Since yesterday evening

I turned in at 10.15pm, exhausted and with a headache, and could still hear the neighbours quite clearly as I tried to settle down. I didn't sleep at all well. I dreamed about what I'd been through all evening. I dreamed about the housing situation. I dreamed about the garden I am working on. I dreamed about the concert I am practicing for. I woke up just after 4am, deep in thought, edgy, in a horrible mood and still with a headache. I've been ratty all day. The headache still hasn't gone and I do feel so very tired.

Life

I've really been having a funny old time of it lately. By 'funny' I don't mean hilarious. Far from it. I mean 'funny' in the sense of strange. Take my housing for example. Friday began with the belief that I would at some point be asked to vacate the flat. On Friday afternoon the letting agency warned me that prospective buyers would be coming to see the flat on Saturday lunchtime. On Saturday morning I received a further email from the letting agent, advising me that the viewing had been cancelled, as the owner no longer wanted to sell the property. On Saturday afternoon I received a letter from the letting agent, informing me that my rent will be increased substantially from next month.
Of course the first thing I did was to let my support worker know what was going on, and we met about it yesterday morning. Because I'm not going to be evicted, the first option we were going for (and much better than what I currently have) is no longer available. But it will be in due course, what with the supporting evidence from the Mental Health Team. It looks like I will need to move soon, but will go for the better thing after. My support worker has already referred me to the best agency to help deal with this.
All this has been happening against a background of appalling noise levels at home. One morning I was woken up by the neighbours at 4.45am, who were on their balcony and being very loud. They sounded as if they were blind drunk. Much more of this and I will be speaking fluent Bulgarian in a very short time. I really don't object to the language being Bulgarian. My autism leaves me hypersensitive to sound, and the fact that I can hear all this constant loud noise in a language I don't understand only adds to the distress of it. Last night the noise was more or less continuous from about 5pm. At 10pm the general cacophony was added to by football being broadcast too loudly, and the sound of Juventus football chants being played over and over again for ages. The same two or three bloody chants. I exploded into an outburst of the most inelegant kind. The people heard me. I could hear them repeating it, but it didn't stop them making a noise. Selfish cunts.

Lately

I've had quite a lot going on lately, what with the two ongoing tribunal appeals and the housing situation. So I've tried to channel my energy into doing something constructive, namely lots of practice and lots of gardening. It's got to the point where gardening and practice are my two current obsessions. All the issues and the activities swill round in my head day and night, and leave me very tired from lack of sleep. The most I can manage lately is six hours a night, but it is usually nearer to five and sometimes less than that. Yawn.

News

The news bulletins seem to be going from bad to worse. It really is depressing, what with all the tales of suffering on both a small and a large scale. I don't understand why people can't at least try to treat one another a bit more kindly.
What for me is quite terrifying, is when the leader of what is apparently a democracy, acquires for herself by stealth almost dictatorial powers. Who are we to lecture anyone on the virtues of democracy? The terrifying thing about it is that the game-show-watching majority will believe the woman to be doing good, and will vote for her time and time again. Governments and societies that persecute their weakest members are not manifestations of a healthy democracy.
What is also of concern is, that what we are told is a 'fair, free and impartial' press is neither of these things. It broadcasts those things the Government wants us to be told, and in a way that reflects well on the Government. It manipulates the truth. It gives little or no coverage to matters that would rock the boat. One example is the recent U.N report on H.M. Government's treatment of the disabled. Another is the many thousands of suicides and suspicious deaths of disabled people, whose benefits had been stopped. Another is the recent anti-Brexit march. Is this really the sort of world that people want to live in?

A roof over one's head

A couple of weeks ago, the letting agency called (Bastards. I asked them to either text or email me.) to say that the landlord was going to sell my flat, and that I was going to be given notice to vacate the premises. At the time, that was devastating news. The following week I received several further calls, informing me that potential buyers were going to be shown round the flat. I've had no further calls since then, so I'm assuming that the sale is going ahead. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I really loved my flat when I moved in. It was more than I could possibly have hoped for. I still love it, but for quite a while I haven't enjoyed living there. It has become noisier and noisier, and the noise goes on well past a time which would (or should) be considered acceptable.
Well I am going to get somewhere much quieter at the end of all this. It will be lovely to be able to sit down in peace either thinking, or watching a film without having to keep pausing it. I've quite forgotten what that feels like.

Confused

What is happening in the world today? Everything seems to be upside-down. We have wicked callousness in positions of power and importance, telling us that they themselves are really the good ones, and marginalising those people who don't quite fit. We see the structures of co-operation crashing down around us. We see greed glorified and the vulnerable vilified. The countries of the world seem to be ruled by those who do not want peace. There is so much rampant 'lower common denominator', populist, isolationist stuff going on. It really is frightening.

In general

I've been having quite a time of it lately. My autism is not always apparent to other people, as I tend to 'wear a mask' in the outside world, with the intention of going about my business quite un-noticed. My mask hides the things I struggle with, from those I come into contact with. Sometimes the mask won't come off, for example when I hide what I'm thinking from those who really ought to know about it. As a result I tend to 'slip through the net' time and time again, when in reality those people and systems that are supposed to be there for me do not spot the telltale signs, owing to the lack of a searching question or two on the part of the service provider. So here I am, still trying to resolve my long-standing, ongoing issues with H.M Government's agencies.
Then on top of that, I have been told that my landlord intends to sell my flat, so I am going to be given my marching orders. Initially that piece of  news came as a devastating blow, but not anymore. My support worker is fucking brilliant. It look like I'm going to get something better at the end of it. I'm going to be really hacked off if the landlord changes his mind.