Deep in thought

Blimey, it wasn't half cold yesterday!! I turned up at the historic building a bit later than usual (but still quite early), and was surprised when the manager turned up. You see he doesn't usually come in on Fridays, so I knew why he'd come in. He asked me why I had decided not to work on Sundays. I explained very calmly and unemotionally (which was not easy, and I particularly concentrated on avoiding the phrase 'irritating cunt' (I must buy him a tube of Vagisil one of these days)). So from now on, I will do nicer and more constructive things of a Sunday. The weather deteriorated early on. As we had no visitors and the streets were deserted, I closed the building after an hour.
I had a good night's sleep, the first in a while, ands woke up deep in thought. It was all about democracy, and our national and international leaders. People really have been let down very badly. Capitalism runs unchecked. Peace does not prevail in the world. Some leaders, by their words and actions, not only damage their countries' reputations, but stoke up international hostility at the same time. In this country public services are chronically underfunded. Then those services are vilified for failing to perform, before being sold off piecemeal to the government's donors (some of whom pay no tax in this country). Although people deserve much better, in the end it is their own fault for electing the parties that are doing so much damage. That is the danger of democracy. People are allowed to vote for things when they don't understand what they are voting for.
The landlord is coming this afternoon to collect his mail. There are a few things I need to point out to him, things that aren't working as they should.

Out with the old...

When I moved into the new house, I inherited a whole load of miscellaneous junk that had been left by the previous tenant. Thew landlord, of course, said he would see to its removal. The landlord, of course, has done no such thing. The very sight of the stuff, cluttering up my back garden, was really getting on my nerves so, yesterday afternoon, I took the bull by the horns and decided to do something about it myself. I spent the whole afternoon dismantling swings, slides, climbing frames and other such monstrosities. It was such hard work, as the things had been put together very badly. They were twisted and buckles, and many of the bolts had rusted up. So, after a lot of brute exertion on my part, the stuff is all in pieces in the front garden. When the dustmen come next week, I will bung them a few quid to take it all away. I've had a terrible backache ever since, and am starting to walk like John Wayne. Meanwhile I had paid the local council to remove a particularly nasty armchair that had been sitting by the front door. This morning it cheered me up, despite the rain and chilly air, to see that it had been removed.
This morning I've got a spell at the historic building to look forward to. I will do my very best to avoid getting annoyed.

Peace of mind

At the historic building I have serious issues around one person. He doesn't stop droning on. It is like one continuous, monotonous sentence that starts as soon as he steps through the door, and doesn't finish until he leaves. He really does my head in, and has caused me to walk out on several occasions. Last Sunday it took our visitors fifteen minutes or longer to walk the five yards from the reception desk to the staircase. I know that because I could hear the boring cunt droning on and on to them. By the time the visitors finally made it upstairs, they were interested in neither my music nor the display of period costume in the next room. I got talking to the woman who is in charge of the costume, and we made a joint realisation; when that particular man is on duty, our visitors behave differently. Instead of taking their time, they are in and out very quickly. It was so bad that this time, the woman who does the costumes got up and walked out.
So yesterday I made two decisions I feel good about. Firstly I am not going to work any more Sundays. I have plenty of more constructive things I can spend my time doing. Secondly I am going to stand back a bit and not do so much there as I have been. I really feel I have been taken for granted, particularly when someone else who is supposed to be the manager, gets all the credit.

Life and Death

I have finally plucked up the courage to deal with something I had been ignoring for a very long time, and took myself to the doctors this morning. A lump, which had been getting larger over the years, turned out to be a cyst, and nothing more malevolent.
I am not frightened of death. It is just a logical and inevitable part of life. I am not frightened of cancer, so long as it isn't painful. What does bother me is the conversations I would have to have if the diagnosis were bad. It doesn't particularly matter to me whether I die. I am completely unemotional about it. What would matter, though, is how it would affect those few people I have become close to. I still don't know how I would deal with this situation when it is my turn.

30th January

January 30th is a date that is full of memories for me. The nice thoughts are to do with my dear friend Nina. Today would have been her 96th birthday,  had she lived. Of course people don't go on for ever (although our royal family seem to be going in that direction), and it would have been awful to see her deteriorate any further. Some of my fondest memories are of our little bus trips round London,  most of which terminated at Greenwich Park. We had such lovely times there, enjoying all the flowers and the views, having a bit of lunch and then going along the river. Greenwich doesn't seem quite the same since Nina died.
The horrible memories concern my Mother's second husband. It would have been his birthday today, too. I still haven't really come to terms with the sheer horror of the short time we lived under the same roof. Eighteen years after his death, I still feel physically and emotionally sick at even the memory of that person. His was the one death that I celebrated. I had put aside a sensationally good bottle of wine from a recent trip to Spain.  I cracked it open as soon as I found out the evil cunt had pegged it. I can still taste it now! I will spend today deep in thought, as I always do on 30th January.

The silver screen

Last night I watched the 1932 film Freaks for the first time. I've had the dvd for years, but had never managed to watch more than about ten minutes of it before needing to switch the thing off.  It had been banned for many years (no doubt due to the general shame and revulsion felt by 'normal' people towards those with serious physical and/or mental handicaps). Yesterday I think I actually understood the film at last. It wasn't the voyeuristic spectacle that I had originally understood it to be. The real monsters of the film were shown to be the 'normal' people, by account of their awful cruelty towards the 'freaks'. And I loved the ending.
Afterwards I watched another of my dvds for the first time. Waltz of the Toreadors was one of the most annoying films I have ever sat through. The tedious Brian Rix-type farce seemed to drag on interminably. Even Sellers' superb characterization wasn't enough to redeem it. I shan't be watching it ever again. I'll either give it to a charity shop (if I can be bothered), or just chuck it out.

In the doldrums

Last Friday I went with a deputation from the local museum, to give a presentation to the charity whose Christmas bash I played for. I had started to feel unwell during the course of the morning,  and ended up saying very little.
I haven't been well ever since. It is finally my turn for the cold/flu/virus thing, whatever it is. Well I'm still standing up, so I don't think it's the flu. I've taken some time off from the historic building to try and get better,  and that has left me at a bit of a loose end. I'm just not used to spending so much time sitting around. I've used some of the time constructively and ordered in some nice things for the house.
I had a terrible shock yesterday.  Guess what? After four cancelled appointments,  the glazier actually turned up at long last and replaced my broken window. The house now feels noticeably warmer than before. Also yesterday I finally bucked my ideas up and put together the posh, state of the art bird feeder that I was sent as a present. I must say I'm very pleased with it, unlike some of the smaller birds that seem to regard it with some suspicion.  The starlings are all over it, though,  so it won't be long before the others follow.
We've got some nasty weather today. Those horrible gales are back.