Another meltdown

What is a Meltdown?
A meltdown is a condition where the Aspie temporarily loses control due to emotional responses to environmental factors. 

It generally appears that the aspie has lost control over a single and specific issue however this is very rarely the case. Usually, the problem is the cumulation of a number of irritations which could span a fairly long period of time, particularly given the strong long-term memory facilities of the aspie.

Why the Problems Seem Hidden
Aspies don't tend to give a lot of clues that they are very irritated;

• their facial expressions very often will not convey the irritation


• their vocal tones will often remain flat even when they are fairly annoyed.


• Some things which annoy aspies would not be considered annoying to neurotypicals. This makes NT's less likely to pick up on a potential problem.


• Often Aspie grievances are aired as part of their normal conversation and may even be interpreted by NTs as part of their standard whinge.

What happens during a Meltdown
The meltdown appears to most people as a tantrum or dummy spit. There are marked differences between adults and children.

Children tend to flop onto the ground and shout, scream or cry. Quite often, they will display violent behaviour such as hitting or kicking. 

In adults, due to social pressures, violent behaviour in public is less common. Shouting outbursts or emotional displays however can occur. More often though, it leads to depression and the aspie simply retreats into themselves and abandons social contact.

Some aspies describe the meltdown as a red or grey band across the eyes. I've certainly experienced this. There is a loss of control and a feeling of being a powerless observer outside the body. This can be dangerous as the aspie may strike out, particularly if the instigator is nearby or if they are taunted during a meltdown.

DepressionSometimes, depression is the only outward visible sign of a meltdown. At other times, depression results when the aspie leaves their meltdown state and confronts the results of the meltdown. The depression is a result of guilt over abusive, shouting or violent behaviour.

I went to the pub yesterday. To begin with it was lovely. My brother was there and we had a nice game of scrabble, a natter and a pint. Some friends came in too, which was nice. Then Cunt the First turned up and my heart sank. We had a lovely meal, but that  was the end of any possibility of conversation on my part. 
I find it very difficult indeed to deal with someone who is bi-polar but always manic in public, and who is hyper-loquacious. He talks at a rate of knots, never pauses for one minute, always manipulates other people's conversations round to what he wants to talk about, and is 'in your face'. For me this is extremely disruptive as I have never found it easy to interact socially.
I could feel the tension building up inside me so left early. I got home feeling like I was going to explode. I was tearful and rocked uncontrollably for a while. It took me three hours to calm myself down enough to go to bed. What I had experienced was yet another meltdown as a result of the cunt's unwanted intrusion into my life.
I slept for only a few hours and very badly. I felt like I was turning round and round all night. I love the little pub that I go to. Some of my closest friends and family go there, but I feel so odd again this morning that I'm mulling over the possibility of never going there again. That saddens me too because that pub is my social life, and the only social life I've ever had.