John Henry Fuseli: The Nightmare (c1782)

I went to bed at 2.20am and got up at 6.50am, after lying awake for what must have been about an hour. The brain was churning away and my right foot had been tapping; the bottom of my shin aches a bit.
I couldn't help worrying about the rent. Although I knew I now had the money, I attacked myself with 'what if?' scenarios: What if the bank doesn't let me have the money? What if something had gone wrong with the transfer? What if I could only withdraw part of what I needed?
Needless to say everything went fine at the bank, and at the letting agents'. But this is typical of what my brain does to itself. I worry and worry. Then I worry. I expect things to go wrong, when there is no reasonable reason for them to do so. Is this behaviour a sort of psychological self-harm? In the past I have made myself ill with worry, when there had been nothing to worry about in the first place.
I'm sure I don't sleep enough. My sleep is disrupted by a brain struggling against itself. My mind is active even when I'm asleep, and I am sometimes woken by monsters, some of which are real, and some of which are of my own creation. I realise that I will need to talk to someone professional sooner or later, but I don't want to tell my GP. Sleeping tablets are not the real answer.
In the meanwhile I will try and sleep for a bit now.