Above is a painting by William Blake. I do not know its title. Blake's paintings are so full of energy, and I wonder if he was "on the spectrum". I have very sound reasons for wondering this, but don't feel like discussing it just now. The picture looks just how I feel at the moment. I am the figures at the bottom of the picture, although I am wide awake. The swirling mass of people, light and energy are very like the ideas and thoughts that populate my mental world; vibrant, vivid, simultaneous, omnipresent, real, imagined, connected and not. I could easily write a whole chapter on the connections, but I hope I've given you at least a hint of how I am feeling. The feeling is always there, but is rather heightened at the moment. For those of you who don't have asd, can you imagine going through your daily lives with all this mental activity going on 24/7? Actually I cannot imagine going through life without it.
At the weekend I had a very kind and thoughtful email from a close friend. It was probably not clear from my reply that I was very moved by what was communicated in it. My friend made some very perceptive observations. My nerves have been a bit of a jangle lately, and the email was very welcome. Thank you so much dear friend. I hope you will not be offended if I show it to my friend who has aspergers, at some future date. We are very alike; rather he is like the person I was twenty years ago. Incidentally he would neither accept nor admit that he is a very talented artist. However he has shown me some of his own drawings; there is considerable virtuosity and fluency of imagination in their creation, combined with a very highly developed sense of draughtsmanship and composition. I wish he would realise how fucking clever he is. What a waste, and a terrible shame. By the way, there is something in the energy of my friend's drawings that strongly remind me of Blake.
I have to go now, as I am seeing someone who wants to help me get a job.
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