In the mirror

I sit here, trying to get to the bottom of what it's all about, and scrutinising myself in the minutest detail.
The appallingly long wait for a diagnosis (of autism) is very much on my mind, all of the time. Always there. Never goes away. I'm anxious for a reply from the authority I wrote to a few days ago. They say that they aim to reply within eighteen days, but cannot guarantee doing so. The reason I am so preoccupied with it all, is that after diagnosis, I will be able to access services that will help me to make life a little bit more tolerable.
I have spent the whole of my life trying the utmost to conform to what others expect me to be. I often fail miserably, and have many times appeared ridiculous, mad or stupid to those I have to live among.
What I need is a chance to be myself for once, and for the people I come into contact with to recognise that I need a certain amount of space in order to flourish. They need to understand that I don't always understand what they are talking about, for example I'm no good at puns. I just don't get 'em. I also struggle with motive, where I take everything that is said at face value.  I am very much affected by noise and sound. I also find facial expression and body language difficult. I would also like them to see that I am reasonably intelligent, but probably think in a different way to themselves.
A diagnosis would make it possible for me  to let a potential employer know about these things, rather than keeping it all to myself, and then being subjected to hostility or ridicule at some future date. A diagnosis would give me the chance to be myself in my place of work.
I am certain that all these thoughts do contribute to my generally depressed state. Changing jobs has always been a terrifying experience for me. As things are now, I desperately want to find a job, but am frightened sick of all the new people I would meet. I also worry that, in a new job, I may not be allowed time off to go for the diagnosis, that is if ever I am offered an appointment.
I live in a rich country. Am I really being greedy in what I ask for?