I need to plan my life quite carefully, so that I have any hope of being able to cope with it. I find last-minute changes very unsettling. I worried a lot about the historic building being closed, but did quite well at getting my head round it.
What I can't cope with at all is when people say they will do something and then don't do it. 'I will let you in between 4.30 and 5', and then the person doesn't turn up at all. 'I forgot' is a feeble excuse. It's the sort of crap I used to get from the people I managed. 'I forgot' means to me 'I didn't think it important enough to bother remembering'. That's my livelihood that he forgot. Nor did he consider the potential damage to my reputation. He didn't consider the potential impact on my mental well-being either. He didn't think at all. Not good enough.
My mood has been terrible ever since. Last night I was frantic and agitated. I was panic-stricken and wanted something to lash out at. I came very near to losing the plot. This is one of those moods I know will keep playing in my mind for some time to come.
I will have the conversation on Wednesday. If I'm not satisfied I shan't play there anymore. Until then, business as usual.
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