Autism stuff

This question is for those of you who are autistic: If someone asks you what it is like to be autistic, what do you say? My answer is 'How the fuck do I know?' For one thing I have never been anything but autistic, so I do not have a point of comparison. For another thing I cannot properly describe how I feel. For yet another thing I know how I feel, but the words I use never quite describe the feeling. The words will say something about it, but won't say exactly what it is. In truth I don't really understand how I feel, and I suppose that's why the words I use are so inadequate. I sometimes feel like asking someone what it is like to be neurotypical. I'd really love to know.

One thing that really gives me the hump is when someone says 'You don't look autistic'. What a fucking imbecilic statement. It's like saying to someone 'You don't look deaf'.

This morning I received a copy of the papers that the parish wants to use against me at the tribunal. I saw something that made me laugh at first, and then made me very angry. My doctor has written on my medical records that I have learning difficulties. Learning difficulties???? Don't make me laugh! I'm at least as intelligent as he is, and I suspect a great deal more intelligent. He, in fact, is really the one with the learning difficulties. His 'cultural' approach to my autism (he told me it isn't important) has prevented him from understanding the real significance of what I've tried to tell him. His 'blinkers' actually prevent him from understanding. It is largely as a result of his almost complete lack of action, that I find myself in the position that I've been in for too long.

Now back to the first two paragraphs. This week I shall have to try and tell two different people that I don't know, on two separate occasions, how my autism impacts on my life. Well how the fuck do I know? I don't know what to say. I am so lucky that my support worker will be there to advocate on my behalf.