Tuesday, 14 January 2014

An extremely busy night

I went to bed at 2.30am this morning, I soon fell asleep but was kept awake by lucid dreams. I was with various friends and people I didn't know, in places that I'd never seen before. At one point we were all speaking Spanish. My night consisted of falling asleep, waking up and staying awake for long periods and then falling asleep again. I woke up at 8am to switch off my alarm. The pattern continued until 10.50am when I got up. I am psychologically exhausted today. My right shin and toes are aching; my foot had been tapping a lot during the night, what with all the mental activity, and was tapping when I woke up this morning. I should have been at the museum at 9.30am today. They all finished at 12.30pm, so I'm too late to contact them. I'll have to email them later. My mood is a bit like that of the Goya painting above. I don't know what it's called. My mind is full of half-forgotten memories of people, most of whom I imagined in the first place. The memories are blurred and indistinct, just like the faces in the picture. There are things I really must do today, so I must try and pull myself together. To my close friends who are reading this, please don't be unduly worried. I am used to having these days but have never said anything before. I had always put it down to depression, but hadn't thought about why I felt miserable. I don't know for the life of me how I managed to go into work like this, manage those awful people, and then spend the day being shouted at, abused and generally got at by a very angry and volatile customer base. I'm so glad I haven't got to go back to that.
I went up the pub yesterday evening. Some close friends of mine were there, but didn't stay long. It was very quiet so the landlord and I spent the evening playing scrabble. Later on my friend who has aspergers came with his partner, so we had a good laugh answering questions from a pub quiz book. I like the pot luck and geography questions. I dislike the questions on pop music, telly, films and sport, as I don't know anything about them. I don't really want to know anything about them; if I wanted to know, I would know. The truth is that I find these subjects very annoying.
Blimey, ain't I cheerful today. I think I must have got what is commonly called "the hump". I think I'll have another fag or two. Then I'd better try and look a bit livelier.

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