Saturday, 2 May 2015
A musical interlude
I had quite an intensive harpsichord session just now, and played more-or-less continuously for three and a half hours. That's left me feeling quite tired but I thoroughly enjoyed it. Some of the visitors said they did too. I don't bother playing easy pieces anymore, and learn about three new pieces every couple of weeks. It's nice to have a number of pieces in rotation.
Last night
I had no appetite and couldn't be bothered to cook, so I heated up some of Thursday's leftovers. Afterwards I started watching a TV adaptation of Our Mutual Friend by Charles Dickens. I've watched it many times, but never understood it. Until yesterday, that is. I'm finally starting to get it.
I turned in at eleven and slept very badly again. I was wide awake at least twice during the night, and remember turning over lots of times. The brain is worn out this morning.
I turned in at eleven and slept very badly again. I was wide awake at least twice during the night, and remember turning over lots of times. The brain is worn out this morning.
Memory lane
The headline that the Prime Minister wants to give fifteen million quid of our money to a proposed Margaret Thatcher museum, has been playing on my mind.
As for now, I am very aware of how the Health Service has been underfunded for years. I am in the middle of a lengthy wait for diagnosis, where the contract tender was bungled, on top of the issue of underfunding. Where are the Government's priorities?
Now to other matters. I have spent my entire life dealing with issues I now know to be autism. I left home at seventeen, both glad and relieved to have escaped at last. I was, however, completely unprepared for the world. I was confused by it and afraid of it. I was afraid of people, and didn't understand them. I'd been to hell and back as a teenager, because of my sexuality. I have always found it difficult to express how I feel. At that time it was totally impossible. I suppose I didn't really know how I felt, and believed it didn't really matter anyway.
I did try going out to clubs. I hated the loudness and all the people, and would usually slope off into a corner and not speak to anyone. The music used to make me feel ill, but I wanted to try and fit in.
At about this time we had a change of government. It's leader started off by quoting St Francis of Assissi's prayer on the telly. Then she embarked on a 'divide and rule' strategy, bit by bit. First of all it was the unions. Yes they had become too powerful, but that was their reaction over the years, to the barbaric working conditions that people had once had to endure. Then she started shutting down those parts of the country that hadn't voted for her. Then we had the Poll Tax, one of the unfairest systems of taxation ever inflicted on the population.
In general, she then brought in 'Care in the Community', where mental institutions were shut down. The inmates were released unsupervised, and then the murders started.
She wanted to re-introduce the Death Penalty, but was mercifully defeated by a few votes. A few votes is a sad reflection on our system.
She opposed the equalisation of the age of consent, and enacted the repressive 'clause 28'. She marginalised and vilified AIDS patients. Press coverage was shameful. The age of consent was sorted out by the next administration. It is not them we have to thank, though, but the EEC. It was part of their equality package, and it would have been enforced at some point if it wasn't already in law. Later on we had 'Back to Basics', where Victorian moral values were promoted. Shortly afterwards a number of her politicians were caught with their knickers round their ankles. Glass houses? Stones?
She fostered the attitude that if people were poor, then it was their own fault. It was because they were morally deficient. She marginalised the poor. Some people remember her for her monetary policies. I cannot comment on this, as I don't have a head for finance. I don't remember being any better off during her tenure, though.
I remember the upbeat, jingoistic media coverage at the time, pandering to the lowest common denominator. Certain newspapers whipped the mob up into a frenzy. It was horrible.
Those were very dark times for me, and I thought they would never end. This is the person whose museum is to benefit from taxpayers' money. May those responsible be forgiven.
As for now, I am very aware of how the Health Service has been underfunded for years. I am in the middle of a lengthy wait for diagnosis, where the contract tender was bungled, on top of the issue of underfunding. Where are the Government's priorities?
Now to other matters. I have spent my entire life dealing with issues I now know to be autism. I left home at seventeen, both glad and relieved to have escaped at last. I was, however, completely unprepared for the world. I was confused by it and afraid of it. I was afraid of people, and didn't understand them. I'd been to hell and back as a teenager, because of my sexuality. I have always found it difficult to express how I feel. At that time it was totally impossible. I suppose I didn't really know how I felt, and believed it didn't really matter anyway.
I did try going out to clubs. I hated the loudness and all the people, and would usually slope off into a corner and not speak to anyone. The music used to make me feel ill, but I wanted to try and fit in.
At about this time we had a change of government. It's leader started off by quoting St Francis of Assissi's prayer on the telly. Then she embarked on a 'divide and rule' strategy, bit by bit. First of all it was the unions. Yes they had become too powerful, but that was their reaction over the years, to the barbaric working conditions that people had once had to endure. Then she started shutting down those parts of the country that hadn't voted for her. Then we had the Poll Tax, one of the unfairest systems of taxation ever inflicted on the population.
In general, she then brought in 'Care in the Community', where mental institutions were shut down. The inmates were released unsupervised, and then the murders started.
She wanted to re-introduce the Death Penalty, but was mercifully defeated by a few votes. A few votes is a sad reflection on our system.
She opposed the equalisation of the age of consent, and enacted the repressive 'clause 28'. She marginalised and vilified AIDS patients. Press coverage was shameful. The age of consent was sorted out by the next administration. It is not them we have to thank, though, but the EEC. It was part of their equality package, and it would have been enforced at some point if it wasn't already in law. Later on we had 'Back to Basics', where Victorian moral values were promoted. Shortly afterwards a number of her politicians were caught with their knickers round their ankles. Glass houses? Stones?
She fostered the attitude that if people were poor, then it was their own fault. It was because they were morally deficient. She marginalised the poor. Some people remember her for her monetary policies. I cannot comment on this, as I don't have a head for finance. I don't remember being any better off during her tenure, though.
I remember the upbeat, jingoistic media coverage at the time, pandering to the lowest common denominator. Certain newspapers whipped the mob up into a frenzy. It was horrible.
Those were very dark times for me, and I thought they would never end. This is the person whose museum is to benefit from taxpayers' money. May those responsible be forgiven.
Friday, 1 May 2015
Now
I'm in the library, getting more family history. I'm completely predictable. So is the family history stuff. Just routine. I don't find anyone exciting, like other people seem to. No royalty, famous statesmen, no scientists, not even a famous composer or two. I wonder if other people make theirs up?
After the telly
I only woke up once during the night. When I got up with the alarm at seven, I felt like I'd been thinking all night. My bedding was a complete mess, but I don't remember anything about it.
This morning's coffee and fags were accompanied by lots of intense and varied thoughts, all following on from each other in quick succession.
This morning's coffee and fags were accompanied by lots of intense and varied thoughts, all following on from each other in quick succession.
Last night
The Indian meal was a success, although I didn't fancy it at all by the time it was cooked. I ate most of the idiappam, but just picked at the rest.
Afterwards I watched Pimpernel Smith (1941), a marvellous film based on the novel The Scarlet Pimpernel. It's about a professor of archaeology and a group of his students, who go to Nazi Germany and smuggle out eminent people who had been apprehended by the Nazis. It's such a clever and entertaining film, and not at all corny. Afterwards I watched part of a genealogy documentary, but soon got bored and went to bed around eleven.
During the documentary I got a text from my friend from uni, so I might be going there on Monday.
Afterwards I watched Pimpernel Smith (1941), a marvellous film based on the novel The Scarlet Pimpernel. It's about a professor of archaeology and a group of his students, who go to Nazi Germany and smuggle out eminent people who had been apprehended by the Nazis. It's such a clever and entertaining film, and not at all corny. Afterwards I watched part of a genealogy documentary, but soon got bored and went to bed around eleven.
During the documentary I got a text from my friend from uni, so I might be going there on Monday.
This morning
I'm getting old now. After collecting my prescription from the surgery, I made my way to the library. I was greeted with 'Hello Guv'nor. Bloody cold this morning ain't it?' One of these days I'm really going to lose it and slap the miserable effer. People like that don't help my depression one bit. Grrrr.
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