A brainwave

I very rarely do it, but I'm going to do something on impulse. In a minute or two I'm going to hop on a bus, and go and look at the local cathedral. I need to try and raise my spirits.

Now

I've been in touch with my close friends in Wales. They are part of my adopted family. Her late mother was one of my closest people. As soon as I can manage it I shall be going to see them. The last time I visited was when they got married last year. I have missed them. I still haven't been in touch with my brother though. I just don't know what to say.
So while feeling very happy with having made contact with them, and also feeling happy about being able to use my camera again, the anxiety and depression are still being a cunt. It's a peculiar and strange feeling, when you experience extremes of both happiness and worry at the same time. How I wish I were like 'normal' people, and not have to go through all this.

So far today

The weather started off gorgeous and has continued the same. The day started with fags and coffee but very slowly, looking at the plants on my balcony. I know it's not much, rather plain and very small, but it means a great deal to me. I love growing outdoor plants, and the balcony gives me the chance to grow them. Sometimes passers-by call up to say how lovely it looks.
Meanwhile my mind has been working overtime. I have a lot to think about at the moment, and I suppose it's the autism that makes it so hard for me to see my way through. For the past few months it seems to have been just one thing after another, and that triggers the anxiety and depression. The latter have just been diagnosed as a disorder (permanent) rather than just the normal (the hump). Of course that ties in with what is not uncommon in autistic men. I had an appointment for tomorrow, but I've cancelled it. I really need a bit of a break from it all.

Yesterday

The weather was beautiful, which is more than can be said for my time at the historic building.  Our visitors were a cunt. The rest of the day was very bland. Curry for dinner, Bach chorales and computer games for afters. Bed at a quarter past nine.

As before

London was horrible. Noisy, dirty, crowded, hot, and so many lights. People aggressive and rude. Surly. Horrendous, relentless traffic. Cacophony. Continuous movement. I don't know how I ever managed to live there.

The weekend

I had a lovely Saturday walking round Greenwich Park with my friend. It does look beautiful. The herbaceous border, the flower gardens and the rose garden are at their stunning best. Before that we went and saw the armada portrait of Elizabeth I, which is currently on display at the National Maritime Museum. We had a lovely meal out, and that was such a treat. When I got home I watched Mr Turner, an extraordinary and very good film. Bed at eleven.

Now

Still in that frame of mind. When I was on my way to the library, I came across someone I know. I agreead to go round for a cup of coffee (groan), but I'd really rather not. Apart from that I'm going to spend the day at home again.
Yesterday's listening included Beethoven symphonies 1, 2 and 4, Bach organ music and cantatas, a few music hall songs and Haydn's Seven Last Words (the orchestral version).