Fucking Aspergers

My mood was odd all day yesterday, and was still odd when I went to the pub. My brother and some friends were there, but as much as I wanted to I didn't feel able to talk, so I sat outside in a quiet corner and looked at the stars. Eventually I summoned up the willpower to get up, and went and sat with them. I couldn't keep up with the conversation and kept taking myself away. Then cunt the first turned up, so that was the end of any further efforts to converse. I just didn't have the inner strength to put up with than sort of verbal battering, so I kept myself away. I felt very sad about it.
In the meanwhile my spectrum friends came in, so we talked for a bit. Then we had a singalong which was very successful. Fucking Aspergers; let me tell you about my verbal communication 'skills'. My friends showed me their wedding photograph, and I wanted to pay them a compliment. The words came out as "You were a lovely-looking couple when you got married".  They reacted with (pretend) indignation, and I felt stupid and embarrassed, until they explained that they were only having a laugh.
Since yesterday I have felt as if I am in a sort of emotional bubble, and that this is hindering my conversation. I finished yesterday sitting by myself. I did shut down at one point. One of my autistic friends noticed that I was rocking. I was quite oblivious to this until I heard him calling me.
I slept badly last night. I went to bed at 11.30pm. I got up once during the night (I can't remember at what time), I woke up as it was getting light, with my mind in full gear and both feet tapping, and woke up finally in full daylight with brain and feet doing exactly as before. I eventually got up at 10.50am. I had uncomfortable dreams involving my late mother and my late friend who was in a wheelchair. I dreamed about a garden of blue, red and white flowers, and commenting on how beautiful they looked against a dark grey sky. I dreamed about buses and trains, missing them and generally getting lost etc.
This morning history has repeated itself. I was so happy a few days ago, but now feel completely wretched and miserable. I am not going to be negative. I am holding onto my dream of a happy life, and onto all the love that I feel for my closest people, and which is shown to me. I know that I will come through this. I hpoe that I won't look too strange when I go to the workhouse shortly.