How am I?

This is going to be difficult for me to write. I am verbally inept when it comes to saying how I feel, which is why I write my blogs. I don't think any slower. I don't doctor what I have written. It's just that when I write, I am not distracted by eye contact and proximity. My closest people have been asking me how I am, and I always reply that I am fine.
Actually things have been rather difficult for the past few months. My monthly income is £590, my monthly rent is £500. My only unessential expenditure is on tobacco. When I first moved here I filled the freezer and every available nook and cranny with food, and this has got me through. For the past few months I've lived very frugally, and have been robbing Peter to pay Paul. It has all caught up now. My rent was due last Friday and I only paid them £100. Since then I've received a water bill of £230-odd.
I'm not out with the begging bowl, really I'm not. I'm not a state-registered charity. I feel really ashamed of the situation in which I find myself. I've been surrounded by the usual whirlwind of thoughts, but I can't think. I don't know what to do. If anyone is any good at thinking about things like this, I'd be grateful to learn your thoughts.