A swirling sort of day

The above picture is Milton's Mysterious Dream (1820), by William Blake. When I look for a work of art to represent how I feel, I am so often drawn to Blake. To me there are so many paradoxes and clashes, for example energy versus inertia, texture, colour, mood. In Blake's paintings I see so much of how I feel. I wonder if he was on the spectrum?

I still feel a hint of the serenity I felt at the beginning of the week, only now I feel like the sleeping figure on the left. I still feel a bit traumatised from my encounter with that horrible person. At work I shut off as much as possible, to help me get through the day. I avoid any social contact with the other staff. There are a huge number of thoughts constantly swirling round in my head. I think of people I like and others I dislike. I think of music, history, my biological family, everywhere I have ever lived, every job I have ever had, things I have said, things that have been said to me, hundreds of experiences along the way. There are also all the hopes, fears and worries. Of course all of this is in addition to any new experiences I find myself thinking about.

Writing these blogs has been a new and strange experience for me. I'm not used to saying exactly how I feel. I suppose that how I felt before didn't really matter. I couldn't possibly utter the words I write, as my vocal ineptitude usually doesn't usually express what I really mean. Yet here am I writing at nineteen top the dozen. I never alter anything I've written. I write it exactly as I think, but just check for errors in spelling and grammar. I am astonished that, at the time of writing, my blog has attracted 1415 hits. I do hope that some readers have found something beneficial in what I write.

It's odd that since I've had my diagnosis, I find my life enriched by being surrounded by people who think the same as I do. People who didn't know us would probably find our conversation strange. Actually it isn't strange, not to people like myself. It certainly isn't boring. I think I'm finally beginning to find out who I am.