happy to be in a group photo, but not if it included the mayor. He's a thoroughly nasty, objectionable little man. And his politics are of a similar nature.

Soon

I shall be making my way back to the historic building in a moment. I want to run through my recital again, and then help out with all the last minute stuff for tomorrow's event. I'll give the garden another good soak while I'm there.
The weather is beautiful, and it has been bright and warm since I got up. Now it's starting to get very warm indeed.

This morning

I was very early with the fags and coffee this morning. I feel very tired indeed and very achey. After watering the balcony I played a few card games on the computer. Then it was on to the historic building. I wanted to see the results of what I did yesterday, so I spent half an hour looking round. It does look lovely. While I was there I found a small twig and helped some snails off some seedlings and onto the pellets that I'd put out for their breakfast. Then it was on straight up to the library.

Sleep

It wasn't a good 'un last night. I woke up in pitch darkness and couldn't get back to sleep. That was at midnight. My arms and legs, hands and feet, were aching terribly. My mind was in a bit of a panic, and it felt other-worldly. Eventually I did fall asleep again, but sat up bolt upright at about half past five this morning.

Yesterday

I didn't half have a busy day! I went through my recital programme for the weekend. It's about and hour and twenty minutes' worth of music. It'll never be perfect, but it's a good programme and nice and varied. Afterwards I spent five hours working in the historic building's garden. I worked hard and enjoyed it, but my bones and muscles started to complain soon afterwards.
It was a decent pasta for dinner, followed by the usual. Bed at nine.

Moods

This past month has weighed heavily on me. It really has been awful. I just haven't been able to stop worrying. Now that everything has been sorted out, I should be able to start taking life a bit easier. My mood is still not as I would like it to be. I supposed I will continue to feel like this, until such time as my mind has finished coping with the experience. In reality I've just had not one hard month but three, all because of the way the Parish have treated me. It really should not be allowed in what is supposed to be a civilised, developed country. My experience is a logical outcome of what happens when people press buttons without thinking. It's also the result of people doing their jobs without being expected to think. It's about people taking actions because somebody told them to do it. You know, when people do not accept any responsibility for their actions, they are capable of doing the most terrible things to other human beings, and all because someone had told them to do it.

Since last night

I slept well last night, although I'm still being bothered by strange dreams. Up at seven this morning, feeling very groggy indeed. I had the coffee and fags and everything went into slow motion. I did nothing but think about my day.
I shall be going to the bank very shortly, and then straight on to the landlord's. I can't even begin to tell you how relieved I am, that it's finally been sorted out (I hope).

Yesterday

I had a nice session at the historic building. After I finished playing I spent some time planting things and watering the garden. Then it was dinner time. Fucking curry again, but it was alright. Then it was computerised card games and music again. Bed just after nine.

This morning

It's a lovely morning, sunny, warm, but not so humid as it has been. I'm still on the fags an coffee, and my mind is full of all the things I need to do over the coming week. It's going to be a busy one, involving visits to the bank and to the landlord, lots of practice and lost of gardening. I have a few quiet minutes now, before I get the bus home and get stuck in.

Sleep

I went to bed at a quarter past ten with the thunderstorm still raging, although it had started to weaken by then. I slept very soundly and got up at about seven this morning. I'm still very groggy of a morning.

And finally

The lessons were fun but it was only maths today, which is a shame. Since then I've been enjoying a lovely, peaceful evening. An almighty thunderstorm blew up about half an hour ago. Very enjoyable indeed! It's still raining cats and dogs and the thunder ands lightening haven't abated yet. And to think I watered the allotment earlier! Never mind. I do enjoy watering the allotment.

The afternoon

I've had quite a day, one way and another. This morning was pretty awful. Then I saw the lady I'd been referred to. I didn't hold my breath, and was completely gobsmacked when she contacted me to say she'd resolved the thing that had been troubling me all month. I can't tell you what a weight off my mind that is.
Afterwards I went and planted the new additions to the allotment. It's starting to look really good, and the marigolds are putting on a good show.

Just now

There I was, full of the joys of spring, so I took myself to the supermarket via the home in the wall. I did pick up a bottle of wine, but didn't feel comfortable about it. So I got a cider instead, and a pot of chives to plant on the allotment. They are apparently good companion plants for tomatoes.

A proverb

'In for a penny, in for a pound'. Quite right too. Those wise words have made my mind up for me. I'm having a drop of wine for tonight. I know I really shouldn't, but I'm going to. Sod it.

In the meanwhile

Appointment no.2 was a great success. The woman already knew about me and had insight into how I think, so that saved me a lot of explaining. She has offered me all sorts of good and useful help. At the end of the meeting she said she recognised me, and that she often sees be around. It turns out she used to be one of my 'regulars' at the place I used to play to start with. Ain't it a small world!

Autism stuff

This is a very real issue for me. In fact it's the bane of my life.

The session

I've just finished my hour with the autism man. Exhausted. Completely shattered. Still I know it must be doing me some good. Time to pull myself together to face the rest of the day. I have my next appointment very shortly.

Just now

I went out for a stroll down to the supermarket. Now I wish I hadn't. The place was teeming with the elderly, the infirm, the morbidly obese and the aimless, all plodding or drifting down the aisles like a bank of fog. I had a job even getting into the place. I had to pick my way round the convoy of trolleys and mobility devices that was blocking the entrance. All very depressing, and exactly what I need. I did plan to sit outside and enjoy the morning, but I got the hump and changed my mind. So here I am again, back at the library.

More thinking

What a government we have. It is now more than blatantly obvious that they are raking in money from the poor and the vulnerable, to fund tax breaks for the wealthy. It's not only saddening. It's obscene,

Thinking

Further to yesterday's appointment I'm waiting for an email. I'm to expect it by the end of today, and the apprehension is very much on my mind.
I'm thinking about the forthcoming referendum. Of course I shall vote to remain in Europe. I firmly believe that Europe is a power for good, because it puts a check on abuses by individual governments. I also believe that had we not been in the EU, we would not have the equality and human rights laws in place that we currently have. So I'm voting to stay in, not because the Government is plugging it, but because I want it.
The historic building contacted me just now. "Can you come in at 2pm? We have a group visit". I've replied that I can't. I'm getting a bit sick and tired of being fucked around.

Today

I've got a fairly busy day today. After I've seen the autism man, I have to go straight to another appointment with someone I've been referred to. I don't know what to expect, so it's a case of wait and see. After that I've got a free hour, so I'll have a bit more time on the computer. When I've finished I shall go and water the allotment, and plant the tomato plant that I've been growing on my balcony. I'll end the day with a bit of musical and arithmetical fun round my best friend's.

Since last night

I slept quite soundly, waking up at about five this morning. I kept on nodding off and waking up, and got up just after half past seven.
I'm still very drowsy when I get up, and the drowsiness never quite goes away. While I had my fags and coffee, I sat looking at the planters on my balcony. I noticed a decent crop of mushrooms or toadstools growing in one of the troughs. The other plants don't seem to mind them, so I shan't take any action.
I noticed the gorgeous weather, bright, sunny and very warm. Then it was straight up to the library as soon as I finally pulled myself together.

The rest of yesterday

I made a simple but enjoyable pasta dinner. Afterwards I decided on music and computerised card games for a change. Upstairs were quiet again. Bed at just after nine.

The rest of today

I'll be orf to the supermarket shortly, and then it'll be straight home. I think it'll be pasta for dinner, then music and computerised card games. In the meanwhile I'll have another half a ton of rhubabr for afters. Yummy!!
I think the arseholes upstairs must be going away at weekends. They are still cunts, but only in small doses.
The weather has been glorious this afternoon, sunny and very warm. It looks like we're set for a fine evening.

Since earlier

I'm back now from a marathon journey to see my social worker. This is now the third attempt at putting right the almighty mess the Parish have made for me. I feel mentally exhausted. BUT nihil desperandam. Hey ho.

In the news

What's going on in the world today? Well don't ask me. I don't know. In fact I don't want to know. Not today, I'm having a day off from it. It's usually too depressing.

In the meanwhile

The historic building is making my blood boil. The one-day event with normal opening hours has now become a two-day event with different opening hours. Also the catering arrangements are different from what I've been told. Also a high-ranking dignitary will be opening the event.
There was Muggins, first thing this morning, advertising the event both on the building's social media page and on my own, all in my own time and all completely free of charge to the house. So there was Muggins just now, going through and deleting what he'd posted, and writing it all out again on both pages.
Fucking morons in charge of the planning and organisation department. They know I'm fucking autistic, and that last-minute shocks are more than I can cope with comfortably. If this ever happens again I shall tell them where to stick their page, and then follow it. Grrrrr.

Today

I'm quite free today, apart from an appointment with my social worker this afternoon. What with all the travelling, it's going to take quite a chunk out of my day. I really want (rather, need) to go, but it means I shan't be able to do any practice.
On the musical front, the historic building have decided to have an event this coming weekend. They really do need to buck their ideas up and start planning things properly. It's all very last-minute and very annoying. However I'm going to do the recital for it; the same one I am going to give later this month. I'm going to treat it as a trial-run.
Talk of the devil. I've just got a text message from the historic building, asking me to go there to talk about the weekend's event. Just what I need. Right. Bight your tongue and calm down, I tells meself. I'm really set to explode.

The weather

It stayed pretty miserable all day Saturday and all Sunday morning. Just after mid-day it suddenly turned bright and sunny, and got quite warm. It's even warmer today, but more humid and overcast, There are some nice sunny intervals though.

Since yesterday evening

I slept reasonably well again, and woke up at about a quarter to six. It took me a while to get out of bed though. I have been very sluggish today, and it took me a good couple of hours to get through the fags and coffee, have a wash and brush-up, and make it to the library.

Sunday

I slept very well on Saturday night, and didn't wake up until gone Eight on Sunday morning. The dreams still continue to be very strange though.
The historic building was a bit of a non-event, apart from one group of Portuguese visitors. They spoke very little English, so I did the talk thing in Spanish, which they found much easier to understand.
I had the hamburgers for dinner that I had been planning to have the previous day. After dinner it was music and computerised card games, before going to bed just after nine.

The rest of Saturday

I had a good time at the historic building. After I finished playing, I went to the supermarket and then straight home. I had just decided what I was going to have for dinner, when I noticed that my best friend had contacted me, asking me round to dinner. I did recoil slightly, but of course I went. Unfortunately for me it was one of my curries for dinner, but they seemed to enjoy it.
Before dinner we all went down to the allotment. I was very pleased to see that the beans and the onions were doing well. I had a lovely show of marigolds too, and the nasturtiums were starting to come up. The gooseberry and the raspberries were doing fine too. I'm trying to keep one of the brussels sprouts going. It looked like it was still struggling to keep going. I was slightly disappointed that the peas were all gone, but I wasn't really all that bothered after seeing how much was still going. I was given an enormous batch of rhubarb too, and that's one of my favourite things. I don't know why it has got so expensive in the shops nowadays.
After dinner it was a nice drop of cider, something fairly undemanding on the telly, and the best company. Bed at a quarter past nine.

In the news

The media is full of the death of another famous personage. Very sad for the nearest and dearest of course, but what has it got to do with me? Why is it news? This sort of reportage really gives me the hump. The media fills people's head with this sort of stuff, instead of reporting truthfully what the government is doing to them.

Soon

I'm just about to make my way to the historic building, ready for the harpsichording thing. Fingers crossed; I hope it'll be a successful day.
The weather is overcast again, with just a hint of brightness coming through. It's not as cold as it was yesterday. I doubt many people will want to sit on the beach.

People

Since I last wrote on the subject, I've been stopped by another two people, asking why I don't play at the pub of a Sunday anymore. I just tell 'em as it is. It's nice to know that I am missed though. I seem to be popular with the trading and artistic communities in the Old Town. I'm going to be playing for one of the artists at his August exhibition.

Sleep and that

The people upstairs were more than usually horrible last night. The noise was persistent and relentless. The adults were having a party for two in the front room, while their brats were screaming, shrieking and runnin round in various other parts of the flat.
It was still going on when I went to bed. Although I did take my tablet, it took me quite some time to get to sleep. My dreams were many and strange. I woke up initially at just before six, but it took me a couple of hours to come round sufficiently to get out of bed.
I was in a bit of a haze when I had the fags and coffee. It took me another couple of hours to bath and get myself togged up.
There was still no sound from upstairs when I left the flat at a quarter past ten. That means they were all still in bed. That probably means too that the bastards are going to have another late night.

The rest of yesterday

I did go to the historic building in the end, for the usual practice and to water the garden. The Rameau is sounding crap at the moment, but that's a good sign. Pieces always sound crap just before everything falls into place. Afterwards I returned to the library and finished my recital programme.
Dinner was another curry again. I read the chapter on Rameau again and went to bed at nine.

People

People are odd. I keep coming across people I could well do without. Still, I'm getting much better at sticking it out, as it were, in spit of my inner instinct to flee the scene immediately.
I go waylaid by someone in the library this morning. I know he has bipolar, and this morning he was manic. Completely off his tits. I heard the story of being sectioned and hospitalised for some weeks. Apparently he has now absconded. One of his fists was covered in deep cuts that had started to heal over. I know he is no danger to anyone, except possibly himself. Not physically, mind you, but I have seen him in quite a state on some occasions.

This morning

I got up feeling like I'd drunk a bottle of gin. I sat down to the fags and coffee, and couldn't help noticing what rotten weather we're having this week. Up to the library at ten this morning, which is very late for me.

Sleep

I don't know whether I actually slept last night, or if it was more a case of being out cold. I woke up at around midnight for a short sprint. After that I woke up at around six, but kept nodding off again. Up at half past eight this morning.

The rest of yesterday

I did complete half of the programme for my recital. All I have to do now are the potted case notes on the composers, and a potted biography of yours truly.
The frittata was very nice indeed. After I'd eaten I watched a brilliant documentary on Rameau. I also had a couple of ciders. I know I shouldn't be having any, but I did. So what.
The cunts upstairs got in at about half past eight, and didn't I know it. They were cunts. Bed at nine, listening to the racket from upstairs.

Autism stuff

The story of my life. I have thoughts that have been going round in my head for decades. There are still many things that remain unresolved for me.

Shortly

I'll be off to the bus stop in a minute or two, as I have a lengthy journey to get to my destination. When I (eventually) get back, I'll go and see if anyone is at the historic building, so I can do a bit of practice. If not then it'll be back to the library. I want to start work on the programme for this month's forthcoming recital.

This morning

What a gloomy day it is; a miserable grey sky with a chilly breeze. It looks like it's going to chuck it down fairly shortly. The coffee and fags were a bore. After I got dressed I wrote a letter to my social worker. I am supposed to call her today, which I don't really feel up to, so I'll go and deliver the letter by hand. On the way to the library, I went and had a look at the historic building's garden. I always concentrate particularly on the bits that I planted. They always seem to look a bit nicer than everything else.

Sleep

I slept relatively soundly until about a quarter to six, after which I kept nodding off and waking up. I got up at twenty past six, and it only took me a couple of hours to come round.

The rest of yesterday

I had a pretty bleak time of it at the historic building, however there were two highlights. Early on someone I know socially brought his progeny in to look round. Later on I was visited by the man who wants to start the band/orchestra/group thing. That's still going ahead. He told me that he'd been in to the pub last Sunday evening, and had asked why I wasn't there. Her told me he'd also contacted the landlord to ask the same thing. Oh well. After I'd finished playing, I went outside and did a bit more gardening.
Dinner was a routine pasta thing. It was ok I suppose. I'm making a frittata out of the leftovers for tonight's meal. Afterwards I started reading a second-hand book that I've had for about twenty years, but never read; The New Grove French Baroque Masters. It was interesting enough, but now it's a little bit out of date. I read the chapter on Rameau and picked through the chapters on Lully, Delalande, Couperin and Charpentier. Bed at nine.

Soon

I'm just about to take myself to the historic building for today's session. No suit and tie today though. It's heavy duty clothing for me, 'cos I'll be helping in the garden afterwards.
The weather ain't too brilliant today. It's very grey, damp and cold, but a vast improvement on the strong winds and black skies of yesterday.

In passing

Yesterday it came back to me that I was being discussed in the Old Town. Apparently some young people were recommended to go to a local pub of a Sunday evening, where there is apparently an 'amazing' keyboard player.
Well in truth I'm not as good as that, but I am glad that my playing recommends itself. It'll be such a shame if the people do go in on Sunday, only to find out that I don't play there anymore. There were people who used to come in on purpose to hear me play, but not enough to fill the Albert Hall. I think I'd rather like it if the landlord were to hear that people had been asking for me.

Sleep

I woke up, briefly, on a couple of occasions, but otherwise I slept soundly. Up at half past seven this morning feeling quite drugged.

The rest of yesterday

As I was walking home from the supermarket, I noticed that there were still people at the historic building, so I went back and did some more practice. The Rameau is starting to come together now. I made a different curry for dinner. Actually it was more a case of variations on a theme. It was really nothing more than a different combination of the same ingredients. It was alright though. Afterwards I had the cider and listened to the next three cds of the Bach cantatas. I heard two works that I'd been listening out for; one of them was either BWV 183 or 185, and the other was BWV 192 Nun Danket Alle Gott. The latter was stunning, and the writing very inspired. I first came across this work some decades ago when studying for my Diploma in Music. Bed at half past nine.