More Aspergers part 1

Here I am again. Just as normal, my mind has been working piecemeal all day, so I thought Id try and channel the energy into some constructive writing.

I saw the illustration above and asked myself "What is normal?" When I was a boy, I would have replied that my home life was normal. Actually it wasn't. We were very poor. Mum hardly ever ate any proper food. She went without to feed my brothers and I. Dad was either remote, or a bully. He was Jekyll and Hyde. We didn't see our relations very often. I don't think they liked us. They were odd. Very odd. They were 'working class and proud of it'. So fucking what. They actually delighted in being ignorant. They liked watching sport on the telly. I don't want to be like them. The only 'working class' thing that I know I've inherited is language. Even though I don't sound like 'working-class Greenwich', I still use some old-fashioned expressions, sometimes for their comic effect. Also I swear like a good 'un.  Otherwise I feel no affinity with that 'culture'.

Later on, as I became aware of my sexuality, I might have replied that Gay was normal. Actually that wasn't normal for me either. I don't like loud music or dancing. I don't want to grow a beard and start mincing round town. I don't want to wear a label. I just want to be me. I've never got on with gay people per se, but that probably has to do with the aspergers. I have never belonged to that tribe, and feel no affinity with it.

Nowadays I suppose that 'the man in the street' must be considered normal. That is because the man in the street is the most numerous part of the population as a whole. I've seen some very odd behaviour at the local supermarket. Should I assume that all or most 'men in the street' have odd behaviour? When I listen to what passes for conversation between them, I am alarmed at the fact they are allowed to wander abroad without adult supervision. What is more frightening is that they bring their children up to be just like themselves. No, I have nothing in common with that culture either.

I'll tell you about what is normal in my world: varied, intelligent, interesting, lovely people from different backgrounds. Being accepted rather than tolerated for who you are. Being valued and loved. Being yourself, and not feeling the necessity to conform with anything. Being able to converse, or to be quiet.

I think I have made it clear that the preceding versions of normality are not normal for me. Likewise people from those 'normal' worlds don't see much further than my obvious mental difficulties in public, and my obvious sexuality. To them I am a 'wierdo', and fair game for ridicule. Of course they are entitled to their opinions.