Some observations

The painting is Portrait of Daniel-Henry Kahnweiler (1910) by Pablo Picasso. The video is the first movement of Pierrot Lunaire (1912) by Arnold Schoenberg. The painting is in the cubist style. Instead of showing the viewer an exact representation of the subject, Picasso shows you back, front, sides, features, personality, all at once. No one projection is given superiority, but all are treated democratically. In the Schoenberg, the music is atonal. Rather than having focal points of, say, C Major, and the Tonic/Dominant hierarchy, all twelve semitones of the octave are given equal importance, ie democratically.
When I started writing my blogs, I had no idea of where my journey would take me. When I write, I try to show you all my thoughts at once, just like the artworks do. There is much that is unfamiliar, strange, even frightening, as in the above examples. Both examples, although radical at the time they were created, are actually born out of a classical tradition. Schoenberg, for example, uses the same contrapuntal textures and devices that were used by Bach. In the same way, I have my own culture and values, but I am starting to see things differently than before.
A dear friend kindly emailed me recently, commenting that he feels I am changing as a person. Actually I am not. I am the same person I always was and always will be. However I am thinking about, and expressing, all the things I used to suppress or ignore. This has necessarily caused me a great deal of anguish and upheaval, and the journey continues very difficult.
Yesterday I talked to another friend who is on the spectrum. She thinks that there is a pendulum effect. At the moment the pendulum has swung away, but it will gradually come back to full repose. That means I will assimilate and accept all the changes, and end up where I need to be.
I really don't like who I am, which is why I don't like my own company. I see all my shortcomings, failures and inabilities. I see what lovely, good people my friends and family are, and wish I were like them. I hope that one day, before too long, I will be.