Looking back

It's funny how we change. I say 'we' when I probably mean 'I'. I don't know whether other people are the same or not.
I remember times when I thought I was happy. It's only with hindsight that I realise I wasn't. What I mean is, I felt happy because, for example,  I was able to play the role that others expected of one. With hindsight I think I felt happy because I managed to cope with that, albeit temporarily.
I'm not sure if I like being who I am. In a way I'm not even sure it matters. It makes no difference to things. However being myself is the only thing I know. I don't know if I want to be someone different. I don't know what being someone else is like. I might not like that either.
My natural state is not one of blissful happiness. It's more a case of trying to find some sort of balance or stability. It's also about leaving myself enough room, so I'm not completely overwhelmed by other people. It's also about trying to realise what I actually want, which I don't know most of the time. It's about not feeling pressure to always conform with what other people want. It's about finding an environment where being oneself is not an issue.