Lastly

I went out just now for my penultimate fag of the day, and started thinking about the owl that had flown past not so very long ago. I started thinking about language. Should I have thought 'It flew down the alley', or 'It flew by the garden fence', or 'It flew alongside the garden fence'?
Alongside. That's a funny word. Does it signify something which is the opposite of a short side? I know that in nautical jargon, alongside means pulling up along the length of a vessel. Unfortunately the word has been adopted by the London Underground, with the most ludicrous results. 'The trein stendin alongside pletform three..' and so on. How bloody ridiculous. Trains (to my knowledge) were always 'on' platforms, not 'alongside' them. Ain't it bleedin' silly. People do put on airs and graces. It's high time we got back to speaking English as she is spoke, rather than aspiring to a misplaced loftiness of vocabulary, so out of keeping with its social context. There is no need to speak to the travelling public as if it were Lloyd's Register Of Shipping.