A rainbow

I took this picture on Christmas day. It's not apparent from the photograph that one could see the entire 180 degree arc, the whole appearing to come out of the sea. It was stunningly beautiful. The rainbow has become the symbol for the Autistic Spectrum. The different rays suggest the numerous variety of ways to be human. The colours themselves suggest to me brightness and inspiration. People in my part of the spectrum are often intellectually "bright", and my friends' experiences have been an inspiration to me. I sometimes wonder what colour I am, or if it really matters.
Yesterday didn't go quite to plan. Shortly after I wrote yesterday's blog, my friend's partner contacted me to say that he'd been ill, and that they wouldn't be coming for dinner. The ASD took over. I started worrying about my friend, and this has continued ever since. Also I was confused by the sudden change of plan. I felt quite frightened and very sad. I forgot to go to the bank to withdraw some money for my fags. The fags ran out yesterday evening. I managed to go without until about half an hour ago, when a friend of mine let me have some. Also I couldn't make my mind up about the cooking. I fought very hard to reconcile the fact that the joint of meat had been defrosted and had to be cooked, with the fact that I didn't actually want to cook. In the end my meal was ready at 8pm, instead of 5pm. I didn't enjoy it. If any of my closest friends are reading this, please don't be upset. For the first time in my life I am trying to describe how I feel about things, rather than just ignoring those feelings.
I went to bed at about 12.30am, and had been awake for quite a while when I got up at 6am. I feel tired, edgy, worried and sad. At this moment, to me the rainbow symbolises a thing of beauty which is just ahead, on which goal I must stay focused.
On Tuesday evening I will be playing the music for my local pub's New Year's party. I look forward to it.