On Thursday evening I gave my first ever public recital. I had always had a horror of playing in front of people. It was all the eyes that I used to find so overwhelming. All the being watched. And all the awareness that I get so 'locked-in' when I'm playing, that my autism is written all over my face. Of course I now know that there is nothing wrong with that, but it did used to make me feel very strange.
In the lead-up to the concert, when I ran through my programme, I realised that I had prepared far too much music; an enormous amount in fact, running for some three hours or so. I got round that by omitting any repeats, so the final playing time was about an hour and three-quarters. My lesson for next time is that I will prepare fewer pieces, and play them in full. And I will start half an hour earlier. I did feel tired by the time I finished.
I hadn't been worried at all about my concert. That was something completely different for me, as I had been terrorised at uni by the thought of having to play in front of people. Last Thursday, however, my hands and face became numb when I kicked off, and I felt a bit light-headed and short of breath. Those feelings soon passed though, and I began to feel much more comfortable. I was aware of several 'slips and bumps', but the listeners apparently were not. I lost my place once during the second half, but made a joke of it. Those present said they had really enjoyed the evening, and their faces said the same thing. So I've started preparing for another recital at the same venue. Next time it will be Spanish music from the Eighteenth Century, Scarlatti, Soler etc. I'm already looking forward to it.
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