Yet another ordinary night

Went to bed at 1.30am and slept soundly until 5am when I woke up with a start. My brain was working overtime again so I got up for a coffee & a fag and my life has rushed by. I could barely look anyone in the face until I was in my thirties. I was completely friendless and was up to the eyeballs on antidepressants and psychotherapy. I made friends with one lovely lady about this time. She was quite remarkable. She made light of her considerable disability and achieved a great deal despite it. She had a great sense of humour and a wicked smile. She had such a kind and generous heart. We laughed a lot. She treated me as a friend when I was completely detached from the rest of the world. I miss her. I then made further friends when I went to uni in my late thirties. I am so privileged that my friends are all such lovely people. I don't have many friends, but what I do have is good friends. Given the anxiety, depression and other issues (now diagnosed as asd) I don't really know how they put up with me. My life is still quite muddled & my feelings confused, but aren't I lucky. I have one brother but feel that I really do have my own family.