I'm sitting here having a nice smoke. A fag at the right moment can concentrate the mind wonderfully, like just now when I remembered the Waterhouse painting. That was quite a revelation to myself, as I'd never seen the analogy before. For the first time, I realise why I burst into tears so easily. With a starting point like the lady, wouldn't you? I also realise why I have taken overdoses in the past. I realise why I have always been unsuccessful in obtaining a happy work life. I realise why I am on my own. I realise why I get so overwhelmed by the ordinary, mundane things that others seem to find so easy. I realise. I realise.
I think this is going to be the hardest part of my journey so far, but there's no turning back.
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