Getting into the spirit

I went to bed at 12.30am and had a bit of a restless night. I had been laying in bed for some hours with my eyes closed when I checked my clock at 7am. I eventually got up at nearly 9am feeling very tired.

The antidepressants I've been taking for the past ten weeks don't really seem to be working, so I am going to see the doctor tomorrow afternoon.

Next week it will be Christmas; for one thing I don't feel easy in social gatherings, and another thing is I'm an atheist. I've usually spent Christmas alone. For me it's just an ordinary day, but of course I understand it's an important occasion for those people who love it. This year will be a new experience for me. I will play Christmas carols in the pub at lunchtime, then I will go and see my friend with aspergers and his partner in the afternoon. I really like the idea, because if we feel like being quiet it will not spoil it for anyone. Also I don't like a lot of fuss and commotion.

This Saturday I will be harpsichording at the historic building during the day, and Christmas carolling and knees-upping at the pub that night. I like playing at the pub because they let me play in a corner with my back to people. I maintain contact with the participants by looking sideways when I need to. The pub events are proving very successful and attract high attendance rates. They've asked me to play Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve too; of course I've agreed. No-one else in the town is doing pub sing-songs. Coincidentally the pub's main competitor held a similar event recently and it was a spectacular flop. I know why; they didn't have me (!!!)

Whenever I have been involved in Christmas in the past, I've coped with this by being the one who cooks. It keeps my mind occupied, and ensures that I'm not crowded out with lots of people. Also I am happy that people enjoy what I make; that is my Christmas present to my loved ones. I also like the fact that, even with my "eccentricity" (or weirdness), I am still able to contribute something nice to an important day for my friends.