Had a funny night last night. I went to bed at 12.15am and woke up during the night. My brainwaves were going like the clappers and I could feel my foot tapping, but I lay there with my eyes closed, as I was too tired to move. I eventually woke up with the alarm at 6.30am, fell asleep again and woke up after 7am. I feel a bit edgy and very tired.
Writing these blogs has been a liberating and empowering experience. My one regret is the distress and worry I have caused to the close friends of mine who have read them. I am so sorry. Please understand though, in writing about my life I am facing all my demons head on. At the moment I am merely acknowledging them; eventually I want to confront and to deal with them. I hope that anyone reading this who suffers in silence might be encouraged to seek diagnosis and acceptance of themselves. What I hope for most of all, is that I can take the hand of my dear friend, who suffers so greatly, and bring him along with me. To suffer oneself is bad enough. To see someone you care about going through the same thing is distressing in the extreme.
Let you tell me about my family. I maintain contact with one brother. With my autistic self our relationship has always been difficult, but the relationship has always been there. We are finally getting to know each other better and better. I like and love my brother. He has finally accepted that he is intelligent, and now has a much more interesting life. His wife is a gorgeous, big-hearted lady, and we have good laughs together looking round their garden.
The rest of my family are not biologically related.
I am very close to my ex's sister and her son. We feel that to ourselves, we are family. She is a very kind, compassionate person and very sensible. I have sought her advice on many occasions. Her son treats me with the greatest respect and has always called me uncle, even though he is now thirty years old. He's such a lovely bloke and so talented; he acts and directs, is musical and a linguist. I always refer to him as my nephew, which he is to me. His girlfriend is a real sweetheart, so full of happiness and life, thoughtful and highly intelligent.
My friend from uni lives in the same area as I. A lovely bloke who doesn't suffer fools gladly, except for myself. We had such fun at uni and have been loyal friends ever since. He's seen me very ill in the brain department and has stuck to me like glue throughout. He's an achiever, very intelligent, very capable, and very tenacious when necessary. He, his brother, his dad & I go on holiday every year. FANTASTIC. I never used to go on holiday before. His partner is in some ways very similar and the kids are such fun. The whole family have always treated me as one of their own, and I feel the same way.
My friend in the town where I live has aspergers. He's a really lovely, good-natured bloke who doesn't accept (or realise) that he's very talented, very capable and highly intelligent. He showed me how to play cards and dominoes, and now we have such fun playing scrabble. I love to hear him play the guitar and he listens to me playing the harpsichord & piano. We talk and talk about our experiences, and the number of these we have in common is both alarming and uncanny. His sense of humour is very funny and can be disarming. His partner is a professional person in a highly responsible position. She's a high achiever who remains down-to-earth, who likes a chat and a good laugh. She's been very good to me.
My friend in Wales is also very intelligent. (Actually all my friends are intelligent, so I won't bother saying it again). She is her mother's daughter and has inherited all the warm personality traits and thoughtfulness. She is a professional person and works very hard, and has every right to feel proud of the kids she struggled to bring up. I am so glad that after waiting many years, she has found happiness and contentment with a fantastic partner.
My friend in France is also her mother's daughter, and has inherited all the confidence and extroversion. A lovely girl, such fun, who enjoys life, likes travelling, and her horse. Happily settled with her partner and the kids. Lovely.
Last but not least there is my mate in Scotland. Very shy, very humble, has had to face a lot, very thoughtful and very musical. We like a drink together and talk endlessly while listening to music. A really lovely, special bloke. I hope that one day, he'll come and see me in England.
Aren't I lucky to have such wonderful people.
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