The gig was quite strange. The first guests started arriving about an hour later than expected, but there was no sign of the newlyweds. I played for a while to relieve the boredom. Eventually I looked at the proprietor of the venue, and she looked at me. Our looks must have said it all. I went over to her with my glass of wine and we had a bit of a giggle. The wicked side of my sense of humour came out.
Eventually the married couple arrived and the proprietor flapped her arms about frantically to warn me. I played Mendelssohn's Wedding March as they came in, but nobody seemed bothered. Then I looked round. The groom was decent looking and very well presented. The bride, however, was vast. She wore a purple silk dress with a Victorian look to it, which highlighted her rippling bulk to full advantage. She was enormous enough to affect tidal patterns and to deflect the moon from its orbit.
I carried on playing. These fucking awful kids kept running round. One of them hit me a few times while I was playing and hammered the uppermost notes on the keyboard. I gave them one of the looks that used to terrify my nephew when he was younger. I didn't stay long. I gets me dosh and orf I goes.
I contacted the proprietor this morning. She said that the thing got more and more hideous as the day wore on. The kids got even more out of control, leaving chocolate cake everywhere. The groom, apparently got ruder and ruder the drunker he got. That was that.
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