The event on the other side of the county is definitely going ahead. This morning we finalised the arrangements for next weekend, and I'm really looking forward to it. I'm still surprised by the mileage there is in the 'Knees up Mother Brown' routine.
I was thinking about it this morning as I contemplated the coffee and fags. I remember how frightened I used to be, until very recently, of playing in front of people. I was frightened to the point of almost blacking out, and this was very embarrassing when I studied for my music degree. It's only within the last year or so that I've finally overcome this hurdle.
Of course I've now learned why I used to feel like this. Nowadays I'm OK when I'm playing, but still have a horror of being in front of people in other situations. I don't like being watched by people I don't know, any more that I am comfortable when speaking to them. It's just that music demands my full concentration, so I've found a way of avoiding all the eye contact, and of finding a suitably distant inner space where I feel comfortable. I'm quite a perfectionist when it comes to music (but not necessarily with all other things), and simply won't allow myself to make mistakes.
I realise that my musical journey is synonymous with my struggle to understand and accept myself, and to be understood and accepted by people in general. It's all good stuff in the end (at least I hope so).
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